Its hitting me hard lately... and I'll be honest you guys, ever since I've broke up with kairu, I've been treating him like shit... calling him names, starting fights etc... I do realize I need help... mental help.. maybe even meds. *sighs* I have no reasons to treat him like that. Its just I guess all these emotions and jealousy are getting out.... Im sorry guys, but if you read this journal and want to dislike me or hate me forever, go ahead.... I don't deserve any friends, or anything. I'll just lock myself away in a shell again and keep to myself. Hell, I've even attempted suicide lately too... one night I tried to slit my throat.... kairu did stop me... but the thought is still there.... I feel as if thats the only way out.