The last weekend got the call that I have been fearing for over 5 years. It was a call from Clay my friend and dads caregiver. Stating that dad was dying and to get hospice in. I notice over Christmas that dad could hardly eat and barely drink. He seem to still recognize me as his son, but was unable to communicate his needs more so that usual. So last Sunday I call hospice to come out to verify what we have fear. It only took few minute to confirm it. So I started hospice for him yesterday and went to the funeral home. Draft was with me as we picked out his casket and other things. He has a lot help in my time of need. I had mixed feeling happy that he will finally be release for the body that's would not let him move the right side of his body and unable to communicate his needs very well. It been hard caring for him all this time with his bed being in prison that he can never escape from. But it always hard for us to watch someone we love die. Even when we know it for the best. For the ppl that really know me this so very hard because of my empathy for others and specially for anyone close to me. It making me suffer greatly mentally. Which brings up the other thing about me my mind body connection is very strong. If my mental state happy I'm feel good and my spirit is at peace and center. If I'm sad I suffer pain in my body. That is express as pain in my kidneys and gout in my joints. So I'm going to try hard not to think of my dad too much and move my mental state to a more neutral state to keep my body from being hurt.