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Chris Leads A Sheltered Life #12114 Weezils and Post-QI
11 years ago
Hayyy, so my furriness is compartmentalized now!
Still shifting stuff over to Weasyl (same account: chrisgoodwin), but it's slow going and a little clunky. Many of you lovely folks pointed me tools that I'm using, but the bulk uploader requires more 'puter savvy than my donkey brain can manage. Something about pythons and scripts and such. I tried to download and install and run, but no dice :\
I really didn't want to have to piecemeal upload everything again, but at least it can be organized now :) Will start that along with posting new things there, too. The end state is to wrap up here, but that's going to take time.
Would it be worthwhile to move over journals too, I wonder? Not all the personal bullshit because that's dumb, but the technical posts about art and such have seemed useful to folks.
- - -
Speaking of which, TMI time!
So this past weekend S. and I went and had a ball at Queer Invasion. Each time we've attended, it's been incrementally more interesting and challenging, much like your basic RPG.
The technical 101 is: Doms exert control. subs yield control. Tops give sensation. Bottoms receive sensation. The top/bottom thing can subdivide to sadists who enjoy giving pain, and masochists enjoy receiving pain. Top/bottom can also refer to sexual roles.
These are all different things that can mix and match - they don't mean the same thing. You can be a Dominant masochistic sexual top: making somebody hurt you while you fuck them, for example. Or engage in D/s without pain - or even without physical sensation at all, just emotional interaction. It's all very modular and optional, and people into kink end up versed in separating these things out and managing their chosen interactions like grown-ups.
Some folks really go in for the mental blah and the dominance games and such, and that's cool, but it's not really for me. I've found that I have the best time hurting people who want to be hurt, without roleplay or side trappings. I don't use coded safewords because to me, "No" means no and "Slow Down" means slow down, and "Stop" means stop. I'm happy to communicate plainly, and am not interested in forcing anything or being "Sir". There are some folks who want to feel abused, but I'm not interested in that situation, or restraints or gags or other means of control. I have no interest in control, but violence - and with the right partner, it's like dancing :)
Anyway, I don't need most of the categories to have a good time, and am something of a pure sadist at QI. This has resulted in rather positive experiences, with a lot of mutuality and affection. And it's been my welcome discovery that pure sensory masochists do exist and that I can get along well with them very well.
S. says that pure sadists are rare, because most people are interested in some aspect of D/s. But that can be a lot of overhead for somebody who wants the endorphin rush of a beating, but doesn't want emotional entanglements or sexual complications or feeling worthless/helpless. I apparently am the guy for just that thing :) So I was approached this time by folks who all saw me play previously and were interested in a scene this time around; I was kept rather busy!
This time around I seem to have leveled up among folks known to be heavy masochists. So I was able to play with each partner as hard as I wanted until I was exhausted - which was really startling and thrilling for me. I was also surprised by the physical range of expression, as well. Tall and gaunt, short and soft, buff and solid, smooth or hairy. One partner was built like a truck, extremely dense and muscular, and it was like hitting a wall - that was amazingly freeing for me. In general the people I interacted with this time gave me permission for wonderful release and venting.
I have previously been able to provide a kind of catharsis for my partners, but this time around they weren't pent up at all - if anything these folks were giggling or happily moaning from the start. I think I was the one to enjoy the greater release this time, and I was able to get out all my tension and anger and blah :)
Another benefit from playing with highly experienced bottoms was that they taught me some advanced stuff I wouldn't have picked up before with more casual bottoms: like how to punch tricky places (along the ribs or to the face) and different kinds of choking. I also learned about pacing an overall evening of scenes: these were folks who were going to be playing heavily all night, so they were aware to save some places on the body for later, develop some places already focused upon in previous scenes, and varying sensation from top to top.
A downside is that more casual bottoms avoided me for play. I was approached by a profoundly attractive person who wanted to say that they like watching me and wanted to let me know they enjoyed my scenes, but were regretfully not into such heavy impact play personally. I said thank you and that I appreciated the feedback. I almost mentioned that I could simply not play as hard to accommodate this preferences - and I would have. But then realized that eagerness to please was a kneejerk reaction and I didn't have to - I didn't have to compromise myself to make everybody happy simply because they were nice to me. This was a profound realization.
