FA+
Shop
My Absence and Depression
12 years ago
i know you all are wondering where i am... and why i havnt gotten things done...
i know many of you may thing im being a pussy and i complain too much but my feelings are my own and i have a right to feel this way.
i have been busy with my job, yes, but its also that ive been so depressed... i have seasonal depression and it wasnt an issue last year but now so many of my friends are going away and my life is about my friends. im trying to get by... but shit just keeps happening...
my car is shitty... my parents have been fixing it, bless their souls, but i feel like its on its last year... its 22 years old, only has 82000 on her but shes just too old... once thats dead im fucked...
my job isn't paying me enough or giving me enough hours. i should be starting training to be a dog trainer soon but even still i feel like i shouldn't have left Petsmart even if it was taking a huge toll on my mental health... i can pay rent but that's it, if i want to be able to eat, i cant pay my bills...
my mate loves me but hes stressed out and depressed and he just wants to sit around and play video games all the time, we never go out and we only spend time together when we both want to cuddle and watch movies... it would be nice if he would go out on walks and shit with me.... i never said anything about spending money on me... tho it would be nice if i could have a mate who would take care of me... there's a huge lack of affection in my life...
i feel gross... my mate has told me time and time again that i am allowed to seek the affection and company of other men but i just don't have it anymore... i wondered for a while why men were not falling at my feet like they did in high school and i realized well, maybe it has something to do with the fact that i gained FUCKING 100 POUNDS! MAYBE MORE. WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO TO MYSELF!!?!?! and i have something to look forward to...
told me shes gunna teach me how to hoop in the spring, so that's really exciting. but its really hard to do that in the winter when its so cold... and then even still it will take a while to shed all this fucking weight.. i know it sounds stupid and stuck up and self centered, but really idk who doesn't want people flirting with them! i used to love crushing on people and flirting and chasing but now when i am like that its just sad, i cant be a tease anymore, because ive become a monster...
ALSO! my BEST friend in the world for like all of my life (14+) moved up to school in Minnesota and she came back to visit and turns out hey! she doesn't really seem to give a shit about me, and would rather see her EX BOYFRIEND than her own best-friend! not to mention the fact that my own aunts would rather hang out with her instead of me!!! THAT FEELS REALLY GREAT!!!
and even further more, i am EXTREMELY empathetic! meaning people around me, their emotions seep into mine, and lately, the people i have been around have been a bit down too. so in turn, on top of all this shit, i have the emotions of my household piling on top of me too...
so I AM SORRY!!! that i have outstanding commission!! I AM SORRY!!! that it took me this long to tell you this... and i really really hope that everyone understands... I HAVE NEVER left a PAID commission unfinished (to my knowledge) and i FULLY intend to finished each and everyone of them!! i will be working on them when i feel fit too, i dont like working on artwork of any kind when i don't feel it... it always ends up being shitty and i want all of my work and especially my paid commissions to be the best of quality that i am capable of.
thank you all for reading this... i appreciate nothing more than my watchers and the people who fav and comment my work. you are the reason why im still at this art thing... I WILL BE BACK. i love you all~
~Charlee~
i know many of you may thing im being a pussy and i complain too much but my feelings are my own and i have a right to feel this way.
i have been busy with my job, yes, but its also that ive been so depressed... i have seasonal depression and it wasnt an issue last year but now so many of my friends are going away and my life is about my friends. im trying to get by... but shit just keeps happening...
my car is shitty... my parents have been fixing it, bless their souls, but i feel like its on its last year... its 22 years old, only has 82000 on her but shes just too old... once thats dead im fucked...
my job isn't paying me enough or giving me enough hours. i should be starting training to be a dog trainer soon but even still i feel like i shouldn't have left Petsmart even if it was taking a huge toll on my mental health... i can pay rent but that's it, if i want to be able to eat, i cant pay my bills...
my mate loves me but hes stressed out and depressed and he just wants to sit around and play video games all the time, we never go out and we only spend time together when we both want to cuddle and watch movies... it would be nice if he would go out on walks and shit with me.... i never said anything about spending money on me... tho it would be nice if i could have a mate who would take care of me... there's a huge lack of affection in my life...
