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I KNOW THIS IS A REALLY LONG JOURNAL BUT ITS HILARIOUS, YOU SHOULD READ IT
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Well guys I am back from Further Confusion 2014 and somehow I managed to escape with my life and (most of) my sanity. FC was my first furry convention and my first real encounter with furries in person. Not only was I attending my first convention, but I also had to present at this year's Adult Dragon Panel, where I basically had to get up on stage and talk about dragon porn in front of hundreds of people.

Yeah. I actually did that.

Now, I come from a very conservative upbringing and I am incredibly uncomfortable admitting my involvement in the furry fandom, let alone going into any details. I like to treat it as something best swept under the rug, so to go from that to being thrust in an environment where I was surrounded by furries in their element was quite the culture shock for me.

People kept asking me during the con how I was faring, and I would always give them the same response:

There were some good parts, some bad parts, and some ugly parts.

I will start out by saying that never in my entire life have I felt so uncomfortable, and so awkward. And I will go on by saying that at other times I was having an absolute blast. There were occasions when I felt so out-of-place that I needed to get away from everyone, and other times where I was laughing and joking and having tons of fun.

The con started off as a disaster. I arrived around noon on the first day, but everyone I was supposed to meet up with didn't get there until several hours later. I couldn't even check into my hotel until my roomie  Mandarax arrived because I didn't have the money to do so, so for a long time I was stuck in the middle of downtown San Jose, by myself, surrounded by furries, and with nothing to do. I walked around, noticed that on the streetposts there were posters advertising the con and I was suprised that the city of San Jose actually started endorsing this stuff. I go into the registration room and I kept getting approached by awkward people and too-friendly fursuiters. I got poked in the butt by someone - I don't know who. So, I tried to go invisible by pulling up my hoodie over my head, putting on my headphones, and started playing around on my phone, which is about as blatant of a "do not approach me" signal I can get without hanging a sign around my neck.

Eventually my other roomie,  Evalion, arrives, and I meet up with him. I've known him for a while and we've talked a lot on skype so things went smoothly. He calls himself a dragon but damn, that boy is a stick insect if I ever saw one. I was afraid someone would walk by a little too quickly and the wind would knock him over. I know you're reading this, Eva - hi! :P

While we were chatting we got approached by this asian guy who asked us a few questions about the con since it was his first time. We chatted for like a minute, whereupon he abruptly turned and left mid-conversation without even saying goodbye. Awkward. After that I met  Kiteless, who runs the Adult Dragon Panel. I go to shake his hand whereupon he says "Sorry, but I'm a hugger" and wraps me in a big hug instead. I hang around for a bit and subsequently volunteer to help him move his stuff to his room since I didn't want to be left alone at the con any longer than was necessary. Naturally, of all the things in his car, I was asked to carry his fursuit up to his hotel room (and let me reiterate that, just for the record, fursuits creep me out).

Man, this con is off to a great start so far.

Fast forward to the afternoon. I get my con nametag. I start noticing everyone has a drawn badge and start feeling left out, only to remind myself I don't have a fursona so having a badge would be pointless. Finally the rest of my friends arrive:  Syrinoth,  StarDragon102, and  Subito_Kurai. StarDragon had to make a big deal about giving me a really gay hug in public, but I refused to give him the satisfaction of being awkward about it.

We go out to eat and come back to Syri's hotel room where I meet  Skadjer,  Chiz-ance,  BGYoshi and a few other people whose names escape me. The vodka gets passed around as does Cards Against Humanity and we have a kickass first night. I spent at least a good hour talking to Skadjer and we got into some deep stuff (perhaps too deep for us both being drunk :P); I felt like we were able to connect on an intellectual level and that was awesome. Everybody loved playing Cards Against Humanity and its a shame we never got a second chance to play on another night.

The second day arrives, and I spent most of the time freaking out because that's the day they run the Adult Dragon Panel. I had no idea what to say, and no idea how I was going to compose myself having to discuss dragon porn in front of hundreds. I go to turn in my art (two unreleased pieces, one by  Narse and one by Syrinoth), and meet Kiteless a second time. He doesn't remember me despite me introducing myself to him yesterday, and also despite us talking quite a bit via email prior to the con, so things felt a bit awkward for me at first. Also, his shirt, depicting rainbow-.colored dragons making out, catches me rather off-guard. He asks me about my art, and I have to remind him for the second time that I don't draw, I write. Then he says I can't do the ADP because I can't present art that's not mine, and I start to feel things aren't turning out so well.