Perhaps needless to say, the heavy masochists were uniformly kind, chill people. Very warm and agreeable and down to earth - I can imagine that you don't have much to be stressed about if you know yourself that well - not exactly zen masters, but you get the idea. No self-deception. If you're honest with yourself about what you need and want, you can find other likeminded people and get on with it consentually and responsibly.
Other minor stuff happened, but I feel like I'm rambling now and the above was the most central experience, really. I did feel more "among my people" than an interloper this time, and enjoyed many moments of beauty and humanism.
- - -
Hmm, what else. It's snowstorming now, Boston is freaking out because: oh noez, snowz. Should make for a cozy work-from-home day tomorrow. Socks and cats and soup and tea and pixels. The wendigo is at the door!
Still shifting stuff over to Weasyl (same account: chrisgoodwin), but it's slow going and a little clunky. Many of you lovely folks pointed me tools that I'm using, but the bulk uploader requires more 'puter savvy than my donkey brain can manage. Something about pythons and scripts and such. I tried to download and install and run, but no dice :\
I really didn't want to have to piecemeal upload everything again, but at least it can be organized now :) Will start that along with posting new things there, too. The end state is to wrap up here, but that's going to take time.
Would it be worthwhile to move over journals too, I wonder? Not all the personal bullshit because that's dumb, but the technical posts about art and such have seemed useful to folks.
- - -
Speaking of which, TMI time!
So this past weekend S. and I went and had a ball at Queer Invasion. Each time we've attended, it's been incrementally more interesting and challenging, much like your basic RPG.
The technical 101 is: Doms exert control. subs yield control. Tops give sensation. Bottoms receive sensation. The top/bottom thing can subdivide to sadists who enjoy giving pain, and masochists enjoy receiving pain. Top/bottom can also refer to sexual roles.
These are all different things that can mix and match - they don't mean the same thing. You can be a Dominant masochistic sexual top: making somebody hurt you while you fuck them, for example. Or engage in D/s without pain - or even without physical sensation at all, just emotional interaction. It's all very modular and optional, and people into kink end up versed in separating these things out and managing their chosen interactions like grown-ups.
Some folks really go in for the mental blah and the dominance games and such, and that's cool, but it's not really for me. I've found that I have the best time hurting people who want to be hurt, without roleplay or side trappings. I don't use coded safewords because to me, "No" means no and "Slow Down" means slow down, and "Stop" means stop. I'm happy to communicate plainly, and am not interested in forcing anything or being "Sir". There are some folks who want to feel abused, but I'm not interested in that situation, or restraints or gags or other means of control. I have no interest in control, but violence - and with the right partner, it's like dancing :)
Anyway, I don't need most of the categories to have a good time, and am something of a pure sadist at QI. This has resulted in rather positive experiences, with a lot of mutuality and affection. And it's been my welcome discovery that pure sensory masochists do exist and that I can get along well with them very well.
S. says that pure sadists are rare, because most people are interested in some aspect of D/s. But that can be a lot of overhead for somebody who wants the endorphin rush of a beating, but doesn't want emotional entanglements or sexual complications or feeling worthless/helpless. I apparently am the guy for just that thing :) So I was approached this time by folks who all saw me play previously and were interested in a scene this time around; I was kept rather busy!
This time around I seem to have leveled up among folks known to be heavy masochists. So I was able to play with each partner as hard as I wanted until I was exhausted - which was really startling and thrilling for me. I was also surprised by the physical range of expression, as well. Tall and gaunt, short and soft, buff and solid, smooth or hairy. One partner was built like a truck, extremely dense and muscular, and it was like hitting a wall - that was amazingly freeing for me. In general the people I interacted with this time gave me permission for wonderful release and venting.
I have previously been able to provide a kind of catharsis for my partners, but this time around they weren't pent up at all - if anything these folks were giggling or happily moaning from the start. I think I was the one to enjoy the greater release this time, and I was able to get out all my tension and anger and blah :)
Another benefit from playing with highly experienced bottoms was that they taught me some advanced stuff I wouldn't have picked up before with more casual bottoms: like how to punch tricky places (along the ribs or to the face) and different kinds of choking. I also learned about pacing an overall evening of scenes: these were folks who were going to be playing heavily all night, so they were aware to save some places on the body for later, develop some places already focused upon in previous scenes, and varying sensation from top to top.
