I dunno what to do anymore. My family is falling apart around me and I'm at an absolute loss as to what I can do anymore. I can't deal with this shit anymore but I can't just turn my back either.

My mom and younger bro are spose to be moving at the end of the month and now my brother has left saying hes moving into a homeless shelter instead and my moms losing her mind cause she can't afford the place they picked out.

She's convinced my brother has the beginning of Schizophrenia which just may end being true since it sadly runs in my family. I've been living in a bit of denial with that because I don't want it to be true. I lived through that shit twice already with my aunt and then my cousin and it is a nightmare to live through. I was even begged and convinced by my mom and her sister to help commit my cousin who i grew up with to a mental institution *sniffs* so i did. I have horrible memories of him strapped to a table, missing teeth from fighting with orderlies begging for us to get him out. That was my teenage years. Watching my cousin go insane first hand. Now I prolly have to do this all again but with my younger brother. I'm not strong enough to go through this again specially so close to home *curls up* I've spent to many years trying to get over all this just to do it again. I can't do it again.

How do you tell someone you care about that their loosing their mind when they think their normal? Ive been telling myself he's just an idealist in some of his thinking but it is sadly way too familiar to a lot of stuff my cousin use to spout. I cannot do this again. My heart can't take it.

My brother is dealing with some work stuff at the moment to which have now let him know he needs to see a doctor before coming back. Not that they would take him back at this point. So he has no income at the moment and my mom has always struggled being a single parent raising two kids so she never really has money. But Now with 2 weeks before they move my brother has left saying he won't move in with her and he'll go to a homeless shelter instead and she can't really afford the place alone that they were going to move to. I'm doing what I can to hold everything together but it's to much. I'm drowning and I can't breathe. I'm not as strong as I once was but I'm the one they all come to to help fix and hold everything together. But what do I do? What can I do *sniffs*

I wish I could just leave and go hide somewhere and everything and everyone would be able to take care of themselves and fix their own problems but I'm a realist and I know that won't happen. I have my own problems though but I can never get to deal with my own because other shit is always more dire. I'm tired. I'm just tired.

If I ever just vanish, don't be surprised.


EDIT* In under an hour from typing this I found out a coworker of my brothers died last night at work. I'm very thankful he wasn't at work when it happened because i dunno how/if he would have been able to handle that. I still dunno if he can handle it but at least not being at the scene is better i guess. It's kinda funny, I'm saying how everything is just too much then wham life's like oh you thought THAT was to much...here. I hope he can handle this i really do cause if he can't i dunno if i'll be able to handle him. I'm afraid