Kiteless is actually a nice guy, pretty affable and friendly; he just seemed like he had so much going on and couldn't quite keep track of everything, which I understand. Eventually I was able to get on level with him ("Oh, so you're the guy who wrote Dragon Ranch! Now I know who you are!") and things go a bit more smooth from there. He tells me he's making me an exception, that I'll be the first author in the history of the Adult Dragon Panel, and I'll have two slides with which to present art of my stories. We talk about my work which was awkward for me to do and I show him some more of my fan art that's private and I can't post on FA/SF. He talks about wanting to screw dragons and vore, and I try my best to be a good sport about it. He gives me a gatorade. I give him a few unpublished stories to read (spoilers: they're about dragon porn). Despite the topics being awkward for me to discuss I enjoy talking to him. Eventually I leave to go get food.

I take the elevator down from the 19th floor to the lobby and have to ride the entire way down with a fursuiter who silently stared at me the entire time. Goddammit.

I get invited to a Thai food place with a bunch of dragon-loving furries. Everybody seems to know each other and I'm feeling rather out-of-place at the moment so I don't talk much. I get good food but I have to say I experienced some of the worst service I've ever seen. We were stuck there for like an hour after eating and we still hadn't gotten our checks, and poor Evalion and Skadjer didn't even get their food until everyone else had ate!

We leave with the thick smell of curry still clinging to the inside of my nostrils. Time comes for the Adult Dragon Panel and I still have no idea what to say. I'm starting to freak out. StarDragon and Syrinoth and Subito_Kurai are all being really good about it, trying to reassure me. I spend a long time writing up notes I know I'll never use because I'll forget them on-stage. I take ample amounts of alcohol with me: it's my coping device, and I know I'll need it. At the panel, before it starts, I meet a lot of people. I see  Sprout and say hi, and thanks for his awesome art of Penelope. Wish I could have talked with him more.

The panel begins and I sit in my seat feeling like a man on death row waiting for his name to be called. Eventually, my turn comes to present at the panel. By this time I am fortunately drunk: there's no way I can do this sober. I take my phone with me (it's got my notes on it) and immediately forget to use them. I begin talking, introducing myself, and tell a joke. I introduce my first piece and start talking about Dragon Ranch. I say the word "Vagina" on stage. I get the audience to laugh and they start clapping at something funny I say. I go on to talk about The Persistent Dragon. I completely forget to talk about any of the more intricate and thoughtful stuff that goes into my writing (you know, the parts of my writing that I am actually proud about) in lieu of talking about dragons that want to diddle humans (to be fair, I'm sure that's what people would have rather me talk about). I ask for questions and two people raise their hands. One of the questions are "Will Penelope ever do anal?" which I find difficult to answer.

After the panel ends people congratulate me on doing really well, I get told that I "rocked the panel", so I think that means I did pretty well.... I was too drunk and too nervous to remember most of what I said. I meet  Dreamous and we talk for a bit. I was disappointed to find he hasn't read any of my stories. I meet other folks whose names I can't remember. We get shooed out of the stage room by an employee who wants to clean and shut down the place, and continue talking.

There's all sorts of fursuiters going about their business outside in the hallway. I spot one suiter wearing boxers (a sure sign that it's one of those suits with a zipper in the front), and has a bandanna around the head that says "Murrsuit".

Stay classy, San Jose.

Anyway I'm hanging around :Syrinoth and company, and I'm keeping a wary eye on some of these suiters, when all of the sudden a pair of fur-covered arms wrap around me from behind and I'm suddenly I'm all like OHGODGETITOFFME. I turn to see its the murrsuiter. Everybody starts laughing, I feel dirty and violated. Frantically, I try to rub off the murriness from my clothes, but the taint acts like foul blood that won't wash out. I yell that I need an adult. Somebody points out that the murrsuiter IS an adult. I begin to whimper. He starts to stalk me down the hallway, giving chase when I run away. An altercation happens which I will refrain from going into detail, suffice to say it had everybody laughing.

(All in all, I was actually being good sport about it. Didn't get angry or anything. But still, fuck that noise: I'm not getting hugged again. :P)

Next day comes. Mandarax invites me to join some other people out for late breakfast/early lunch. I come and find that there's like fourteen people there and they're all fans of dragons. Some of them actually identify themselves as a dragon, but thankfully they weren't really awkward about it like others I've talked to in the past. We go to a pub/restaurant called Gordon Biersch which has really good food. I start talking to some of the people at the table, introducing myself. Some of the people I talked to I unfortunately can't remember their names (If you're reading this and you remember talking to me, give me a shout-out in the comments!). I try taking constant glances at everyone's con badges so I could remember people's names but eventually they all start to blend together. I start going into some of my favorite stories about my most creepiest fans and most awkward encounters, and have everybody around me laughing. The general consensus was that I inexplicably have the creepiest fans out of everybody at the table. I had a really good time despite being in a big group of people and not knowing a single person there. Next morning we end up going to Gordon Biersch's again with the same group (which I did not complain about; like I said, its good food), and this time I get to talk to  Necrodrone13 a bit. I have to say she is the most sweet, nice, and affable person I met at the con and I'm glad I met her.

