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Wingfire's 2013 flashback
12 years ago
First off, Happy new year to all my friends and watchers! To me it feels as if time is progressing ridiculously fast @.=.@
But this last year has been a fairly eventful one for this draggie, so I figured I would re-cap its highlights and shitlights in no particular order.
Jobs:
One of the biggest changes for me that year was getting my ass out of a terrible, and honestly very soul and personality sucking job. I use to work for a small used car sales company as a Lot-Guy, washing, cleaning, detailing and delivering vehicles. It started out great until some particular co-workers felt it was their place to start treating me like shit, and when they didn't get their way, started exaggerating things and level lie about me to the quasi-management. In turn this would go to the actual managers in the form of some bullshit like I was just sitting around all day doing nothing or wasting time on pointless tasks, pointless tasks mind you that I got reprimanded for NOT doing before, and then got shit for doing them. It was clear they were just trying to harass me into quitting or "breaking" and becoming one of them (Since I did air my honest opinions on some of the sleazy ethics the business has). I talked with some good friends after a few face-to-face harassment I received and sent e-mails to head management about the harassment, solved it for a short while. But if anyone knows cars salesmen, this was the tip of the iceberg, so they started to make up shit about me, trying to make me sign off on bullshit letters saying I was leaving work 15 mins early every day and not doing my job despite my leaving work damn exhausted daily from trying to keep up with everything. So I decided after enough of playing hard ball with them and even trying to go to labor boards, only to be told I am SOL cause they are a apparently just a farce organization who directed me to another organization who said that they don't deal with problems like this. I quietly gave my 2 weeks to the ONE nice manager there who wasn't a back stabbing shark like the rest and went on my own way.
The upside to all this was I landed an IT job mere weeks after leaving that crap-lot job and have been working there pretty happily ever since then. I had done IT work in the past buy got layed off cause things slowed down and I was their lest valuable guy seniority wise. So to get a fresh shot like this was almost a dream come true. The place is a mere 2 minutes drive from the old neighborhood I use to live at as a kid and that I still like to visit now and then for some peace and quiet. The shop I work in is small and has a very small staff, but the work seems to come in pretty solid and its clear I am helping the place run a lot smoother with the added man-power.
Cars:
Well 2013 was a year full of accidents, first a racoon that damaged my bumper, then rear ending someone in the rain that busted apart my bumper (as well as a $800 insurance pay out so my premiums would not rise) ( also the bumper which I pieced back together on my car) and then finally, driving home one night from my IT job, I hit a deer while going down the highway which pretty must bent in the front frame of my car, destroyed the bumper, hood, fender and a couple lights. It was amazing I didn't lose control or even have the car drive all fucked up. Mechanically the car still was fine aside a power steering leak which just made steering jittery after the fluid bled out over a few days. I knew this was the end of old Crimson, I had many close calls in that car over the years and made it through some hairy situations and even when it took a hit, it just kept going... even though I could have driven her still, I didn't wanna sink thousands into a pretty old car that was starting to run into issues. So one trip to the insurance company later I was offered a $1600 payout for the car, which I took. What followed up was a few nicer parts swaps to my mates car since I spent good money on a few things, as well as my best friend giving me $200 for the winter tires/ rims that were on the car.
The upside here was that while at my old car-lot job, I snagged a great running 1996 Cavalier coupe (fully loaded too!) for a mere $400 and it had just been sitting at our place, getting leaves and crap all over it since we only insured it for the summer. Sure its far from my ideal car and compared to the Civic I had, this thing eats WAY more gas even for a 4 banger. But I was happy to be able to just hop over to it and keep on going instead of being car-less up shit creek. Since then I have put a little work and money into it, but otherwise I she is doing great.... Now I just need a name for her!
Spirituality:
2013 proved to have some turbulence here, with the great start I felt I had in 2011 and 2012, it seemed 2013 was the year of "lets see how well you hold up your chipper mindset when things are trying to bring you down" and for sure I had my slips, I had some bad ones. The job was trying to strip me of who I was... yet oddly enough I kept finding crystals and stones in some of the trade in vehicles, which are now cleansed and a part of my personal collection that I do use time to time! ^.=.^ Though aside that job which I did recover from mostly, there was also the aforementioned car deal, those that know me know I was horribly attached to that car and they knew of how upset I got in the past over lesser damages. So when they saw the thing was destroyed, many were surprised I wasn't either crying like a wreck or pissed off enough to buy a gun and kill every deer I saw from that point on lol. The truth of the matter is that its the mentality change I had over these previous years that got me through a big part of it all, I had to realize that a car doesn't make me who I am, that its a stupid thing to place ones identity as a individual in. So while losing that car was like losing a old party friend, it wasn't me losing a part of myself.