i feel gross... my mate has told me time and time again that i am allowed to seek the affection and company of other men but i just don't have it anymore... i wondered for a while why men were not falling at my feet like they did in high school and i realized well, maybe it has something to do with the fact that i gained FUCKING 100 POUNDS! MAYBE MORE. WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO TO MYSELF!!?!?! and i have something to look forward to...
told me shes gunna teach me how to hoop in the spring, so that's really exciting. but its really hard to do that in the winter when its so cold... and then even still it will take a while to shed all this fucking weight.. i know it sounds stupid and stuck up and self centered, but really idk who doesn't want people flirting with them! i used to love crushing on people and flirting and chasing but now when i am like that its just sad, i cant be a tease anymore, because ive become a monster...ALSO! my BEST friend in the world for like all of my life (14+) moved up to school in Minnesota and she came back to visit and turns out hey! she doesn't really seem to give a shit about me, and would rather see her EX BOYFRIEND than her own best-friend! not to mention the fact that my own aunts would rather hang out with her instead of me!!! THAT FEELS REALLY GREAT!!!
and even further more, i am EXTREMELY empathetic! meaning people around me, their emotions seep into mine, and lately, the people i have been around have been a bit down too. so in turn, on top of all this shit, i have the emotions of my household piling on top of me too...
so I AM SORRY!!! that i have outstanding commission!! I AM SORRY!!! that it took me this long to tell you this... and i really really hope that everyone understands... I HAVE NEVER left a PAID commission unfinished (to my knowledge) and i FULLY intend to finished each and everyone of them!! i will be working on them when i feel fit too, i dont like working on artwork of any kind when i don't feel it... it always ends up being shitty and i want all of my work and especially my paid commissions to be the best of quality that i am capable of.
thank you all for reading this... i appreciate nothing more than my watchers and the people who fav and comment my work. you are the reason why im still at this art thing... I WILL BE BACK. i love you all~
~Charlee~
If you ever wanna talk im a very easy dragon to talk to. I know we dont really know each other but thats what making friends is about right?
(Sorry this comment is bizzarr... tis late)
I'm sorry to hear money is so tight. Is there any way you can find a second job?
Sometimes it comes and goes. It all depends what triggers it. I have a thing called Manic Depression which can be caused by a number of things...but I wouldn't make it the main cause of all the bullshit crap that comes through my life like...a...WRECKINGBALL.
I can see where depression can cause some things to have a bumpy excursion. And I don't blame you for feeling this way due to some of the things you've pointed out in this journal entry. Friends and Best Friends are sometimes hard to deal with it. But have you talked to them and see if maybe you can both meet up and talk? o.O; Just a thought...
Work tends to be a bitch...especially when you've got to use the money for, for important things like bills and taking care of everyone around you. I just hope you can get enough money saved up for something you really want to put the money towards like a better car or something. :3 Money can usually be a under line cause of the depression sometimes because there's so much you want to spend your hard earned money on...but the biggest thing is...what? Is there something you really want but have to save the money to get something else taken care of first? -I hope not rambling on and on about stupid shit...xD-
Some people hear have suggested some very thoughtful things hear. Maybe you can find another part time job that could help with your money situation if the job you described above?
But yah...take time to do things for yourself. Like I've seen you post some things of a rather new hobby that you've loved for some time now? :3 Or...maybe...have you tried doing Meditation? It's just some minor suggestions if you would like to do somethings that would help calm down your depression. ^_^
I hope you get better soon. -huggles-
Dude winters in the midwest were too depressing for me. I had to f'in leave.
Anyway I miss your face, don't worry about taking forever on Atty tail, and if you ever want to visit somewhere sunny and warm just ask. <3
The major dietary changes you are looking to make would be to eat less meat, refined sugars, fats and replace them with proteins and vegetables. It is almost important to remember that simply eating less food will not alter your body mass and in fact might make losing weight more difficult. You need to change the types of foods you are consuming in addition to raising your levels of physical activity.