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Personal Ramble: Self Improvement
11 years ago
General
Please disregard if you do not feel like reading a meandering journal on my :personal improvements
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First let me say that this is not a journal fishing for compliments. I DO NOT WANT, NOR KNOW HOW TO HANDLE GETTING THEM. I will be posting pictures that make me uncomfortable, but they serve a purpose in framing my thoughts and questions.
Over 2 and a half years ago..closer to three by now, I had gotten out of a bad relationship, I had stopped caring for myself and frankly not realized how unhappy I had been. I had stopped caring for or taking myself. When I snapped out of the funk I did not like who I had become and took steps to make me feel better about myself and for my own health. Both my emotional and physical health. I got on an eating plan, improved not only what I ate, how much but when. I am still guilty of skipping breakfast from time to time, but I try to at least drink a protein shake when I get up. I lost some weight there and from working refinery turn around jobs. The total from those two factors being around 40 to 50 lbs of the weight I have lost. I signed up for a gym membership and a trainer so I felt accountable for working out. I go to the gym when back home at least twice a week, but average three times. I lost another 40 to 50 there. I have lost weight here as well on this turn around, and my eating has been really off the wagon as I lack a kitchen where I am staying. I feel really greasy and disgusting from the amount of fast food I have had. *coughs* back on track. I have lost 95 lbs at the very least in the span of 2 years, most of which was this last year. I don't see it, people compliment me who have been there the whole process..and I get shy and self conscious when they do. They tell me I look great and have blossomed. I do feel better, healthier and stronger..but I just don't see it when I look in the mirror. I hardly ever do, I have never liked looking at myself in mirrors or pictures heh..but when I look at myself in a full length mirror..I just see the parts of me I don't like still. My flabby parts, my lose skin from weight loss etc. When will I see the girl everyone else does? Will I ever?
Now for the pictures I don't like, but I feel I should share
https://www.dropbox.com/s/vw2d5q1ue.....1980100631.jpg
this is the same shirt
https://www.dropbox.com/s/60hcg7g42.....409_182734.jpg
I may not be able to see what has people complimenting me, but I do know I am never going back to being the girl in the first picture. I refuse to, it is not an option for me..and I am a hard headed individual.
From an emotional stand point it is night and day for me. I am so much happier, calm, less stressed and sooo many fewer bad days. For those of you who have seen me go off on others..that is how I go off on myself. I won't go into detail about the particulars, but we will go with I have some major self worth issues and my negative internal monologue aims for that. My baggage is smaller, but I still have it.
*Ozzy does not care if I am bigger than I am or smaller, he just wants me to be happy, and the feeling is mutual, just in case anyone thinks he or I am on my diet/working out for his benefit*
ramble done
Sorry for the crazy formatting, kinda stuck on a phone for a month or so.
***************************
First let me say that this is not a journal fishing for compliments. I DO NOT WANT, NOR KNOW HOW TO HANDLE GETTING THEM. I will be posting pictures that make me uncomfortable, but they serve a purpose in framing my thoughts and questions.
Over 2 and a half years ago..closer to three by now, I had gotten out of a bad relationship, I had stopped caring for myself and frankly not realized how unhappy I had been. I had stopped caring for or taking myself. When I snapped out of the funk I did not like who I had become and took steps to make me feel better about myself and for my own health. Both my emotional and physical health. I got on an eating plan, improved not only what I ate, how much but when. I am still guilty of skipping breakfast from time to time, but I try to at least drink a protein shake when I get up. I lost some weight there and from working refinery turn around jobs. The total from those two factors being around 40 to 50 lbs of the weight I have lost. I signed up for a gym membership and a trainer so I felt accountable for working out. I go to the gym when back home at least twice a week, but average three times. I lost another 40 to 50 there. I have lost weight here as well on this turn around, and my eating has been really off the wagon as I lack a kitchen where I am staying. I feel really greasy and disgusting from the amount of fast food I have had. *coughs* back on track. I have lost 95 lbs at the very least in the span of 2 years, most of which was this last year. I don't see it, people compliment me who have been there the whole process..and I get shy and self conscious when they do. They tell me I look great and have blossomed. I do feel better, healthier and stronger..but I just don't see it when I look in the mirror. I hardly ever do, I have never liked looking at myself in mirrors or pictures heh..but when I look at myself in a full length mirror..I just see the parts of me I don't like still. My flabby parts, my lose skin from weight loss etc. When will I see the girl everyone else does? Will I ever?
Now for the pictures I don't like, but I feel I should share
https://www.dropbox.com/s/vw2d5q1ue.....1980100631.jpg
this is the same shirt
https://www.dropbox.com/s/60hcg7g42.....409_182734.jpg
I may not be able to see what has people complimenting me, but I do know I am never going back to being the girl in the first picture. I refuse to, it is not an option for me..and I am a hard headed individual.
From an emotional stand point it is night and day for me. I am so much happier, calm, less stressed and sooo many fewer bad days. For those of you who have seen me go off on others..that is how I go off on myself. I won't go into detail about the particulars, but we will go with I have some major self worth issues and my negative internal monologue aims for that. My baggage is smaller, but I still have it.
*Ozzy does not care if I am bigger than I am or smaller, he just wants me to be happy, and the feeling is mutual, just in case anyone thinks he or I am on my diet/working out for his benefit*
ramble done
Sorry for the crazy formatting, kinda stuck on a phone for a month or so.
*hugs back* Miss you bunches~
Like me I know you don't see it either, and also like me...you tend to avoid mirrors whenever you can hehe. Only seeing the worst bits every time.so it's strange when people start noticing the best bits of you.
We're all our own worst critics, especially people like you and me who have always had versions of self consciousness about ourselves. It kinda gets hardwired into your mind. I (and I'm sure many others in this fandom) are with you on that missy. Fact is you look great whether you think so or not. You feel great, which is the main thing. And you Havnt changed the person you are on the inside while making those last two changes. (Some people turn nasty when they discover they are hotter than they thought they were). I'd still like you even if you hadn't made the physical changes kitten. But I am glad that it's made you happy with yourself. Because you should be happy and proud of yourself. <3
Also you can't say later that this is all biassed-mate opinion because I'm not the only one who's said it!!! So hah!
PS: Take it off!!! Mrowr!
And all I got to say is wow. You are so strong and beautiful and you inspire me as well <3 To be honest you look beautiful in both photos <3