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San Deigo sucks...off to Milwaukee
17 years ago
Okay, so the sand dog doesn't really suck. I love being down here until the squids grab me with their tentacles and pull me in for some stuff.
I want to go into details so this is going to be a long one, ladies and gentlemen. If you don't want to read past this part you can just skip to the bottom for my thoughts.
So, mid 2005 I am on my first deployment with the US Navy. Near the end of the deployment, I start to get depreesed, but I thought that was just because I was going home to nothing but my video games and alcohol. We get a manditory meeting on suicide prevention and my dark side takes over.
Before I knew it, I was violent, angry, and witdrawn from everyone. The only thing that felt good to me was sleep, that would never come easy, and smoking, which killed my bank account.
I seek help though, instead of just living with it. I get it to, within months I find out that, not only do I have suicidal tendecies, but I am Manic Depressive. I get put on meds and life went on.
Fast forward 3 years, I am now out of the military, trying to make a living in southern cali while attending school. I run into this great group of people and, more accretly, I meet her.
Things went okay for awhile but then I started to get worried and depressive. I tried to push her away so I wouldn't end up hurting her but she wouldn't take that. She pushed me to tell her what was going on and so I told her. As luck would have it, I call my psychologist and she tells me that my MD was never fully corrected, nor would it ever be, and I should come down over my winter break so I can get fully diagnosed and get the help I need.
I arrived last week.
So, after a week of testing, studies and appointments...I am screwed. I not only have Manic Depressive and Suicidal thoughts and tendecies, but I now am diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety, mild ADHD and alcohol dependency. So, I now am being told that I HAVE to take medication for my MD, ADHD and GA and must limit my alcohol from now on to avoid full alcoholism. I talked her down today for just the anti-depressives and my anxiety meds.
The really bad news, my psychologist told me something troubleing. It seems that I have a link in my head that brings out the worst in my manic. If I am overstressed about multiple things in my life, in this instance my work, school and relationship, it is unhealthy for me since I loose sleep and I go really deep into my darker half. Problem is, I can only get rid of one of those factors...and you can guess which one.
So, I am now off to my hometown, Milwaukee WI, to visit freinds and family for the holidays, I have one last night here at the hospital and then I leave tomarrow morning.
Thanks for listening, children.
I want to go into details so this is going to be a long one, ladies and gentlemen. If you don't want to read past this part you can just skip to the bottom for my thoughts.
So, mid 2005 I am on my first deployment with the US Navy. Near the end of the deployment, I start to get depreesed, but I thought that was just because I was going home to nothing but my video games and alcohol. We get a manditory meeting on suicide prevention and my dark side takes over.
Before I knew it, I was violent, angry, and witdrawn from everyone. The only thing that felt good to me was sleep, that would never come easy, and smoking, which killed my bank account.
I seek help though, instead of just living with it. I get it to, within months I find out that, not only do I have suicidal tendecies, but I am Manic Depressive. I get put on meds and life went on.
Fast forward 3 years, I am now out of the military, trying to make a living in southern cali while attending school. I run into this great group of people and, more accretly, I meet her.
Things went okay for awhile but then I started to get worried and depressive. I tried to push her away so I wouldn't end up hurting her but she wouldn't take that. She pushed me to tell her what was going on and so I told her. As luck would have it, I call my psychologist and she tells me that my MD was never fully corrected, nor would it ever be, and I should come down over my winter break so I can get fully diagnosed and get the help I need.
I arrived last week.
So, after a week of testing, studies and appointments...I am screwed. I not only have Manic Depressive and Suicidal thoughts and tendecies, but I now am diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety, mild ADHD and alcohol dependency. So, I now am being told that I HAVE to take medication for my MD, ADHD and GA and must limit my alcohol from now on to avoid full alcoholism. I talked her down today for just the anti-depressives and my anxiety meds.
The really bad news, my psychologist told me something troubleing. It seems that I have a link in my head that brings out the worst in my manic. If I am overstressed about multiple things in my life, in this instance my work, school and relationship, it is unhealthy for me since I loose sleep and I go really deep into my darker half. Problem is, I can only get rid of one of those factors...and you can guess which one.
So, I am now off to my hometown, Milwaukee WI, to visit freinds and family for the holidays, I have one last night here at the hospital and then I leave tomarrow morning.
Thanks for listening, children.
Seriously though, just have fun, yeah?