I have sai paint tool though I hardly know how to use it, i need some hints or helpful tips! PLEASE PLEASE!!!

I am freaking shit, i think i need to stop the art forever. The real reason is because i, and i quote, "I honestly find my art pitiful, i try so hard and hurt my body just to get someone to notice me... I am just a pitiful sap." You all just want free things from me and you all take advantage of me when i offer my hospitality. I hate drawing, even if i am in the mood to draw and really want to. I just start and find that im no better than a two year old. I try and no matter what i get no better.