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Motherless
11 years ago
Things went really bad between me and her. it got to a point where she called the cops on me for "trespassing her home" and "disturbing her kids"....notice that she did not include me as her kid...
she even told me....i am disowning you...
i'm not sure where to begin....
mom wnet cray all because of so many things...mainly (1) forcing a man into our life (her bf)
(2) her self-centeredness (3) she over-excercises her Correctional Officer authority at home...bringing work home...she treats the house as if she were the warden and tht me and my bros are the "inmates" she yells at us alot (4) she is very controlling...anyways
our argument it....got to a point where she called the cops on me....trying to make me look like the bad one...
since she is a C.O. and she is very convincing (even though she is wrong) ...the cops would have had better chances at believing her anyways since she labeled me "mental" v.v
i did record ther though (audio) of the fight....the conversation....i tried to reason with her but she....shut me out...got her hand in my face and she....bared her teeth...she...got in my face....she pushed me down when she realized she was being recorded...she tried to confiscate my phone but i snatched it back...i still have the evidence....
the argument got so badly that her bf (he was gonna spend the night) left the house...
(backstory: he took us out to dinner)...mom then grabbed his hand and tried to beg him to stay (she is like 40 something and has this big fear of being an old maid...she is desperate like that)
i didnt hear what else they said, but when he walked out the door, she looked at me in the most....coldest way anyone could never imagine...
next thing i knew...i lost it emotionally and all my self-esteem was butchered before me....she
she told me "look what you did" and said other things along the line of "ruining her life" ...she also told me..she..tried to convince me that i'm "a bad influence on my younger brothers", she thinks i am "teaching them to be disrespectful to her", she also told me that if i reported her for domestic abuse...there goes her job and she made me feel like a walking aborted baby...like if i was gonna ruin everyone's life all because i spoke out against her and stood up to her....i know my youner brothers cant defend themselves but i did it for them...and me....
what also made her snap was i told her..."just because you are a correctional officer, does not mean you have that much and that kind of authority outside of prison" (i felt that the C.O. power may have corrupted her). i also told her that "she cannot bring work home with her" that she "cannot exercise that kind of authority at home. this house is not a prison, that me and my brothers are not inmates, that she cannot be that overly controlling"
next thing i knew...she was in my face...making....that evil face...that violent psycho face with her bared teeth....then she got closer and louder.....then i found myself pushed on the ground...she then tried to convince me that its all my fault like im the one causing all of this...then she tried to convince me that i was the one who was screaming but she was the one who did....even dad knows how wrong and evil she is...my bros know that too....and finally her boyfriend knows. she even told me that im supposed to be happy just liek that (grr that selfish insensitive bitch!) dhe even told me that i needed more pills, she wants more pills put into my system...she basically is saying that pills are the answer to everything, she refuses to have a civil talk, so i wouldnt have to have that talk to talk kind of thing....
well i refuse the pills, because i am feeling much better without them.... 10 years of being on those pills thinking that im the bad person a bad burden and i finally realize that she was the main source of my depression, low self-esteem, anxiety.....(she has has made crazy unnecessary threats before, lots of irrelevant ones, most of them were too far). she knew my potential of speaking up and defending myself...and she was afraid of me exposing her..
i feel like shit just because i spoke up and stood up against her.....
i think i finally exposed her to her boyfriend....it's not that i hate him....he is a very good, calm, patient guy....but he is too good for mom...i was afraid that he will suffer the same, i know how manipulating she is. she is the kind of woman who thinks everything goes her way or down to hell, she does not talk things out civilly she screams and beats her way up, after how her boyfriend saw how stubborn and incompatible she is....i think that is what made him walk out (i dunno if he broke up with her). i warned him of how two face she gets when he is around and when he isnt there....
I am very scared and I don't know what is going to happen or what is going to happen to me....
either way, thankfully mom cancelled the call, i'm at dad's house, and here i am feeling defeated and broken...and feeling guilty for speaking up...
So here I am, Motherless...
she even told me....i am disowning you...
i'm not sure where to begin....
mom wnet cray all because of so many things...mainly (1) forcing a man into our life (her bf)
(2) her self-centeredness (3) she over-excercises her Correctional Officer authority at home...bringing work home...she treats the house as if she were the warden and tht me and my bros are the "inmates" she yells at us alot (4) she is very controlling...anyways
our argument it....got to a point where she called the cops on me....trying to make me look like the bad one...
since she is a C.O. and she is very convincing (even though she is wrong) ...the cops would have had better chances at believing her anyways since she labeled me "mental" v.v
i did record ther though (audio) of the fight....the conversation....i tried to reason with her but she....shut me out...got her hand in my face and she....bared her teeth...she...got in my face....she pushed me down when she realized she was being recorded...she tried to confiscate my phone but i snatched it back...i still have the evidence....
the argument got so badly that her bf (he was gonna spend the night) left the house...