Now those were just day to day life things, how about something deeper, a little more closer to heart to take a hit since anyone can learn to be detached from a car or especially a job. How about ones Draconity.
The biggest blunder I think I made in 2013 spirituality wise is summed up in my previous journal "Beating dead horses again" where I went into detail that my return to some otherkin places didn't go as swimmingly as I thought, that the people who I pictured would have the MOST in common with me and really get me were actually a huge disappointment. In part I do fault myself for a portion of this, in my mind I had glorified it and placed it on a pedestal where it just didn't belong and reality showed me otherwise. I grew disappointed, even downright angered from what I saw of some of these dragonkin, asking myself "Is this really what the community has become in my 10 years of absence? Is spirituality now just some passe fad and I haven't realized the new trend of picking apart others like some sort of angry atheist?" I didn't like seeing the superiority complexes as well as people just arguing over "facts" about every subject. It all struck me as a community with a very big lack of harmony and true friendship, I wasn't gonna sit around and waste my time trying to "prove my worth" to a group just looking to tear others down and tell others who was real or not. so I just looked at myself and admitted that mistakes happen, I was caught up in nostalgia over something that never really existed (at least in the main stream of kin) and moved on. Its not to say I didn't meet some honest and outgoing dragons, oh no, I met a good few who I do consider friends. I just realized that looking in places that are very species-centric as well has hive-minded for outgoing, social and worldly individuals who have personal spirituality is akin to looking for a gay man in a southern church, you wont find many, if any. In the end I feel strongly that the otherkin community could use to be a LOT more humble and realize calling furries and other forms of spiritually weird and messed up is a huge form of hypocrisy. It would do the rest of us who are trying to show that not all dragons are movie stereotypes wonders.
Despite all these hits, especially the blow that was the return to kin one, I still feel strongly about who I am spiritually. I have been and always will be my own dragon, even if I have the kin label on me. I will continue down my own path pursuing what feels right for who I am, and who I want to be. (you know, NOT a cardboard cutout dragon stereotype hahaha) I didn't go through those last couple of years just to be put off by a bunch of teenage "special snowflakes" roaming the community these days with false superiority complexes.
Furry:
Now this is one of the real highlights, as opposed me to just finding silver linings or clawing my way back out of a shitty place. This last year in the fandom has been INSANE! HOLY DRAGON DONGS WHERE DO I BEGIN?! To start 2013 off with a bang I got my fursuit, something I had dreamed of for YEARS but always figured "I will never be a rich fur... I cant afford one". Yet here I am! Its been a total blast being able to actually roam around as the dragon I am, its a liberating feeling in its own right just because others get to see you on the outside and you can really enjoy yourself by playing things up for fun ^.=.^. Then there was the continuation of the awesome local community that I am proud to be a part of, I have met many great furs over the years and the local scene seems to be only getting stronger in terms of meets and events. The crowning moments being the convention trips to Howl, Vancoufur and even Rainfurrest as well as a somewhat new event popping up right on the island here called Surfur, my years are now loaded with awesome furry fun as opposed to the more quiet and lonely ones I had in 2008-2011, it seems as if every couple of months there is some crazy trip somewhere full of memorable times with great friends. All this in hindsight actually makes me glad the shitty events that took place 10 years ago pushed me in the direction of finding the furry fandom otherwise I would honestly have seen myself becoming a too-serious, antisocial dragon stereotype and not the type of dragon I am today. A kinda worrying thought.
So in summary, 2013 was full of spills and nostalgic ball slaps. But its shown me that its good friends and personal strength that make all the difference in how ones life goes. Things tried to pull me down, I confess they even did for a while and made me rather angry, but I still came through eventually. In the end a mere car doesn't define me, other dragons don't dictate what kind of dragon I am, especially when I hardly know them. But my friends, they have changed a lot in me, and being able to go out and have more of a social life as well as a more spiritual one has still made 2013 overall a good year for this Dragon.
But this last year has been a fairly eventful one for this draggie, so I figured I would re-cap its highlights and shitlights in no particular order.
