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On gender and why you don't get an opinion on it.
11 years ago
Recently, I've been harassed by a user on here. Yes, harassed, as they, on my own submission, started insulting me, and wouldn't leave when I told them to, and went as far as keep going on my other accounts. I'm not going to give a name, as I've passed the point on calling out people.
So lets get to the point;
Gender is not up to someone's opinion. The meaning of it isn't, either. It's no matter of opinion.
It's a matter of fact, and fact is, gender is a 0% physical thing.
There is no such thing as physical or biological gender; that is called sex.
What gender is? Well that's separated in more than one thing.
There is gender identity, which is what you identify as.
There is gender expression, which is the way you act.
Society tries to make you believe that if you're born with a vagina, you're a woman and you gotta act and look like a woman.
It tells you that if you're born with a penis, you're a man, and you gotta act and look like a man.
If you're born with ambiguous genitalia, they'll still assign a gender within the binary to you.
And that's bullshit. As a trans person dealing with dysphoria(on a physical and social level) and getting misgendered on a daily basis, that's bullshit.
The gender you have assigned to you at birth is just a bunch of expectations people have for you, and it's not always the right one.
So yes, as a trans person, I can say that someone is wrong on "their definition" of the word. I'm allowed to say that any cis people who believe that gender has ANY physical connotation is wrong. They don't know what they're talking about, as gender has never been any trouble for them.
Speaking of gender as a cis person and rejecting the facts given by a trans person is wrong.
Saying that you don't agree with "my view" and that "everyone has different opinions" on the matter is an insult. It's telling me that my identity is their opinion.
And when I told them to go away and leave me alone, they didn't. After I blocked them on one account, they went on the other.
They called me closed minded.
They, as a cis person, told a trans person that because they believe gender has a physical aspect, I was closed minded, and that me feeling threatened and harassed by their action was the funniest thing they've ever seen.
They probably feel really proud of themselves for making an already dysphoric person feel even worse. They probably were amused when I told them to fuck off and they didn't think it was well deserved for insulting me, and claiming that it wasn't insulting, when I told them MYSELF that it was.
No one gets to chose what is an insult to someone else. No one gets to chose what gender is because some other cis person once wrote an erroneous definition to the word.
People change, people learn, and assholes say that they have a say on something that doesn't affect them.
(ps: I am going to be away for a while, but I'll check for replies whenever I can)
So lets get to the point;
Gender is not up to someone's opinion. The meaning of it isn't, either. It's no matter of opinion.
It's a matter of fact, and fact is, gender is a 0% physical thing.
There is no such thing as physical or biological gender; that is called sex.
What gender is? Well that's separated in more than one thing.
There is gender identity, which is what you identify as.
There is gender expression, which is the way you act.
Society tries to make you believe that if you're born with a vagina, you're a woman and you gotta act and look like a woman.
It tells you that if you're born with a penis, you're a man, and you gotta act and look like a man.
If you're born with ambiguous genitalia, they'll still assign a gender within the binary to you.
And that's bullshit. As a trans person dealing with dysphoria(on a physical and social level) and getting misgendered on a daily basis, that's bullshit.
The gender you have assigned to you at birth is just a bunch of expectations people have for you, and it's not always the right one.
So yes, as a trans person, I can say that someone is wrong on "their definition" of the word. I'm allowed to say that any cis people who believe that gender has ANY physical connotation is wrong. They don't know what they're talking about, as gender has never been any trouble for them.
Speaking of gender as a cis person and rejecting the facts given by a trans person is wrong.
Saying that you don't agree with "my view" and that "everyone has different opinions" on the matter is an insult. It's telling me that my identity is their opinion.
And when I told them to go away and leave me alone, they didn't. After I blocked them on one account, they went on the other.
They called me closed minded.
They, as a cis person, told a trans person that because they believe gender has a physical aspect, I was closed minded, and that me feeling threatened and harassed by their action was the funniest thing they've ever seen.