(backstory: he took us out to dinner)...mom then grabbed his hand and tried to beg him to stay (she is like 40 something and has this big fear of being an old maid...she is desperate like that)
i didnt hear what else they said, but when he walked out the door, she looked at me in the most....coldest way anyone could never imagine...
next thing i knew...i lost it emotionally and all my self-esteem was butchered before me....she
she told me "look what you did" and said other things along the line of "ruining her life" ...she also told me..she..tried to convince me that i'm "a bad influence on my younger brothers", she thinks i am "teaching them to be disrespectful to her", she also told me that if i reported her for domestic abuse...there goes her job and she made me feel like a walking aborted baby...like if i was gonna ruin everyone's life all because i spoke out against her and stood up to her....i know my youner brothers cant defend themselves but i did it for them...and me....
what also made her snap was i told her..."just because you are a correctional officer, does not mean you have that much and that kind of authority outside of prison" (i felt that the C.O. power may have corrupted her). i also told her that "she cannot bring work home with her" that she "cannot exercise that kind of authority at home. this house is not a prison, that me and my brothers are not inmates, that she cannot be that overly controlling"
next thing i knew...she was in my face...making....that evil face...that violent psycho face with her bared teeth....then she got closer and louder.....then i found myself pushed on the ground...she then tried to convince me that its all my fault like im the one causing all of this...then she tried to convince me that i was the one who was screaming but she was the one who did....even dad knows how wrong and evil she is...my bros know that too....and finally her boyfriend knows. she even told me that im supposed to be happy just liek that (grr that selfish insensitive bitch!) dhe even told me that i needed more pills, she wants more pills put into my system...she basically is saying that pills are the answer to everything, she refuses to have a civil talk, so i wouldnt have to have that talk to talk kind of thing....
well i refuse the pills, because i am feeling much better without them.... 10 years of being on those pills thinking that im the bad person a bad burden and i finally realize that she was the main source of my depression, low self-esteem, anxiety.....(she has has made crazy unnecessary threats before, lots of irrelevant ones, most of them were too far). she knew my potential of speaking up and defending myself...and she was afraid of me exposing her..
i feel like shit just because i spoke up and stood up against her.....
i think i finally exposed her to her boyfriend....it's not that i hate him....he is a very good, calm, patient guy....but he is too good for mom...i was afraid that he will suffer the same, i know how manipulating she is. she is the kind of woman who thinks everything goes her way or down to hell, she does not talk things out civilly she screams and beats her way up, after how her boyfriend saw how stubborn and incompatible she is....i think that is what made him walk out (i dunno if he broke up with her). i warned him of how two face she gets when he is around and when he isnt there....
I am very scared and I don't know what is going to happen or what is going to happen to me....
either way, thankfully mom cancelled the call, i'm at dad's house, and here i am feeling defeated and broken...and feeling guilty for speaking up...
So here I am, Motherless...
she refuses to have a civil closure talk....she will only shut me out as i'm only a sad sob to her..... v.v
pills pills pills pills...im so tired of her stupid "pills are the answer to everything" logic....
and i agree that not everyone wants to deal with the issues and talk them out, instead, they "drug out" the problems and burying them while the problems build up inside.
I cannot express how happy I am feeling as you gave me those positive and encouraging words. I nearly choked up in happy tears. I'm feeling so relieved from some of the emotional burden that she inflicted me with. Thank you so much <3
*hugs tightly* i cant even describe how shattered i feel...
It still hurts of the mean things she said to me...but hopefully time heals....
Thank you so much for the emotional support, it's a big relief that I am not alone.
You don't deserve to be treated like crap, either... if your mother is going to be that way, then you need to move yourself to a better situation.
On the bright side, i assume that you no longer hafta rely on your mom as the provider anymore. You sound so much tougher and alot more independent than I am. It's hard being a full-time student and living in the same household as the same control-freak birth-giver! She did say that I can stay there as long as I stay in school and keep doing chores, cooking, watching younger bros, etc.
I am feeling alot more relieved (dammit I need more tissues! Q.Q) from your emotional support as well! I had been thinking of moving out since i was 18 (that was when the fights started anyway). It's tough to apply for a full-time job while being a full-time student. I'll be doing the best I can. <3
Well, I am almost 30... will be, next month. My mother kicked me out of the house when I was 21... she was in a drunken rage and finally decided I wasn't wanted in the house anymore. I never did anything to deserve what she did to me. I am grateful for her kicking me out, though, because then I got the idea to move from Florida (where she lives), all the way to Maine! Can't get any further away, unless I move out west or out of the country completely!!! I finally have the happy, drama-free life I've wanted. I've even finally found my soul mate... I'll be a married woman in four months (Sept 27 is the big day!)! ^_^
I'll be keeping you in my thoughts and sending positive vibes your way. It can be difficult to escape an abusive person, especially if it's a parent.