Jobs:
One of the biggest changes for me that year was getting my ass out of a terrible, and honestly very soul and personality sucking job. I use to work for a small used car sales company as a Lot-Guy, washing, cleaning, detailing and delivering vehicles. It started out great until some particular co-workers felt it was their place to start treating me like shit, and when they didn't get their way, started exaggerating things and level lie about me to the quasi-management. In turn this would go to the actual managers in the form of some bullshit like I was just sitting around all day doing nothing or wasting time on pointless tasks, pointless tasks mind you that I got reprimanded for NOT doing before, and then got shit for doing them. It was clear they were just trying to harass me into quitting or "breaking" and becoming one of them (Since I did air my honest opinions on some of the sleazy ethics the business has). I talked with some good friends after a few face-to-face harassment I received and sent e-mails to head management about the harassment, solved it for a short while. But if anyone knows cars salesmen, this was the tip of the iceberg, so they started to make up shit about me, trying to make me sign off on bullshit letters saying I was leaving work 15 mins early every day and not doing my job despite my leaving work damn exhausted daily from trying to keep up with everything. So I decided after enough of playing hard ball with them and even trying to go to labor boards, only to be told I am SOL cause they are a apparently just a farce organization who directed me to another organization who said that they don't deal with problems like this. I quietly gave my 2 weeks to the ONE nice manager there who wasn't a back stabbing shark like the rest and went on my own way.
The upside to all this was I landed an IT job mere weeks after leaving that crap-lot job and have been working there pretty happily ever since then. I had done IT work in the past buy got layed off cause things slowed down and I was their lest valuable guy seniority wise. So to get a fresh shot like this was almost a dream come true. The place is a mere 2 minutes drive from the old neighborhood I use to live at as a kid and that I still like to visit now and then for some peace and quiet. The shop I work in is small and has a very small staff, but the work seems to come in pretty solid and its clear I am helping the place run a lot smoother with the added man-power.
Cars:
Well 2013 was a year full of accidents, first a racoon that damaged my bumper, then rear ending someone in the rain that busted apart my bumper (as well as a $800 insurance pay out so my premiums would not rise) ( also the bumper which I pieced back together on my car) and then finally, driving home one night from my IT job, I hit a deer while going down the highway which pretty must bent in the front frame of my car, destroyed the bumper, hood, fender and a couple lights. It was amazing I didn't lose control or even have the car drive all fucked up. Mechanically the car still was fine aside a power steering leak which just made steering jittery after the fluid bled out over a few days. I knew this was the end of old Crimson, I had many close calls in that car over the years and made it through some hairy situations and even when it took a hit, it just kept going... even though I could have driven her still, I didn't wanna sink thousands into a pretty old car that was starting to run into issues. So one trip to the insurance company later I was offered a $1600 payout for the car, which I took. What followed up was a few nicer parts swaps to my mates car since I spent good money on a few things, as well as my best friend giving me $200 for the winter tires/ rims that were on the car.
The upside here was that while at my old car-lot job, I snagged a great running 1996 Cavalier coupe (fully loaded too!) for a mere $400 and it had just been sitting at our place, getting leaves and crap all over it since we only insured it for the summer. Sure its far from my ideal car and compared to the Civic I had, this thing eats WAY more gas even for a 4 banger. But I was happy to be able to just hop over to it and keep on going instead of being car-less up shit creek. Since then I have put a little work and money into it, but otherwise I she is doing great.... Now I just need a name for her!
Spirituality:
2013 proved to have some turbulence here, with the great start I felt I had in 2011 and 2012, it seemed 2013 was the year of "lets see how well you hold up your chipper mindset when things are trying to bring you down" and for sure I had my slips, I had some bad ones. The job was trying to strip me of who I was... yet oddly enough I kept finding crystals and stones in some of the trade in vehicles, which are now cleansed and a part of my personal collection that I do use time to time! ^.=.^ Though aside that job which I did recover from mostly, there was also the aforementioned car deal, those that know me know I was horribly attached to that car and they knew of how upset I got in the past over lesser damages. So when they saw the thing was destroyed, many were surprised I wasn't either crying like a wreck or pissed off enough to buy a gun and kill every deer I saw from that point on lol. The truth of the matter is that its the mentality change I had over these previous years that got me through a big part of it all, I had to realize that a car doesn't make me who I am, that its a stupid thing to place ones identity as a individual in. So while losing that car was like losing a old party friend, it wasn't me losing a part of myself.
Now those were just day to day life things, how about something deeper, a little more closer to heart to take a hit since anyone can learn to be detached from a car or especially a job. How about ones Draconity.
