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Would All The People Who Support Me
11 years ago
📼 𝐇𝐄𝐌𝐌𝐒𝐅𝐎𝐗 𝐒𝐓𝐔𝐃𝐈𝐎𝐒 📼
📼 𝐇𝐄𝐌𝐌𝐒𝐅𝐎𝐗 𝐒𝐓𝐔𝐃𝐈𝐎𝐒 📼
𝐒𝐓𝐔𝐃𝐈𝐎 𝐔𝐏𝐃𝐀𝐓𝐄
...And I mean TRUELY support me, not just watch to see what I do, kindly comment on this journal.
I could use some positivity right now. Most of you guys know where I have been the past 8 months, and how I have been living for the past two years. I've seen friends surpass me and succeed in their endeavors while I struggle to build a life before I should have to. Its hard to keep going and some mornings when I wake up I wonder why I should even bother getting out of bed. But I need this Fandom when I wake up. I wouldn't be able to keep going if it wasn't for watching the amazing things this Fandom has been able to accomplish in its short time. I'm struggling to live a life that most people will never have to lead, and no one should ever have to leave, and as I slowly remove my real family from my existence I hope it can be replaced with a Furrier one. But sometimes I need some encouragement. Someone to signal that I do have a reason to get up. Strangely I still feel like an outcast in this Fandom. I still feel very peripheral, like I'm talked to when its convenient. I've tried asking people to hang out, I've invited people to just show up at my door but it never happens. I don't listen to the music people listen too, I don't watch the movies, I don't have an encyclopedia of artists in my head... My Fursona still isn't set in stone after 7 years in this Fandom, and even living in OC its still hard to find someone who wants to just go do random stuff with.
My life over the past two years has not left much opportunity to do much else but survive. Most of the time was spent trying to desperately put out the fires that comes with poverty, and thank god the worst I ever encountered was some drug addict room mates and some lazy ones. I had to throw a lot of friendship opportunities away because of this poverty, and while all of my friends still live at home, have the car their parents gave them, and get to work a part time job and be happy I am out here moving every three months, living with drug addicts because I have no other place to go, the inability to make money because of the lack of permanence, until recently no motorized transportation, and no family that could or cared to do anything about it except for my wonderful aunt who is sacrificing her happiness and comfort for me. While friends of mine get to go out and have fun every night, and come home and play video games I get to spend my day figuring out how to get from point A to point B to some some crisis, while juggling 5 others, with no insurance, no income but my aunt, no work, no stability, and no time. I don't blame anyone for not having my problems...but it makes me easily passed by because I can not keep up.
So please, it's getting really hard to keep on going without someone to throw some support my way, even if that is just a phone call. I try and try and try to put myself out there, to keep up, to stay afloat with the dream that some day I will be satisfied and CAN just go out every night and have the life that all the rest of the 21 year olds I know have, instead of trying to figure out how to live off 20 bucks a week and live in terror of the knowledge that I could wake up tomorrow and the floor could crumble out from under me and I would be back to square one. My father doesn't care, my mom doesn't grasp the situation and is too busy enjoying life being liberated from my father, my grandparents are aged an just think I made the wrong choices, my other grandparents are dead, my aunt cares and helps all she can but she has her own life and her own fires to put out....so all I have is you guys. This is my final call for help. I'm not really sure that I mean all that much, or that me trying to climb into some kind of normal life really has much of a point anymore if Furries aren't in it.
I could use some positivity right now. Most of you guys know where I have been the past 8 months, and how I have been living for the past two years. I've seen friends surpass me and succeed in their endeavors while I struggle to build a life before I should have to. Its hard to keep going and some mornings when I wake up I wonder why I should even bother getting out of bed. But I need this Fandom when I wake up. I wouldn't be able to keep going if it wasn't for watching the amazing things this Fandom has been able to accomplish in its short time. I'm struggling to live a life that most people will never have to lead, and no one should ever have to leave, and as I slowly remove my real family from my existence I hope it can be replaced with a Furrier one. But sometimes I need some encouragement. Someone to signal that I do have a reason to get up. Strangely I still feel like an outcast in this Fandom. I still feel very peripheral, like I'm talked to when its convenient. I've tried asking people to hang out, I've invited people to just show up at my door but it never happens. I don't listen to the music people listen too, I don't watch the movies, I don't have an encyclopedia of artists in my head... My Fursona still isn't set in stone after 7 years in this Fandom, and even living in OC its still hard to find someone who wants to just go do random stuff with.
My life over the past two years has not left much opportunity to do much else but survive. Most of the time was spent trying to desperately put out the fires that comes with poverty, and thank god the worst I ever encountered was some drug addict room mates and some lazy ones. I had to throw a lot of friendship opportunities away because of this poverty, and while all of my friends still live at home, have the car their parents gave them, and get to work a part time job and be happy I am out here moving every three months, living with drug addicts because I have no other place to go, the inability to make money because of the lack of permanence, until recently no motorized transportation, and no family that could or cared to do anything about it except for my wonderful aunt who is sacrificing her happiness and comfort for me. While friends of mine get to go out and have fun every night, and come home and play video games I get to spend my day figuring out how to get from point A to point B to some some crisis, while juggling 5 others, with no insurance, no income but my aunt, no work, no stability, and no time. I don't blame anyone for not having my problems...but it makes me easily passed by because I can not keep up.
So please, it's getting really hard to keep on going without someone to throw some support my way, even if that is just a phone call. I try and try and try to put myself out there, to keep up, to stay afloat with the dream that some day I will be satisfied and CAN just go out every night and have the life that all the rest of the 21 year olds I know have, instead of trying to figure out how to live off 20 bucks a week and live in terror of the knowledge that I could wake up tomorrow and the floor could crumble out from under me and I would be back to square one. My father doesn't care, my mom doesn't grasp the situation and is too busy enjoying life being liberated from my father, my grandparents are aged an just think I made the wrong choices, my other grandparents are dead, my aunt cares and helps all she can but she has her own life and her own fires to put out....so all I have is you guys. This is my final call for help. I'm not really sure that I mean all that much, or that me trying to climb into some kind of normal life really has much of a point anymore if Furries aren't in it.
I hope things get better for you.
As for the financial thing, the only advise I can offer is to try to get some income actually coming in, no matter where the job comes from. McDonalds, waiting tables, WalMart, etc. I know those aren't necessarily dream jobs, but it's income and it's income while you look for better opportunities if that job isn't something you want to continue to do.
You just need to keep your head up, and come up with a plan with some goals. Even small goals. Save up $250 this month and then build upon that. Set small goals, and when you start meeting them more and more, challenge yourself more and more. When you reach a goal you set, it feels great, but the worst thing is to set a goal so far out there that you get discouraged when you don't meet it. (I've done this to myself so many times, and still do to a degree). Kind of made me my own enemy for a while.
But, just want to say that I've met you in person, chatted with you at a couple cons now, and you have charisma and a personality. You are friendly and care about others' well being. Keep your head up, and just be yourself. Things will turn around, but sometimes things get worse before they get better (and you may be just now getting through the worst of it). Note me if you would like to talk man. I would have commented earlier, but I wanted to put some thought into this instead of trying to type it out on my phone at work.
Cheers man, hope this helps.