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Coming Out
12 years ago
I am on the verge of breaking down again. It's not even my birthday yet, but already I can feel the weight of time bearing down on me. I'm almost 28. Unemployed. Living in my parent's house. Horribly depressed. And to make it all worse, I've been hiding something from every one of you. Something that makes it painful to maintain a cheery facade during some conversations.
I am transgender. Just like my good friends Sinarra, and Frogapus. I've just kept it holed up, afraid of what it might mean for the truth to get out. How people might treat me differently. "It explains so much," they'll say. "His... her... THEY'RE obsession with voice modification. Is that why they write traps?" Certain jokes suddenly go off the table. Voices will get hushed when I enter a conversation. Awkward whispers when I leave.
I know, consciously, that it doesn't matter. Everyone's dealt with Sinarra, they've dealt with Frogapus. They'll deal with me too, right? Everyone will be accepting. But I can't help but second guess myself. It's what I do. I can't help but think, maybe I'm the odd one out, maybe no one even cares about me. It's why I've kept it all under wraps for so long. I just wanted to keep things the way they are. But I realized how counterproductive that is. My entire life, I've just tried to keep things as they are. And it's held me back for so long. I need to move forward. I just can't go another year with nothing happening.
So this year I'm going to try and change. This means yes, I'm coming out. You don't have to call me "she" or "her" yet. It's fine, it'll take time for me to present as female, if I ever can.
It also means I'm going to be seeing a doctor for my depression and anxieties. I'm unsure as yet how I'm going to pay for all this. I already owe Fenoxo plenty of writing, so I can't take more commissions. I'm sure I'll figure something out. Maybe I'll set up a donation thing, like a friend suggested.
So yeah. Here I am, out to the world. Now I'm going to just go sit over here and stress about how everyone is reacting to this.
I am transgender. Just like my good friends Sinarra, and Frogapus. I've just kept it holed up, afraid of what it might mean for the truth to get out. How people might treat me differently. "It explains so much," they'll say. "His... her... THEY'RE obsession with voice modification. Is that why they write traps?" Certain jokes suddenly go off the table. Voices will get hushed when I enter a conversation. Awkward whispers when I leave.
I know, consciously, that it doesn't matter. Everyone's dealt with Sinarra, they've dealt with Frogapus. They'll deal with me too, right? Everyone will be accepting. But I can't help but second guess myself. It's what I do. I can't help but think, maybe I'm the odd one out, maybe no one even cares about me. It's why I've kept it all under wraps for so long. I just wanted to keep things the way they are. But I realized how counterproductive that is. My entire life, I've just tried to keep things as they are. And it's held me back for so long. I need to move forward. I just can't go another year with nothing happening.
So this year I'm going to try and change. This means yes, I'm coming out. You don't have to call me "she" or "her" yet. It's fine, it'll take time for me to present as female, if I ever can.
It also means I'm going to be seeing a doctor for my depression and anxieties. I'm unsure as yet how I'm going to pay for all this. I already owe Fenoxo plenty of writing, so I can't take more commissions. I'm sure I'll figure something out. Maybe I'll set up a donation thing, like a friend suggested.
So yeah. Here I am, out to the world. Now I'm going to just go sit over here and stress about how everyone is reacting to this.
With love and understanding!
Word. Don't worry about me changing the dance. Also I will probably be keeping those jokes on the table, thank you very much. Lemme know if you need anything though.
Thanks man
Thanks!
I've had fun playing CoC and reading thoroughly through every story written, and I liked every single story from all the contributers of that game.
I've just recently found out you got an FA account so I had to watch it.
Whether you "present" or not, if you prefer female pronouns, I will absolutely use those to refer to you. <3
And I absolutely understand your reservations. No matter how many others you've seen successfully come out, it's different when it's yourself. Good luck to you and, though you may not know me well, I'm here for ya on that front! :D
(But all the previous support does apply. :3)