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11 years ago
Hey there guys,
I've been kind of sparse on line lately and I figured this is the best way to let people know what's going on.
I don't generally like dragging my real life problems on line, but I kind of feel bad keeping people in the dark anymore.
As some of my closer friends might know already, my Grandfather has been suffering various types of cancer since 2008, and last October we finally ran out of options and he was declared terminal. It's been hard the last few months watching him become so sick and weak. I've seen half a dozen people suffer and die from cancer in my life, you sort of get used to it after a while, but with him it seems different. He's the strongest person I know, the one person who always seemed to have his shit together, the man in the family that everyone could rely on, and the person who was like a father to me when I didn't have one.
The way things are now, it looks like he won't make it to his next birthday (May 9th) and the thoughts of what that means for the family has left me with near crippling bouts of sadness.
What blows my mind right now is the amount of denial I see in my family regarding it. No one has any plans yet with his will, what we're going to do with their house, or where my Grandma is going to stay once Grandpa is gone. It's really frustrating. When my Stepfather's Mother died in November of 2012, they also waited until the last minute to take care of everything. I had to watch them bring in a lawyer as she lay in a hospital bed, riddled with cancer and covered head to toe in sores. I don't want to see that again, especially not with Grandpa. But I can't say anything.
On top of all this, my Mom decided a few weeks ago that she wanted to get a dog. She decided to do this while I was out of town, and I couldn't say anything about it. Now she expects me to take care of it all day every day. If I keep it in its cage, it barks and rattles the cage around unless I lie perfectly still on the sofa. When it's out, I can't leave him alone for more than a few minutes without him tearing apart the house.
The stuff with the Dog and Grandpa has made it almost impossible to find time to draw. I don't know what to do anymore. Art was the only thing that took my mind off that stuff. I've been spending what little free time I have trying to sleep.
I don't know where my life is going at this point. I'm trying to find a job to help support my family, but when I suggested to Mom that I move in with my Grandparents so as to help them she turned it around to make it seem like I was being unfair to her.
I really just want some stability in my life. I don't know what's going to happen next week, or tomorrow. If I go out of town for work, the house may be totally different when I come back due to Mom's impulses. I'm never sure if there's going to be food in the house when I come back from a work trip. I just don't know anymore.
I need a break until I can figure out what's going on and until I can balance things out
Sorry guys
-freder
I've been kind of sparse on line lately and I figured this is the best way to let people know what's going on.
I don't generally like dragging my real life problems on line, but I kind of feel bad keeping people in the dark anymore.
As some of my closer friends might know already, my Grandfather has been suffering various types of cancer since 2008, and last October we finally ran out of options and he was declared terminal. It's been hard the last few months watching him become so sick and weak. I've seen half a dozen people suffer and die from cancer in my life, you sort of get used to it after a while, but with him it seems different. He's the strongest person I know, the one person who always seemed to have his shit together, the man in the family that everyone could rely on, and the person who was like a father to me when I didn't have one.
The way things are now, it looks like he won't make it to his next birthday (May 9th) and the thoughts of what that means for the family has left me with near crippling bouts of sadness.
What blows my mind right now is the amount of denial I see in my family regarding it. No one has any plans yet with his will, what we're going to do with their house, or where my Grandma is going to stay once Grandpa is gone. It's really frustrating. When my Stepfather's Mother died in November of 2012, they also waited until the last minute to take care of everything. I had to watch them bring in a lawyer as she lay in a hospital bed, riddled with cancer and covered head to toe in sores. I don't want to see that again, especially not with Grandpa. But I can't say anything.
On top of all this, my Mom decided a few weeks ago that she wanted to get a dog. She decided to do this while I was out of town, and I couldn't say anything about it. Now she expects me to take care of it all day every day. If I keep it in its cage, it barks and rattles the cage around unless I lie perfectly still on the sofa. When it's out, I can't leave him alone for more than a few minutes without him tearing apart the house.
The stuff with the Dog and Grandpa has made it almost impossible to find time to draw. I don't know what to do anymore. Art was the only thing that took my mind off that stuff. I've been spending what little free time I have trying to sleep.
I don't know where my life is going at this point. I'm trying to find a job to help support my family, but when I suggested to Mom that I move in with my Grandparents so as to help them she turned it around to make it seem like I was being unfair to her.
I really just want some stability in my life. I don't know what's going to happen next week, or tomorrow. If I go out of town for work, the house may be totally different when I come back due to Mom's impulses. I'm never sure if there's going to be food in the house when I come back from a work trip. I just don't know anymore.
I need a break until I can figure out what's going on and until I can balance things out
Sorry guys
-freder
It sounds as if your mother has some issues as well; I assume that this is her father who has cancer?
You may need to just go and take executive action by moving in with your grandmother and grandfather. Your mom may resent it at first but you are doing this for their sake, not your own. Do you think she'd come to accept that if you just did it?
I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. I've done the same and I know how hard it is.
If you find the time, any time, and can ping me: I can talk or, probably more valuably, listen.
Yours,
Sylvan