A downside is that more casual bottoms avoided me for play. I was approached by a profoundly attractive person who wanted to say that they like watching me and wanted to let me know they enjoyed my scenes, but were regretfully not into such heavy impact play personally. I said thank you and that I appreciated the feedback. I almost mentioned that I could simply not play as hard to accommodate this preferences - and I would have. But then realized that eagerness to please was a kneejerk reaction and I didn't have to - I didn't have to compromise myself to make everybody happy simply because they were nice to me. This was a profound realization.
Perhaps needless to say, the heavy masochists were uniformly kind, chill people. Very warm and agreeable and down to earth - I can imagine that you don't have much to be stressed about if you know yourself that well - not exactly zen masters, but you get the idea. No self-deception. If you're honest with yourself about what you need and want, you can find other likeminded people and get on with it consentually and responsibly.
Other minor stuff happened, but I feel like I'm rambling now and the above was the most central experience, really. I did feel more "among my people" than an interloper this time, and enjoyed many moments of beauty and humanism.
- - -
Hmm, what else. It's snowstorming now, Boston is freaking out because: oh noez, snowz. Should make for a cozy work-from-home day tomorrow. Socks and cats and soup and tea and pixels. The wendigo is at the door!
http://www.flickr.com/photos/eselkunst/
It not really a social scene, but still a good repository and for seeing a bunch of other cool stuff in general.
Thanks for sharing!
It can be frustrating and exasperating to have that situation, because people watch you beat hell out of someone and seem to fall into the trap of "Oh, there's no way I could take that, therefore I shouldn't play with them." instead of "I wonder if he'd meet me halfway?"
Given my personal wiring is all about trust and its exchange... :\ It's like... come on people. Negotiate a scene with me. Argh.
Anyway, glad you had fun. Love the image of hitting someone that buff and solid; that's an experience I haven't had a chance to try yet. But definitely love the atmosphere where you get that many smiling faces enjoying themselves under your hands.
I love your journals, and since I personally plan to ween over to weasyl fulltime I'd def love to see your posts! But you gotta move at your own pace of course.
I was thinking about that realization you had. I know exactly how that feels! I have always been a people pleaser and I'm learning the same lesson right now. I think of you as a very intelligent and considered person so its a bit of a puzzle that the realization could have evaded you before that moment. When I thought about it I became aware of how often I find myself struck by things that I already know. I think sometimes the big shock comes from the self awareness of how we are acting.
Also, I have so much respect for your introspection and authenticity. You seem like such an actualized person and I would love to meet you at a con some day.
I feel I have a lot to say about this, but no words are coming, so have that. And thanks for sharing, as always!
As for woozle, actually got an account back when they were still new then mostly forgot about it for lack of users. It'll be interesting to see what results after the dust settles.
You may consider that weasyl lets people favorite journals, so especially with some of your more educationy-posts you may consider it worthwhile for that alone. :) Your choice tho!
As for this one, I'm more and more interested in QI every time you write on it -- it's gripping to me because apart from one minor thing (choking) as part of a broader relationship-type urge, I can't really put myself into shoes that really let me directly interpret a lot of what you're into. That you can have bigger, less specific/restricted thought developments as part of it blows my mind, because that's not really a relationship I have with most of my kink at this time.
More simply -- I like these journals and find them both educational and encouraging.
There are many folks who don't participate but tolerate and enjoy instead the freedom of space to be themselves without judgements and among others doing the same, y'know?
Not many, but there are those that just show up ornamentally ;)
I got the impression you were more interested in the psychological than the physical, yes?
They are all here, along with new ones:
https://www.weasyl.com/submissions/.....folderid=43751
You don't NEED to delete stuff off your old site when you go. Unless you're doing it as a great big F.U. to anyone left behind.
Now I'm off to see if there are any new uploads to VCL *grin*
I really miss the community but one has to make these sacrifices while pursuing systematized education.
It's really uplifting to read your journals about your forays- get the warm fuzzies reading it :3
Thanks~