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Close call
11 years ago
I just got back from my week long vacation in Gulf Shores, AL yesterday. It was fun and all until my 5th day there. I was listening to my music on the way back to the condo when my sister complained that she could hear my music. The headphones I use have been notorious for letting a large amount of the sound outside of my ears, so I just decided to turn it down. At the time I was listening to some music by Fox amoore. My dad wanted to hear what I was listening to, so he made me give him my headphones and let him listen. As I have said previously, my dad hates furries and wants me to leave the fandom for good. I didn't want to give him any ideas, so I quickly changed songs while he was putting them on. After we got home, he asked for my phone so he could see what I listened to. As he was going through my music, he came across the folder that I keep my "furry music" in. The worst part to me was the death stares he was giving me while going through it. The worst one was when he came across one that had an album cover to it showing a furry character watching the sunrise. He forced the phone towards me while it was playing and gave me another death stare. After that he walked out of the condo and stood at the railing, still going through my songs. I decided I should try to talk to him about it. He kept saying that if I was no longer part of the fandom I should delete the music. I countered by saying many of his favorite artists were into much worse habits and activities. This only made him even more angry. Later that day my parents asked my sister to leave the room and go play on the beach. At that moment, I knew I was in for something less than pleasant. They both started getting worked up over it and I kept trying to tell them that it was music I downloaded before I left the fandom and that they can't control what I like and dislike. About a half hour later my dad had to walk out of the room again to keep his temper. The outcome of this battle is that I get to keep my music but I have to start looking for more non-furry music to replace it. My dad also apparently was on the verge of tears that night because he thought he somehow failed me as a father.
I wish I knew another fur IRL who could help explain the fandom to them. I feel like if I did, I wouldn't be posting this journal or have any issues with my parents right now.
I wish I knew another fur IRL who could help explain the fandom to them. I feel like if I did, I wouldn't be posting this journal or have any issues with my parents right now.
1) your parents love you, you understand this...this is good but it does tend to complicate things from time to time. they care about you and want whats best for you.
2) if you have found home in the fandom, you never really truly leave. its always there whether they want it or not. that said we all decide who we become by the choices we make. the fandom will generally be here whenever you get around to getting back or whatever.
3) the fandom is....complicated, at best to explain to those who arent in it. my go to for this is to give as little information as possible and distance my actions from anything that could be grouped with "that side" of the fandom...that rule 34 side...the side most mainstream media encounters will try to "expose"
so in short, sometimes its best to just not go there.
For example, my co-workers dont know a damn thing about this furry stuff. i would NEVER hear the end of it. So I preempt that conversation by avoiding it. I take a few weekends a year to go on "trips" for my wife's "business" which is, in essence, true.
i say she makes costumes for a business, she mentions mascots i dont, she sells them online, we go to conventions to show them off and meet potential customers.
i really dont go into...oh we get all up in furry garb and wear a collar and a tail and this wolf head and do all sorts of anonymous stupid cute stuff that may end up on youtube. and oh yeah, we have matching dog bowls from a restaurant at anthrocon from which we usually eat our stir fry.
there are just some things that people dont need to know. some things are private. this is difficult when parents and minors are involved though.
I DONT want to tell you not to be honest with your parents, or to not foster a loving relationship with them if possible. because those are wonderful things to have. and honestly something i wish i had with my parents and hope to foster in my children (when i have them).
I had alot of trouble with my mom when i was in high school...personal stuff...umm...if you really want that story, note me...
i guess i would say it would've been best if they were only exposed to what you ARE into, instead of all the things you are NOT into. I can also tell you that confronting them with a "this is who i am." will come across as very angsty and moody and all the things parents get temper tested with in the teenage years. the "I AM THIS WAY WHY CANT YOU JUST ACCEPT ME." in my angsty teenage experience has really only been like pouring gas on a fire...and then throwing in a stick of TNT...with a bottle of nitroglycerine...
basically it cements in their minds that you have a problem and they need to work extra hard to bring back the child they knew. aka browbeating you into submission...its painful...you already know.
for the time being...just do what you can to keep things smooth with your parents. they sound like very caring people who worry about you a lot.
distance can help in these situations.
as for college roomates...i recommend keeping things on a "need to know" basis...and usually, they dont need to know.
TL;DR
keep your chin up, dont get too into it and have it getting in the way of real life stuff (not getting a job because you have to wear a tail)
and it does get better. eventually parents are faced with the fact that their kid grows up. sometimes its a smooth transition, sometimes its a fight.
I've been there, stick through it...they do love you.
anyways. i've far exceeded my $0.02