Gonna be heading back to COLORADO to take care of some important things! I wont be available for at least two weeks, but I will still be contactable and reachable from wherever. :) I will be on my little journey to getting medicated and treated for ADHD/Chronic Depression. Please excuse me for using ADHD throughout my entire journal. :D

I have a hunch that ADHD is just the problem itself, since it is prone to depression to begin with. Explains why I am often sad, negative, and emotional on Twitter, messengers, and in person. I have been incapable of being a good friend to any of my friends or at least be the friend I want to be. I have always lived short of every expectation I have on myself from big to small, I am a very ambitious and passionate person and I will never think otherwise, but I can admit that I hardly show it at times. My biggest dream is to have a bf that will draw with me ;~; or something (sorry random) xD. ADHD has been the wall that has caged me from my ambitions, love, and passion my entire life. Everywhere I turn it seems folks underplay ADHD just because their ADHD isn't as bad as mine or they just think it's just flat out hyper, so just wanting to make it clear that ADHD is in fact the only thing keeping me from drawing everyday, improving, and being positive. ADHD has taken over my entire life from the beginning, now it is up to me to make sure I am medicated and treated appropriately in hopes of functioning at least to some normal degree socially, emotionally, and constructively.

I was brought up around a very negative, neglectful, and aggressive family so it grew on me (obviously). My parents told me they don't believe in ADHD and that I'm just lazy and useless, they told me this all my life and never tried to really solve the problem. Can't blame them, since there hasn't been much improvement on treatment and medication for disabilities and disorders. I'm always unhappy with myself, I always feel lonely even when I have many friends, I always feel unwanted, and always lack LOTS of confidence socially no matter how much I think I am being myself I am very sure now that I am incapable of being myself. I cannot remember or keep information as much as I want because ADHD makes it harder to keep information, so that makes me less sociable even with subjects I really love. I rapidly think because of ADHD, so that means thinking negative things constantly until it turns into very negative things and then becomes painfully negative at the end of the day. I know all of my problems and the natural solutions to them, but for me my solution is mixed with natural and actually seeking out help since it's straight from a disorder/s that I have. I could go on for days about why ADHD is the cause of all my problems, but I'd rather leave the rest to your imagination while I fix it myself. I'm sure all the information I put together here is pretty much ADHD, since it's all scattered and disorganized.

I have a lot of friends that claim to have ADHD that go out of their way to NOT be supportive of my problems, specifically telling me it isn't that bad and I shouldn't stress about being able to socialize with them better. I THINK THEY SHOULD HELP ME instead of tell me "just be yourself", you're not doing me a favor by telling me something that doesn't apply to me! Be supportive, encouraging, and inviting to people who cant speak up please. lol

Feel free to send me an IM or PM to discuss anything of concern with me.

Here is a video if you don't understand or take ADHD seriously.