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A list of suggestions for cohabitational relationships
12 years ago
Don't judge your partner's bathroom or kitchen routines, and don't be too defensive about your own.
Agree a level a household cleanliness that compromises between your definitions of "clean enough". If you're too far apart for compromise to be possible, get separate rooms. If you're the neatfreak of the relationship, take responsibility for cleaning the common areas; if you're not, do an equal number of hours per week of other chores, like cooking, shopping, or maintenance and garden work.
Communicate.
No, really communicate.
Look, nobody believes you when you say "Nothing's wrong" so just fucking talk, ok?
There, don't you feel better?
Decide whose job it is to make the coffee in the morning.
If you mess up, apologize. If you're offered a sincere apology, accept it and move on. The severity of the "mess up" in question can sometimes affect the meaning of "move on", in which case refer to point 3.
Things irrelevant to the discussion/fight at hand do not belong there. If you're fighting, that means that something's gone wrong. Fix that. Fights are not a chance to hurt your partner, they are a chance to fix what's wrong.
When a fight is over, it's over.
Sometimes it's ok to go to bed angry. You might see things more clearly after eight hours of sleep. You most certainly will not if you spent the last eight hours seething in sleep deprivation.
Keep separate alarm clocks.
If it works for you guys, go with it. To hell with what other people think - they're not in this with you.
Show that you care as often as humanly possible. A simple "I love you" text on your lunch break can brighten someone's day in startling ways.
Don't let yourself feel inadequate by other people's representations of their relationship bliss. You filter yourself in public and on social media, and so do they.
Do stuff you love together.
Do stuff you love by yourself.
Get an object of mutual affection. It can be a kid, a dog, a plant, or a fabulous piece of statuary, whatever. Care for it together.
Find your partner's weak spots and do things to help them cope with them.
Allow your partner to see your weak spots.
Remember that out of the seven billion possible people in the world, you've chosen to spend your time with this one. There's a reason for that. Cherish it.
Agree a level a household cleanliness that compromises between your definitions of "clean enough". If you're too far apart for compromise to be possible, get separate rooms. If you're the neatfreak of the relationship, take responsibility for cleaning the common areas; if you're not, do an equal number of hours per week of other chores, like cooking, shopping, or maintenance and garden work.
Communicate.
No, really communicate.
Look, nobody believes you when you say "Nothing's wrong" so just fucking talk, ok?
There, don't you feel better?
Decide whose job it is to make the coffee in the morning.
If you mess up, apologize. If you're offered a sincere apology, accept it and move on. The severity of the "mess up" in question can sometimes affect the meaning of "move on", in which case refer to point 3.
Things irrelevant to the discussion/fight at hand do not belong there. If you're fighting, that means that something's gone wrong. Fix that. Fights are not a chance to hurt your partner, they are a chance to fix what's wrong.
When a fight is over, it's over.
Sometimes it's ok to go to bed angry. You might see things more clearly after eight hours of sleep. You most certainly will not if you spent the last eight hours seething in sleep deprivation.
Keep separate alarm clocks.
If it works for you guys, go with it. To hell with what other people think - they're not in this with you.
Show that you care as often as humanly possible. A simple "I love you" text on your lunch break can brighten someone's day in startling ways.
Don't let yourself feel inadequate by other people's representations of their relationship bliss. You filter yourself in public and on social media, and so do they.
Do stuff you love together.
Do stuff you love by yourself.
Get an object of mutual affection. It can be a kid, a dog, a plant, or a fabulous piece of statuary, whatever. Care for it together.
Find your partner's weak spots and do things to help them cope with them.
Allow your partner to see your weak spots.
Remember that out of the seven billion possible people in the world, you've chosen to spend your time with this one. There's a reason for that. Cherish it.
Communication is important indeed, and the realization that yourself and your partner(s) are two (more?) whole and separate individuals. I know songs and poetry and books all want to paint "twu lub" as being of "one soul, one mind" and on and on, but... really, you and whomever you're with are all unique. And, besides, aren't two whole people than two half people making a whole?