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Struggling
12 years ago
General
It's only been a month into 2014 but it's been a pretty interesting one, I think. I've felt some happiness, a lot of disappointment, stress, and other things. Right now, I'm kind of under the impression that only bad things happen to me, because I've yet to have anything nice happen so far, in such a long time. That probably sounds typical, but despite those feelings, I always feel like I could at least turn to art and be able to express myself.
However, lately, it's hard to even turn to art to help me feel better. I feel like since I had the whole incident two years ago where I took on too many commissions and it took me a long time to finish them and let many of my customer's down, I stagnated severely. It's like, I have so many ideas in my head, all the time, so much artist ambition, but I can't express those ideas, at all. Like, my imagination and creativity is not synced with my hands. Not being able to do what I like and what I'm most known for is a horrible feeling. I find myself staring at my sketchbook, wanting to draw something and nothing comes out. When it does, I erase my progress after 5 minutes, over and over again, and then three hours pass by and I have literally nothing done. It's terrifying when someone asks me to teach them, because I feel like I have nothing to teach, or I'm not confident enough with my art to teach someone else my crappy techniques. I've been an artist for almost a decade and I feel like I should have progressed so much further along but I haven't. I'm all style and no substance. My art has no emotion, it's stale, and I have no idea how to fix it. When I try and draw something, I'll know what I want, but once I begin and drawing a small part of it, my mind shuts down and I have absolutely no idea how to proceed. I understand anatomy but at the same time I don't understand it all and I don't know how to bend it to my will. I know I have a great style but I have not lived up to my potential at all. I've seen some beginner artists since I joined FA who, only a couple of years later, have even surpassed me.
Right now, I feel like I should stop taking commissions, finish the ones in the queue, and take a hiatus, or something. The pressure of owing commissions, the pressure of graduating, the pressure of juggling my clusterfuck of emotions together and trying to find a balance is becoming overwhelming. I'm mentally exhausted, and tired, and little stupid things keep happening to me and killing my motivation. Sometimes I feel really hopeless.
However, lately, it's hard to even turn to art to help me feel better. I feel like since I had the whole incident two years ago where I took on too many commissions and it took me a long time to finish them and let many of my customer's down, I stagnated severely. It's like, I have so many ideas in my head, all the time, so much artist ambition, but I can't express those ideas, at all. Like, my imagination and creativity is not synced with my hands. Not being able to do what I like and what I'm most known for is a horrible feeling. I find myself staring at my sketchbook, wanting to draw something and nothing comes out. When it does, I erase my progress after 5 minutes, over and over again, and then three hours pass by and I have literally nothing done. It's terrifying when someone asks me to teach them, because I feel like I have nothing to teach, or I'm not confident enough with my art to teach someone else my crappy techniques. I've been an artist for almost a decade and I feel like I should have progressed so much further along but I haven't. I'm all style and no substance. My art has no emotion, it's stale, and I have no idea how to fix it. When I try and draw something, I'll know what I want, but once I begin and drawing a small part of it, my mind shuts down and I have absolutely no idea how to proceed. I understand anatomy but at the same time I don't understand it all and I don't know how to bend it to my will. I know I have a great style but I have not lived up to my potential at all. I've seen some beginner artists since I joined FA who, only a couple of years later, have even surpassed me.
Right now, I feel like I should stop taking commissions, finish the ones in the queue, and take a hiatus, or something. The pressure of owing commissions, the pressure of graduating, the pressure of juggling my clusterfuck of emotions together and trying to find a balance is becoming overwhelming. I'm mentally exhausted, and tired, and little stupid things keep happening to me and killing my motivation. Sometimes I feel really hopeless.
Maybe just take things slow till you get out of it?
I personally think your art is fantastic and I love your style.
Keep on keepin' on! I'm sure everything will be fine.
I gave up the pen and pencil for all the reasons you at first describe and you are even deeper in than I was when I quit XD
While I am not encouraging quiting I am also discouraging taking a complete break, always always make ART for yourself and no one else(unless you feel like it that day).
It sounds like you let a passion and deep interest in something become a "job" and as we know jobs suck away all desire from the soul for the activity you do whilst at your "job." While you might still enjoy doing it (for others, i.e. cooks love cooking for others but when they get home they NEVER WILL TOUCH THE KITCHEN).
It sounds like the responsibilities of commissions/doing art as work, has sucked all the desire for your emotional outlet through art/creative drive.
No real advice sorry, since I chose the "quit" option lol.
