Hello whoever still reads my nonsense.

So January has begun and the holidays are gone. To tell the truth I didn't put any ornaments, I didn't feel all jolly and cheerful. My house went quiet as My sister traveled away to see close family. There was very little noise in the house other than me,my Mother cleaning some times and dogs barking. We didn't chat very much, We had made many plans to leave the country, but all have faltered, we have waited for a while too long with little improvement and well the year has not been that eventful in important matters.

But the season is over and an entire year has gone by and I've come to realize many things that I have simply Ignored or put aside. I've come to miss my close ones very much. New year's eve as we were going out to my Brother's my Mother slipped on the stairs and hit herself bad. We really took a good scare, my brother and me took care of her but it was nothing other than a bruised back and anguished minds.

Back the next day, while reading some of the journals at inkbunny I read one from a very good artist who you probably know. He had just lost his sister to Pneumonia, just before new year and just before her birthday. She had gone to the clinic days earlier to get treatment and was given nothing. Negligence took away a healthy loved one out from his life. At that point I remembered the day before and my mother's fall and said to myself. Just like that? just like that a man lost his sister, just like that I could lost my mother, Just like that I could have lost my own sister just like that in a mere instant.

The days pass and its getting the best of me. I will be 23 years old in less that two months. I do not have anything other than myself, I have not professional education, I don't own a thing to my name but my bank account. I have no friends since High school and even then I could not really call them friends. I could very well be a Hobo asking for food on the street freezing my nuts if It wasn't for this roof and many of the things I don't pay for.

So its a new year I'm getting older faster that I would like it to, I feel like a big crap drying out on the sun, I have had little improvement in my artwork, and this year I have decided to enroll into some school to finally shape my art, and learn all of the things I have left out. I also would like to open some kind of Business, I live in a crowded part of Mexico city(I'm "Mehican") and I know that my people are very good consumers. Even selling T-shirts could put food on the table, I'd really like it to be a family business...

I am tired of being a pitiful person, I am tired of feeling like a pitiful shit with no future in this place. I am tired of being lonely, I feel like I've wasted gorgeous days I won't have back, It all blurs into yesterdays with little to nothing for me.

Thank you for putting on with this looser.