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Feb 07: Revenge of the Depression
12 years ago
General
|██████████|BODY
|██████████|MIND
|██████████|SOUL
Status: Bluruggle
|██████████|Will To Art
█ Been wrestling with a sharp increase in depression levels for the past couple of days. Not sure if it's a struggle I'm necessarily winning. It's considerably hard for me to deal with people as a general rule, and it really seems like a lot of people just go out of their way to make it even harder for me to deal with them. So many people knee-jerk the moment something doesn't go their way, and one way or another I have to deal with that knee-jerk. No one cares about the person on the receiving end of that knee-jerk (namely me) but I'm the one who has to take the deep breath, keep level-headed, and stay calm. Every. Time.
It's always me who gets to be painted as unreasonable, or out to get the other person, or whatever they want to imagine up. I'm just a person. A person who for whatever stupid reason still has feelings, still has something called empathy, and still cares. Though this person is finding it harder and harder to keep on caring, because I'm expected to be some emotionless robot, or be the person who has other people's BS bounce off his chest like some sort of psychological Superman. That or I'm supposed to cater to someone else's every whim and be able to read their mind as if I was psychic or was their very best friend who knows every little detail about their needs, wants, and dreams.
Interacting with these people has made my life pretty damn miserable the past few days, and certainly has made doing art a chore instead of something I enjoy. Though it's not like I'm allowed to express myself or anything, if I do I'm sure I'll get plenty of people who will just go that I'm just some arrogant prick disrespecting other people and don't give a damn about how anyone feels other than himself.
The sad thing about this all is that the solution to this is to actually go "screw those people" but I'm not that kind of person, but it gets more tempting every day I have to deal with people who give a damn about themselves until it has to be made painfully obvious that other people have their own needs, wants, feelings, dreams, ect. of their own.
|██████████|MIND
|██████████|SOUL
Status: Bluruggle
|██████████|Will To Art
█ Been wrestling with a sharp increase in depression levels for the past couple of days. Not sure if it's a struggle I'm necessarily winning. It's considerably hard for me to deal with people as a general rule, and it really seems like a lot of people just go out of their way to make it even harder for me to deal with them. So many people knee-jerk the moment something doesn't go their way, and one way or another I have to deal with that knee-jerk. No one cares about the person on the receiving end of that knee-jerk (namely me) but I'm the one who has to take the deep breath, keep level-headed, and stay calm. Every. Time.
It's always me who gets to be painted as unreasonable, or out to get the other person, or whatever they want to imagine up. I'm just a person. A person who for whatever stupid reason still has feelings, still has something called empathy, and still cares. Though this person is finding it harder and harder to keep on caring, because I'm expected to be some emotionless robot, or be the person who has other people's BS bounce off his chest like some sort of psychological Superman. That or I'm supposed to cater to someone else's every whim and be able to read their mind as if I was psychic or was their very best friend who knows every little detail about their needs, wants, and dreams.
Interacting with these people has made my life pretty damn miserable the past few days, and certainly has made doing art a chore instead of something I enjoy. Though it's not like I'm allowed to express myself or anything, if I do I'm sure I'll get plenty of people who will just go that I'm just some arrogant prick disrespecting other people and don't give a damn about how anyone feels other than himself.
The sad thing about this all is that the solution to this is to actually go "screw those people" but I'm not that kind of person, but it gets more tempting every day I have to deal with people who give a damn about themselves until it has to be made painfully obvious that other people have their own needs, wants, feelings, dreams, ect. of their own.
And if anyone complains about that, they're not even worth dealing with.
I honestly don't think you should put up with it any more, you are entitled to show your emotions as much as anyone in this world. Just know there are some of us who support you Endium and wish you a speedy recovery for these dark times.
Maybe you haven't found the right kind yet... I was always a little "depressed" until I made good friends. But we are social creatures and need human contact to survive, even if its the bad kind... just like junk food will keep you from starving but it's not really good for you.
also i wanted to smack someone for what was was said towards you , as what you have seen im sure, i found it just wrong in the sense of misunderstandings to have a bad reaction as it did and it only made things worse on you when you were just trying to be the better guy and justkeep calm
but yea again i agree you should have your time
hope i make sense sorry if i dont ^_^''
I don't wanna come off as saying it's all you're fault, just that maybe it's time to ask yourself that question. We can't change other people, but we can change ourselves and remember that there are a lot of people out there who are either going through the same thing or have gone through the same thing. I really hope this helps somehow and doesn't just come off as dickish or whatnot.
I've fought long and hard with it. All I can give is sympathy. Another voice in the dark saying 'hey, you can make it.'
I totally get this, Endium. As one who runs a sim, I have similar issues were I have to please many people, and I know that pleasing everyone else is just not possible, let alone pleasing many others and doing what I have and want to do. I accept that some people will not get their way and will stomp off all angry and upset. That's why I tell people that the medical department at Black Gazza Prison has stocked up on Butt Hurt Cream. (Did I tell you it comes in two varieties? One is in a tube for topical application. The other, for serious cases, comes in a half-gallon jug and has a curious nozzle that I'm not totally sure what it's for.)
It's important for us to respect our own limits, and to make sure that others can't make us transgress our limits. Let me rephrase that. It's important for you to be flat out honest: respect your own limits, and to make sure that others can't make you transgress your limits.
If someone makes you suffer or suppresses some artistic urge, you have the right to shut them down. You have the responsibility to your own health, happiness, and creativity to tell them, in whatever way they need, that what they're saying is not welcome. Don't worry about the handful of people you may have to tell off. If they go around whining about you, they will make asses of themselves. If someone came to me and said, "Endium's an asshole; he drew my character wrong and he blablabla..." I'd probably let him wind down and then say, "Chill out. I know Endium and he's not an asshole. Find another artist to draw your character if it's that important to you."
Take care of yourself first, Endium. Eat well and get good sleep. And whatever crap anyone gives you, remember that there are plenty of people who respect you and like you and want you to succeed and be well.
you, Endium and always will
That's what I do... painting, making costumes, and including other things I like to do such as: Cooking, working in my garden, going hiking and/ or fishing.
Too bad we don't live by each other, or else I would yank you from your lair and go on an adventure. !!!
Guess I have to sneak into your country to do that. After all, I still have your address .... buah hah hah!!!
I'm kidding by the way