Let me start out by saying that I'm fine. I don't need extra love, care, or attention. It's my father, and remaining half-bother that should be in your thoughts.


As some of you already know, I'm up in Bremerton this week, visiting my parents and taking care of some issues with the bank I use and setting up a way for my parents to easily send me money for emergencies and the like. One of the primary purposes of which was to help fund the purchase of new PC parts. A belated Christmas gift from the past couple of years of me saying I needed them.

Yes. The parts have been ordered, and I'll finally have my desktop up to running specs. You can check out the parts here: ComputerParts List


Prior to the visit, my parents hadn't spoken tome much since Christmas, but we don't maintain regular communication, so I didn't think much of it. I was told later that on New-Year's, Dad had gone into the ER with heart fibrillation. Many of you may remember that it was just a year ago that he had major heart surgery, so this has me concerned more than a little.


Now, add to this a 4:21 AM phone call from my Dad's father on Saturday.. I was woken by the phone ringing, but didn't think much of it.. I was later told who it was, and what the call was about. I don't talk about it much, but I wasn't an only child growing up - I had two older half-brothers, on my father's side: Jason, the eldest, and Brian, the middle child.

I never really knew either of them very well, and they both left the house before I was 10 so I don't have any adult memories of them, but my father kept contact as best he could. The last he had heard from either of them before this weekend, was more than 10 years ago.

Brian, from everything I'd heard, had always been troubled. One of the few things I remember about him leaving, was how hurt my father had been by the way it happened, the things that had been said. He basically cut all ties to the family, and moved away to live with his biological mother. Last we had heard, he ended up living with his girlfriend, and was content.

The phone call, early this Saturday morning, was to inform us that Brian had killed himself, earlier that morning or late last night...

At some point, he had been diagnosed with schizophrenia, though how severe it was, we don't know. My father thinks that might have played a role in his choice to take his own life. There was a note, but we haven't been told what it says. Police are still investigating..

Dad seems to be handling it well, on the outside.. As I said, Brian had estranged himself from the family.. But I'm still worried - Losing a child, is still losing a child.. But in a way, I suppose Brian was 'lost' in my father's eyes when he turned his back on him in such a hurtful way, all those years ago.. Only he knows how he truly feels, and all I can do is be here for him. In a sense, I'm glad that I ended up being here when it happened.


As I said in the start of this journal, I'm fine.. Send your love, prayers, thoughts, to my father, and to the friends and family my brother left behind..