People keep asking me why I don't have a badge and what my fursona is, and I keep telling them I don't have a fursona, and then everyone's all like "Oh, you should get one" and I'm all like "No". Eventually I just start telling everyone who asks that my fursona is a feral human, and that I'm always wearing my murrsuit (Yes, it's a murrsuit because my jeans have a zipper in the front).

The next days of the con all blend together a bit. Somewhere along the line I meet  Skywize and we chat for a bit. I ended up following Necro's group to the Dealer's Den where I felt incredibly out-of-place. There's all this furry merchandise out: all these wearable tales, gay furry pride pins, erotic comics for sale, and I want nothing to do with any of it. I meet up with Syrinoth and StarDragon102 there and sit around with nothing to do while they drool over dragon posters for like twenty minutes (Star ended up buying three of them). I spy Dreamous over at his Dragon's Hoard booth and ponder going over and saying hi, but he then suddenly starts kissing his boyfriend and I quickly decide it's not a good time.

I hang around them just because I had nothing else to do but eventually I just decide to leave because I really was bored out of my mind and was just feeling like I didn't belong. Somewhere along the line I sit down at the art tables with some of the people I met at Gordon Biersch's and start chatting with this guy that goes by the name of  Truce. He's doing this awesome cartoony-styled drawing and we just start talking about art and writing for what seemed like a half hour or so. Really nice guy, glad I met him. I also spy  Byzil and say hi, but he's as skittish as a bird so we don't actually talk.

I go back to Syri's room to pick up my stuff and everybody is tired so we all take a nap. I start telling Syri and Star about the infamous "wall of heterosexuality" (It's an in-joke) and certain shenanigans occur which have us all cracking up and laughing instead of sleeping.

That night I go to a small room party: I know absolutely no one there, but there's alcohol, so I'm able to loosen up enough to have a good time. I have another hour-long conversation with :Skadjer. This one girl (I forget her name) was drawing people's fursonas and when she got to me I told her I didn't have one. So then she just thought for a moment and said "Hmmm... I'll just draw your beard." So now I got a sketch of my face next to a dragon doodle to keep. :P She was really nice also made some very tasty drinks... wish I could remember her name!

Now I won't go into detail about some of the incredibly uncomfortably dressed furries and freakish fursuiters to avoid singling anyone out, but I will share a few horror stories: Somewhere along the lines I ran into a couple of people "scritching" (just like that CSI episode... yeah, you know what I'm talking about), and they were making all sorts of weird animal noises and were doing it IN AN ELEVATOR of all places. I also ran into a couple of furries doing who knows what - crawling all over eachother and making more animal noises IN THE MIDDLE OF A FRIGGEN HALLWAY.

I about NOPEd my way right out of the con after that.

During the last night of the con everybody I hang around breaks out the draw pads and pencils. I join in (Syri and Star have been encouraging me to learn how to draw) and I quickly get frustrated because nothing I am doing is turning out right. I talk to this guy with Raptor in his name... forget his full name, unfortunately. He was cool to talk with, I start telling him about my stories, he recommends a few good books to read.

I go to the kareoke room, and sing Enter Sandman by Metallica, despite the fact that I don't even like metal that much. I nearly blow out my voice doing so. As I sung there was this guy in a fursuit "playing" an inflatable guitar toy next to me. I wasn't drunk enough for that moment....

I rejoin others at the drawing table after I sing. A fursuiter comes over and starts to harass me, trying to get close to me and touch/hug me. He says he met me first when he was out of suit but I had no idea who he was. I know the teasing is all in good fun and I don't get upset over it, I just go with it and humor him. Eventually he starts to chase me and I NOPE my way out of there and decide to head back to the hotel because I'm getting tired.

Last day of the con arrives and I feel like I am ready to get the hell out. I meet up at a Pita Pit with Syrinoth, StarDragon:, Subito_Kurai, Skadjer, and Evalion, who all come to see me off. These were the core group of friends I hung out with the most at the con, and its who I had the most fun with. I was sad to say goodbye to everybody, except Star... he can go choke on a dick (Just kidding! :P). After that I hopped on the light rail back to the airport, feeling both sad and relieved to leave.

I had a ton of awkward encounters (many of which I don't want to tell in case anyone might recognize themselves), but a lot of good moments as well. Further Confusion definitely was an... interesting experience for me. I had so many envelopes pushed and so many buttons pressed and so many barriers broken down that its hard to not walk away a little shell shocked from the whole thing. But, would I go again? The answer is... maybe. I would be interested if it didn't cost so much money. I definitely had a ton of fun hanging out with all the awesome people I met and even if I don't return, I would like to say it's been a blast hanging out with you all.

Now, excuse me while I go sit under a cold shower and try to forget being hugged by a murrsuiter.