Just take a step back breath, go do something fun for yourself(I like to go out and treat myself to a nice meal ALONE at a fancyish restaurant) and it will relieve a lot of the stress, A nice cup of matchagreen tea, or a real dark chocolate milkshake/cocoadrink usually does the trick. If not dark chocolate than cinnamon based product(cinnamon is more effective at releasing well...opiates into your brain for guys than chocolate(generally)).
If you.need.to take a hiatus, do so, your commissioners can and will wait. Your mental health and wellbeing is absolute top priority. And while on hiatus, do what i do and bring a small sketchbook everywhere...regardless if youre going to draw in it or not, having it close is surprisingly comforting and sometimes you might even doodle without noticing it and end up with something youre proud of just out of pure boredom. If im on hiatus, my little sketchpad goes everywhere with me...i never use it but it goes anyways. Eventually my brain gets inspired somehow and all of a sudden im drawing something again without even realising it.
Youre burnt out and thats okay, its normal. Take a break, its much better for you and your art to do so.
PS. Seriously don't feel bad about not having commissions. It is your life after all. If it isn't worth the stress at the moment just put it on hold.
What you need to do is simple, yet it can be very difficult to do. The key is to love yourself. It's as simple as that. Love yourself, and let yourself off the hook. After all, you don't owe anything to anyone beside yourself, and whether or not you feel you've lived up to your own expectations is entirely up to you to decide.
So, cut yourself some slack. Read what you wrote not as if you wrote it, but as if a really good friend wrote it. What would you tell them? How do you think they should go about doing things differently? Then, do that.
The biggest thing you need to do is love, and appreciate you. Realize that nobody is perfect, ever. There is no such thing. Every mistake is a lesson, and every regret is a lesson trapped. I know it's cliche as hell, and I'm not gonna lie-it's gonna be a lot of work, but if you're proactive at replying to yourself with loving talk every time you think something negative, you will gradually get better.
Every negative thought should be responded with a positive one. You're not lying to yourself, you're telling yourself the truth. You deserve love, you deserve good things, and art is a good thing. Anything that helps you admire the beauty that rests within your soul is a good thing, and is something you deserve very much. It's something we all deserve.
I know this sounds sappy, but it's helped me. I believe it with every bit of my being. Please love you for you. Don't worry about it happening all at once, it's a life long process but you gotta start somewhere, let this be the start of something wonderful.
I 110% agree with ziddlers words. Take some time to love and appreciate yourself, and to be grateful for what you do have right now. Beating yourself up over your slow pace at completing commissions will only make you feel worse and will not help your creativity return to you. So focus on yourself and your happiness, release your guilt and regret. Do something that you enjoy besides art to re-energize yourself, don't think about what you owe while your doing these things.
When you feel your motivation return, come back to your commissions. If you feel you're looking up at a mountain, just focus on the first step. Break the list down into tiny goals and accomplishments, it will help you stay motivated as you climb that mountain. But even as you face this mountain, don't forget to continue enjoying the other things in life that make you happy on a daily basis.
Love and appreciate yourself and the life you have, right now. Don't what for happiness to find you, because it won't. So be happy and love.
Good luck! It's been a really rocky year for a lot of people, but I can only hope it gets better from here..
When you say "I'm all style and no substance. My art has no emotion, it's stale" it seems the opposite.
Regardless, being stressed or frustated with your art happens with any artist, always. Seriously. Currently, I'm feeling rather the same as you. I'm annoyed with both my compositions, drawings AND time. It's like a comic artist, Tracy J. B., says in one of her tutorials: "this is a vital and, one might say, defining characteristic of the artistic process". She jokes about it, sure, but she isn't wrong.
Most comments here are saying what I would. I don't know if I would be able to say something else...
... So, i'll leave this here: http://fav.me/d5xrliw
After reading this text and feeling like I received many slaps on the face, I seriously CAN'T give up drawing. And neither should you. YOU HEAR?
Hahahah, anyway, I hope it helps and makes you feel better~
Keep going~
I love you Joshua and I hope you start feeling better about all this junk. I also miss you and we should chat more o3o
I love your style, btw. It's awesome. Your fursona, too.
That would be in your case, but for the others´case, those who watch and follow your work love it a lot. Which means you have good works to show up, is nature that the artist doesn´t appreciate their own work as the others do, but hey, that´s ok. Have more confidence in your work, your skills, yourself, and you´ll see the nexts improvements that you might get during the time being. So stay cool man, I hope this comment and the others´might make you see through your disappointemt and makes you feel a bit better. Do your best ^ ^