Hey

I guess I'm really only writing this for myself. The futures looking bright, but also frightening too.

I don't think I'll ever stop feeling controlled and imprisoned by the people I love, be they family or friend.

I should be happy and excited about moving into a house with my long distance boyfriend of 5 years. We've had hard times and happy times.

But I'm not

There's loads I could put here about why, but I hate writting, and I hate talking about it, because I'm a bad talker, and everyone always seems to know how to manipulate me and convince me that I'm to blame.

My Family say that I need to be more open and not bottle things up, to talk more often with them when I am upset. But when I try to tell them that something they did hurts my feelings and I need an apology, they accuse me of 'dragging up the past' and wont let me talk. Or they say that I've hurt them too so I need to just drop it.

What's going to hurt the most about this journal when I come back to read it will be the lack of responses. But I mustn't expect any responses, as I've only really written this for me, and only written it on here as no one I know irl is on this site.

I don't know what to say to comfort myself, but I know talking to my friends helped - the right ones anyway, not the ones who made into a competition of who's got the worst problems.

I need to take care of myself.