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I feel guilty too easy
11 years ago
Just another vent thingy, so no need to read really. I really hate this part of myself, the part of me that actually feels guilty the minute I want to do something for myself if it will stop someone else doing something. Like right now, I'm downloading an album that I payed for on my slow internet, as my dad decided to switch our provider without telling me, considering I'm the bill payer for that, that really annoyed me.
Yet when I voiced that I was, I was made to feel bad about my opinion on the matter. Like always it feels.
Just now, I asked my sister to switch off her phones wifi, on the hope that it would speed it up, she hasnt, as she is happily snuggled up to her boyfriend (they are 15 and 14 btw), and i always feel uncomfortable around them when they do that, yet my dad lets them do that. I actually feel bad for asking her to do that.
It's the same with a lot of thing for some reason with me, even little things like asking for something if someone is going shopping, or asking for a lift somewhere, I feel bad about it.
It sometimes feels like I'm not allowed to be in a bad or annoyed mood, if I am, most everyone just makes jokes about it, which makes me feel worse, which is why I tend to hold back a lot if I feel like that.
Thing is, I'm generally cheerful and optimistic, yet I'm human at the end of it, and I have my bad days, but unlike most, I have no one really who will ask if I'm ok, or try and make me feel better by doing something with me to cheer me up.
And as much as I love my online friends who sometimes try to help, it doesn't compare to someone helping in person. I'm the eldest out of my siblings, so I have no one older to look up to or ask for advice, my parents certainly can't help there. My friends are mostly busy with work etc, so I can't count on them as much as I'd like as I honestly fear that I'm bothering them with things.
Anyways, i'm not really looking for sympathy or anything, mostly cause I know this is a stupid little problem of mine, this is just a good place for me to get my thoughts out of my head and look at them in writing, as that sometimes seems to help.
Yet when I voiced that I was, I was made to feel bad about my opinion on the matter. Like always it feels.
Just now, I asked my sister to switch off her phones wifi, on the hope that it would speed it up, she hasnt, as she is happily snuggled up to her boyfriend (they are 15 and 14 btw), and i always feel uncomfortable around them when they do that, yet my dad lets them do that. I actually feel bad for asking her to do that.
It's the same with a lot of thing for some reason with me, even little things like asking for something if someone is going shopping, or asking for a lift somewhere, I feel bad about it.
It sometimes feels like I'm not allowed to be in a bad or annoyed mood, if I am, most everyone just makes jokes about it, which makes me feel worse, which is why I tend to hold back a lot if I feel like that.
Thing is, I'm generally cheerful and optimistic, yet I'm human at the end of it, and I have my bad days, but unlike most, I have no one really who will ask if I'm ok, or try and make me feel better by doing something with me to cheer me up.
And as much as I love my online friends who sometimes try to help, it doesn't compare to someone helping in person. I'm the eldest out of my siblings, so I have no one older to look up to or ask for advice, my parents certainly can't help there. My friends are mostly busy with work etc, so I can't count on them as much as I'd like as I honestly fear that I'm bothering them with things.
Anyways, i'm not really looking for sympathy or anything, mostly cause I know this is a stupid little problem of mine, this is just a good place for me to get my thoughts out of my head and look at them in writing, as that sometimes seems to help.
