|██████████|BODY
|██████████|MIND
|██████████|SOUL
Status: Tired
|██████████|Will To Art

█ I guess it's been a month, though in a lot of ways it still feels like yesterday that my psyche and mood came crumbling down around me. Time doesn't really move when I'm depressed, and I suppose that's how it is for a lot of people. You have an eternity to spend in emptiness, and eternity is taking it's sweet time to crawl forward. It of course only gets worse as time goes on because the rest of the world does and will move on with or without you. That when you finally peak your head out into the world you've come to the realization that weeks, months, or even years have passed and nothing has changed for you at all. Time is a very poor healer of wounds.

At any rate I've managed to cobble together what passes for 'motivation' and or 'drive' to do this journal write-up and likely post up art I've been putting off uploading due to my sorry state of mind. Maybe, maybe actually stream and draw something as well. Maybe.

█ What I mentioned in my previous journal entry still rings true: I really don't like dealing with people in general, it just takes so much out of me. Despite all the advice that exists out there that are a variation of "fuck what other people think, it doesn't matter" it still remains a bit of advice I feel is utterly useless. It's still as useful as the whole "sticks and stones" line of thought. In theory how I was doing commissions via a single journal that I could update and just have people post into it was a good idea, but frankly I extremely and severely under estimated how badly people would screw the whole thing up. As the person doing all the work, I had the stupid assumption that people could at least take a tiny bit of effort and follow instructions correctly. Course instead of something that was supposed to be easy I just get people whining and complaining. Yes it's still something that bugs me even now, because it just means I have to change how I do things... again, so I can avoid dealing with people taking a dump over what I do.

It's been hard for me to figure out how I can have fun with what I do; because other people make it damn near impossible with their constant indignation, bitching, and complaining. I'm not perfect, I'm so damn far from it that I want to strangle people on a constant basis; yet in other people's heads I'm supposed to make everything perfect for them. I know full well that even when I'm face down on the ground, that people just go "Oh sorry that you're down there, but when you get up can you do this for me? You can take your time getting up though." Cause yeah that's the extent of consideration I get from other people: They're willing to wait.

█ I probably should end my journal here at this point, as I'm breaking out in rashes and hives from the stress of thinking on about how my interactions with people have gone this year so far. Though I do want to thank those of you who are concerned about me, it does help a little; but it's just an unfortunate part of nature that the mind ends up dwelling on unpleasant experiences. It's just that my mind probably gets stuck on it far worse than other people who do the whole 'let it roll of you' thing.