So, within two years, or less I've watched some of my friends deal with the fallout of good friends of theirs committing suicide, and it just reminds me that throughout periods of time in between that I was close to doing it myself. I've seen and heard how the reacted and felt, and it is really shitty to watch someone go through all of that pain and suffering. I don't want to be the friend who commits suicide on them, even though I'm going through my own mental turmoil.