Watch out, big baby adult complaining about life up ahead.

I had a four day weekend this weekend and ideally I should be happy. I've had nothing but time to myself to enjoy doing the things I do. All this free time however has left me to think about how much of a piece of shit I really am. All I do is sit at the computer all day, all fucking day. I do this after work too. I don't wanna go out and make new friends so why should I be so unhappy that I feel like I'm always alone. To hell with that though, I have a kind boyfriend who took me out to the pool and to the movies afterwards at his expense. Hell he just came in here to tell me were gonna go out for lunch to enjoy memorial day. Though all my mistakes are probably going to make this the last memorial day I get to enjoy as a 'vet'. I apparently am not responsible and don't take proper care of myself emotionally, physically, financially, etc. so naturally I'm on the fast track to losing everything and what am I doing about it? Sitting here being upset. I wish I knew why it's so hard to get up and change, I've clearly identified a problem yet I choose to act minimally. Just making ends meet. Just enough. Striving for nothing more than the minimum. This underachieving mentality coupled with me being depressed that i'm an underachiever just makes for a fabulous me who doesn't do shit. I'm at a place in my life in which things could go south really quickly but I'm not doing shit. Does it take losing everything I have to make a point to me? I really hope it doesn't.

Well my current character resale is product of my irresponsibility. Spending more than I have on beautiful designs, and I've sold most of the ones most precious to me for less than what I paid for most because I needed people to buy and I felt bad charging people what I paid because often times my purchases are impulse autobuys at auctions. So all I have left are unsellable designs nobody wants and a design too expensive to sell. I'm keeping my dreamy Eirawen no matter what, I had a huge emotional breakdown the last time I tried to part with her so it's not happening again. I might be making the same mistake with my luminette Prism, shes the one I've had the longest and this might be a mistake reselling her like this. However nobody seems to have the money to buy her, so what's it matter anyway. Who has 500 dollars to spend on a luminette? Though at the same time, maybe I should just sell everything adopt related and get rid of the addiction completely. It's been a huge money sink for me and there's nothing good I've gotten out of it except for a few good friends and a lot a beautiful art. WEll maybe those things are actually a lot, I know my life has changed a lot since then for better and mostly for worse.

I don't think anyone likes these stupid emotional rants on fa. Hell I'm not popular enough for anyone to care. My art is trash, so I can't rely on it to help support paying for things on the side like adopts. However perhaps its my fault for not putting enough time and effort into drawing. I get better when i practice but I have no incentive to practice because there's no monetary gain and nobody really cares. I already know most of my watchers are just people who like the art of my sona and other characters that I post. They aren't here for my actual art. That thought is kind of depressing in itself. I should consider just wiping this gallery and leaving my own work up and see how many people unwatch. As well as see how frequently i get new watches. Everything is my own fault. I can't blame anything on anyone else.

definitely tl,dr. if you did cool. I'm not sure what typing this shit out did for me but it is what it is. I'll probably delete this later, or more likely forget to delete it.