This one's mainly a "Giant-ass con journal has been taking up too much space for too long" journal, but I suppose an update wouldn't be out of the question. A lot of people are starting to prod me for things that they'd like to do one last time before I leave for college. I suppose that these requests come from them having a much better grasp of the passage of time than I do, as I somehow regarded this event as distant until someone asked about its timing and "next week" left my mouth in the course of the answer. I've most certainly wasted enough time here at home, and it ought to be time to move on, but it still feels like I blew through this time quite fast. That I did so without accomplishing anything of note is still more disturbing. Regardless, my cross words directed at the calendar won't really slow its progress any. Slogging through VA paperwork may make it seem like I've slowed time significantly, but I can't hold of that day for much longer.

I'd also like to apologize for what a slug I've been lately. You'll have to excuse my poor showmanship just in general. Having people watching me and being at all interested in what I do is a rather recent development that I have no experience with, so you'll have to bear with me. I've been unemployed for four months now, and I've very much noticed how profoundly lazy I've gotten. I've traveled the country, visited old friends, went to several furry conventions, worked on my novel some, but in all it's been a lot of sitting around surfing the internet. And I've noticed that my "surfing the internet" time is starting to be made up of a progressively larger fraction of furry porn as time goes on.

It's so odd. I don't do anywhere near as much writing as I used to, even though I CONSTANTLY wished I had more time to write when I was working all the time. I was starting to think there was something wrong with me, but I've noticed it in more cases than just my own. I think people work best under mild amounts of pressure and limited time. I'm no psychologist, but I'm sure there's a reason for it. I guess if you're not out there, doing work, interacting with people, getting stuff done, then that motivation engine just kind of breaks down and you don't feel like doing anything. I think it's that limited opportunities force you to take advantage of them. If I'm under pressure, then I don't know when the next chance I'll have to do something fun is, so I'll make the most of it. When time is unrestricted, then you just fall into this endless stream of "I'll do it later"s. Really fun and rewarding things actually do tend to take a fair amount of effort, so without that pressure, it tends to just be potato chips and youtube.

So in any case, I'll be going to college soon. Whether the new sense of motivation brings more content, or the new oppressive timecrunch brings less is anyone's guess. Things will be different though, and change is good.