The biggest blunder I think I made in 2013 spirituality wise is summed up in my previous journal "Beating dead horses again" where I went into detail that my return to some otherkin places didn't go as swimmingly as I thought, that the people who I pictured would have the MOST in common with me and really get me were actually a huge disappointment. In part I do fault myself for a portion of this, in my mind I had glorified it and placed it on a pedestal where it just didn't belong and reality showed me otherwise. I grew disappointed, even downright angered from what I saw of some of these dragonkin, asking myself "Is this really what the community has become in my 10 years of absence? Is spirituality now just some passe fad and I haven't realized the new trend of picking apart others like some sort of angry atheist?" I didn't like seeing the superiority complexes as well as people just arguing over "facts" about every subject. It all struck me as a community with a very big lack of harmony and true friendship, I wasn't gonna sit around and waste my time trying to "prove my worth" to a group just looking to tear others down and tell others who was real or not. so I just looked at myself and admitted that mistakes happen, I was caught up in nostalgia over something that never really existed (at least in the main stream of kin) and moved on. Its not to say I didn't meet some honest and outgoing dragons, oh no, I met a good few who I do consider friends. I just realized that looking in places that are very species-centric as well has hive-minded for outgoing, social and worldly individuals who have personal spirituality is akin to looking for a gay man in a southern church, you wont find many, if any. In the end I feel strongly that the otherkin community could use to be a LOT more humble and realize calling furries and other forms of spiritually weird and messed up is a huge form of hypocrisy. It would do the rest of us who are trying to show that not all dragons are movie stereotypes wonders.
Despite all these hits, especially the blow that was the return to kin one, I still feel strongly about who I am spiritually. I have been and always will be my own dragon, even if I have the kin label on me. I will continue down my own path pursuing what feels right for who I am, and who I want to be. (you know, NOT a cardboard cutout dragon stereotype hahaha) I didn't go through those last couple of years just to be put off by a bunch of teenage "special snowflakes" roaming the community these days with false superiority complexes.
Furry:
Now this is one of the real highlights, as opposed me to just finding silver linings or clawing my way back out of a shitty place. This last year in the fandom has been INSANE! HOLY DRAGON DONGS WHERE DO I BEGIN?! To start 2013 off with a bang I got my fursuit, something I had dreamed of for YEARS but always figured "I will never be a rich fur... I cant afford one". Yet here I am! Its been a total blast being able to actually roam around as the dragon I am, its a liberating feeling in its own right just because others get to see you on the outside and you can really enjoy yourself by playing things up for fun ^.=.^. Then there was the continuation of the awesome local community that I am proud to be a part of, I have met many great furs over the years and the local scene seems to be only getting stronger in terms of meets and events. The crowning moments being the convention trips to Howl, Vancoufur and even Rainfurrest as well as a somewhat new event popping up right on the island here called Surfur, my years are now loaded with awesome furry fun as opposed to the more quiet and lonely ones I had in 2008-2011, it seems as if every couple of months there is some crazy trip somewhere full of memorable times with great friends. All this in hindsight actually makes me glad the shitty events that took place 10 years ago pushed me in the direction of finding the furry fandom otherwise I would honestly have seen myself becoming a too-serious, antisocial dragon stereotype and not the type of dragon I am today. A kinda worrying thought.
So in summary, 2013 was full of spills and nostalgic ball slaps. But its shown me that its good friends and personal strength that make all the difference in how ones life goes. Things tried to pull me down, I confess they even did for a while and made me rather angry, but I still came through eventually. In the end a mere car doesn't define me, other dragons don't dictate what kind of dragon I am, especially when I hardly know them. But my friends, they have changed a lot in me, and being able to go out and have more of a social life as well as a more spiritual one has still made 2013 overall a good year for this Dragon.
To put it briefly then, you grew and prospered last year! I'm glad for you, Drake. And I'm glad you found a community of friends to help support you. We all need at least a few friends.
You left out one aspect of your life, though; but I see from your user page that you and thedraconicone are still together! If I'm not intruding, is everything still working out with Happily Ever After?
All best for 2014, Drake!
Regarding the mate, things are going okay, we have been together 5 years now and there have been a few ups and downs naturally, just trying to work some stuff out.
Couldn't agree more Drake, it was a year of ebbs and flows, small highs, some lows. There were no single defining moments, but it was very much an ends justify the means year. Things tended to grow on a larger scale, and make small leaps on personal fronts that are leading towards bigger things overall.
The important thing, for me at least, was that everything seemed to move forward, even if not as quickly or on as grande a scale as I would like.
Good Bye 2013, you will be remembered.
I can agree there, 2012 I still hold in my mind as my best year ever since my high-school ones, and that's mainly because it was a year where everything started to look up. 2013 felt more like okay now sustain it, or at least try and refine it. It really was a year of smaller changes and random leaps that all at least moved forward.
So I think 2013 will be remembered by me as the year many parts of my life were tested, but none the less a year of progress.