It was more difficult than I could have anticipated, changing my facebook to read "Single".

I hated being in this relationship. I hated trying to be straight. Trying to appease a norm and my family. Being submissive in company. Having hardly any control of my interactions with the rest of the world. Being constantly criticized for my choice in friends, interest, hobbies. Music I like, games I played. Anything and everything I did. I hated it.
But it was still difficult to end the relationship on facebook.

It meant that I would be alone.

I don't know why it terrifies me so much.
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So my, now ex, boyfriend is in Japan. And I have moved back to my mothers house in Connecticut. I feel like such a huge failure. 25 and moving back with my mother. I haven't lived with my family for seven years. They're not even in the same house I left them in. I'm moving into an unfamiliar house.

My brother is also here. He is 22 going on 18. We have a hostile relationship. He believes that physical force is an appropriate way to get his point across. At this point in time he is now much larger and stronger than I, and I wont be able to defend myself or my belongings any longer.
Because of this I have installed a lock on my door, to my mother and step-fathers very vocal disapproval. My brother can literally destroy all of his walls/railings/floor/ceiling to the point of needing replacement. But I put a lock on my door and everyone loses their fucking minds (.jpg).

I have my two Pomeranians here. Kona and Kuma. However, my ex wants Kuma, and only Kuma. He wants to separate them just so he can have a trendy pet and be the Hipster King not only on the East Coast but in Tokyo as well. These pups grew up together and NEED each other. This scenario alone makes me sick, and sob myself to sleep. I raised them, and trained them on my own. He did nothing to aid in their behavior and development. I'm getting upset just writing this.

I'm going to make some more tea..
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Fresh tea made.

To distract myself or I don't know, I have latched onto Disney's Frozen. I have seen the movie twelve times now. I listen to the OST almost everyday. I know all the lyrics to the movie songs and even all the deleted songs. I know all the hand movements and facial expressions to every scene.
I've been spending a huge amount of time reading fanfiction and planning a photoshoot and possible video of non-canon happenings of these characters. It brings me great joy, but also makes me kind of disgusted in myself.
I'm finding it difficult to cope because there is no one near me that is into the same ship as I(or into Frozen). Only internet people on DA.

God Kittie. WOW YOU'VE GOT IT SO BAD.
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SO. I am no longer in Boston. Meaning my Boston theatre jobs have ceased(I am a lighting tech, and theatre carpenter). I will have to make all new connections. -_-
I did have a job for a while that would benefit my being in CT until I was "put on a break". I was hoping that "break" wouldn't last long. I recently find out that I have been taken off the Staff List. I was not notified, I found out myself from the site.
Great. I was counting on that. Or at least communication.

Jesus Christ, stop having a pity party for yourself.
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With all of this on my mind I've taken to what media, movies, books, word of mouth have taught me to do in these situations. Or perhaps a lack of imagination under stress. I'm chasing my problems at the expense of my liver. I don't think I've ever drank so constantly in my life. I spent my last dollars on gas and Guinness. I still can't get enough.

Great, now people will think you have a problem.
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No one likes reading shit like this. 'Be the friend you want to make' and all that jazz. I might sound like a mess on here, but I still have class in the real world, and hold onto a pride I don't deserve.