Hey, few furs who read my journals.


I don't really even know why i'm writing this at the moment. Maybe just to vent, or maybe something else entirely, but i need to get this out. This week, i have been through so much shit it just makes me wanna scream. I got in fights with my mother and father, lost people who i thought i could trust, but in the end proved me wrong... so fucking wrong...
And on top of that, a friend of mine, her name was Kristal, died last Saturday.
Someone at my old school, that she still went to, managed to pressure her enough to do meth... and she OD'd on it.
Kristal was never one to do drugs, so i know she must have been hella pressured... I miss her so fucking much already.

Another thing that has been making me question life in its entirety is the fact that every time i think i even have the possibility of being loved and care for by someone in that way, it either. A.) blows up in my face. B). the guy isn't interested. or C.) They think i'm some sort of freakazoid. I realize love hasn't always been my forte, and i know i'm still young, but it'd be nice to not be so alone. I see all my friends in such perfect relationships, and i'm just sitting in the corner trying not to cry, because i know that even if i do find a boyfriend... there's not way in hell that i'll have such a thing. A relationship envied by all, one everyone see and points and says, "Oh my gosh! Aren't they just so adorable together?"
No, i'm not good enough to grasp such a gem.

On top of that, i've been feeling super disconnected from the furry community... People who i consider(ed) my furry family of sorts have been ignoring me left and right, or just making zero attempt to contact me. I feel like i've got no one left to turn to, and it feels like the only option left is to put all my walls back up...

...or give up all together.

I don't know what to do anymore, and i'm fairly sure a lot of people on here are gonna call me "dramatic", but at this point, that's irrelevant. This isn't me being dramatic like i sued to about every little thing, this is me losing the support system i have/had and not knowing what to do when it all falls down...

Its hard for me to say, but i'm lost... and i don't know what to do this time.