Why do I deserve this.

4 years I holded my broken heart up with hopes and dream.

We once loved eachother so much.

Why do I deserve this

I kept ask myself in the shower

Even with the hot water showering on my body and mixed with my tears, my body felt ice cold. My body does not lie. I felt dizzy and collaped in the shower.

My heart hurts. I hope he joked to me this time, but I know him too much.

He isn't the kind of guy will use this to play with my heart.

I made mistake, but he didn't gave me a chance to explain.

He just gone, get up and left.

4 years, Emails black listed, 4 page long hand wrote letter with no respond.

I tried, to make up the damage I had done.

New year, Valentime, his birthday, Christmas, gifts with letter sent but no reply.

All those years, each time he rely me is like the best time I had.

But yesterday he told me he have a new BF, and he want to pay back the money I spent on gifts.

Today, I had the thought of jump off the 7 floor building in the university, today I had the thought killing the guy used my stupility and lust lead me on the wrong way and lost him.

The moral side me try to kept the beast within me, but he have no idea what else can I do.

And how can I save myself...