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I should just sleep tho... (just skip this one plz)
11 years ago
Everything revolves in its own time, regardless of your own desires.
Don't pay much attention to this nor take it too seriously, this is just me blabbering stuff after minutes of remembering awkward shit. One of those "Dear Journal" type thingies I guess...
With that said, bleh. I've gotten to reflect of the days were obvious regretful shit was obvious. It also got me thinking again... about a few things. During my reminisces, I stopped to think how much I've changed and it was.... scary. I dove deeper with each month passing and kept on remembering some awkward stuff.
From everything I've learned and done, it gets harder and harder to guess if I've gotten more cynical or more enthusiastic throughout the ages (though I always forget to write something down that's worth jabbering about until it's too dated so who can tell a difference eh? XD). It's really hard to tell, outside this typing on the fricking keyboard I've been venting so often without much of idol influence but still tend to bounce about at times when I find things exciting.
Maybe it's the events I suppose. Nowadays I find out more and more about the disturbing things some family member have done (ex: forging granny's last will & testament just to keep an extra house!!!) and then look back to this fandom and feel more dumber of not taking the option of sleeping instead of prolonging useless arguments with someone that only care about competition rather than the subject. The rest of every social outlet I've gone to is littered with people that either has a hair-trigger temper or just fakes it just to remind me why haven't I talk that much in the first place.
I also get reminded that outside the treasure cove of douchy hipsters that flood the fandom, there's someone on my bloomin' city that constantly threatens me for the most petty and pretentious things... IN A 3rd GRADE LEVEL!!!! It gets more annoying when my life is "threatened" by that salad tosser's pack of hipster/otaku/gang member-wannabes while I have to deal with some taller douche that wrecks my family's way of living without getting mom arrested because of some bullshit "Bonnie & Clyde" excuse that the NYPD is soooo quick to plop out. (or I could've push him down the stairs.... if his weight wasn't massive....eh)
Okay okay, so maybe it's the events. But with so much weird stuff happening each month, let alone a year or decade, it's hard to see if I've gotten less... merry. Then again, I have about 6 hours of sleep before I head out and get my fricking eyes dilated with just 2 boroughs away from my place. Oh wat the blue blazes am I doing again!? Ehg, night journal.
With that said, bleh. I've gotten to reflect of the days were obvious regretful shit was obvious. It also got me thinking again... about a few things. During my reminisces, I stopped to think how much I've changed and it was.... scary. I dove deeper with each month passing and kept on remembering some awkward stuff.
From everything I've learned and done, it gets harder and harder to guess if I've gotten more cynical or more enthusiastic throughout the ages (though I always forget to write something down that's worth jabbering about until it's too dated so who can tell a difference eh? XD). It's really hard to tell, outside this typing on the fricking keyboard I've been venting so often without much of idol influence but still tend to bounce about at times when I find things exciting.
Maybe it's the events I suppose. Nowadays I find out more and more about the disturbing things some family member have done (ex: forging granny's last will & testament just to keep an extra house!!!) and then look back to this fandom and feel more dumber of not taking the option of sleeping instead of prolonging useless arguments with someone that only care about competition rather than the subject. The rest of every social outlet I've gone to is littered with people that either has a hair-trigger temper or just fakes it just to remind me why haven't I talk that much in the first place.
I also get reminded that outside the treasure cove of douchy hipsters that flood the fandom, there's someone on my bloomin' city that constantly threatens me for the most petty and pretentious things... IN A 3rd GRADE LEVEL!!!! It gets more annoying when my life is "threatened" by that salad tosser's pack of hipster/otaku/gang member-wannabes while I have to deal with some taller douche that wrecks my family's way of living without getting mom arrested because of some bullshit "Bonnie & Clyde" excuse that the NYPD is soooo quick to plop out. (or I could've push him down the stairs.... if his weight wasn't massive....eh)
Okay okay, so maybe it's the events. But with so much weird stuff happening each month, let alone a year or decade, it's hard to see if I've gotten less... merry. Then again, I have about 6 hours of sleep before I head out and get my fricking eyes dilated with just 2 boroughs away from my place. Oh wat the blue blazes am I doing again!? Ehg, night journal.
Here's a tip:
(mentally) Remove family, remove connections. Start fresh, and be yourself.
Your family isn't you.
Your local people aren't you.
Let the stupid go and find something new.
For example, move across the country - how much will any of it matter then?
This is just a dumb comment though. :) Don't read it hard, same as journal.
Well wishes.