They probably feel really proud of themselves for making an already dysphoric person feel even worse. They probably were amused when I told them to fuck off and they didn't think it was well deserved for insulting me, and claiming that it wasn't insulting, when I told them MYSELF that it was.
No one gets to chose what is an insult to someone else. No one gets to chose what gender is because some other cis person once wrote an erroneous definition to the word.
People change, people learn, and assholes say that they have a say on something that doesn't affect them.
(ps: I am going to be away for a while, but I'll check for replies whenever I can)
I mean, yeah, it WOULD have been possible that they were confused on the meaning, but no explaining worked, and I was met with "but muh definition" every single time.
I'm not the best at explaining, but I could try!
Part of it is some kind of coping mechanism. Because it happens that cis people are the oppressor to trans people, it is right to say that "cis people are the problem". Though it is becoming almost a regular thing that some trans people are also part of the problem, the cis mentality is what causes the problem for trans folks.
And the "not all X" phrase is actually hurting people from those same groups. Of course, everyone knows (save for extremists, but no one likes them) that it's not the whole group. But, sadly, it is still a majority. It is also good to note that, once you realize that, it becomes easier to realize that things like that are not directed to you. After a while, you don't identify with the problem, when you know you're not part of it.
The word cis is also being used more and more, as it also shows how a trans person would feel, when they're not called a "normal" person. Because that's what some people say. Instead of cis, they say normal, and it's very hurtful, when a whole group calls themselves normal. Cis people see it as a slur as they're not used to be put in a group like trans people have been put in since the very start.
It's something that is never comfortable at first, but once you start thinking about it, it's only about equality. No one wants to be put in boxes, but as long as society won't destroy the ones we're already in, the least we can do is to accept that it's to think about it, and realize that if we want to be equal, we're either all in boxes, or all out of them.
We're singled out as the "weird" ones. This is our reality, and still people will say it's unfair if they get the same treatment. And it's like, where's the equality if that kind of rights is limited to only one group?
I hope you get to eat more soon! Being hungry is never good.
Agree to disagree and move on.
People do not always see what you see, even if you wear a big lettered shirt telling them what to see. Personally I think gender, in and of itself, is all a lie to categorize and push certain sexes into certain roles designated "normal" by most of society. I don't really believe in gender and see it as just another religion people cling to.
One can pick whatever "gender" they want because it is a concept, idea, psychological, and societal.
Things in this world are not as easily defined as one may want them to be. It is all opinion and perspective. What is one thing to one person, may not be the same thing to another person. One needs to step back and see things from a global perspective, now and then.
And some people feel better with something to identify as. I lived my life miserable until I learned that I wasn't alone in feeling the way I did, and that I could finally put a name on it.
The thing is, you can't have a say on something that doesn't affect you. You can't chose if something is racist if you're white, you can't chose if something is sexist if you're male, you can't chose if something gender related is wrong or right if you're cis.
The oppressive group has had the final say for too long, and it's time for the people who have to deal with all that to tell them that they're wrong.
Unless you were being sarcastic there, that was an incredibly racist and sexist thing to say. There is sexism against males and racism against whites all the time.
In America people are entitled to their opinions and free speech and it is considered a right, even if some person or group finds it offensive unless it is inciting physical violence against someone or some group. You have to learn to take it with a grain of salt and not let some random stranger get under your skin. As I say, be the boots on the carpet and not the carpet under the boots.
And the only way men experience sexism is when they get the same treatment women get. So they don't agree to the way women are treated, but only when it happens to them.
Do white people have a harder time getting a job because they're white? Do people give them worried look when they walk on the street? Do men have a lower pay check? Are they refused for jobs they could do because it's "not a job for a man" in a situation in which they don't mean it as a "we need to show of a woman for this job"? No, it doesn't happen. The only time it happens is when they get in a situation when people who aren't white and women are the majority. And it happens because that's the only time they get treated the way they treat others to begin with.
And before you say "but not all X", I saw the best way to explain it. Take a bowl of M&M. I tell you some of them are poisonous. Are you still going to eat any? No? Why not? Not ALL of them are poisonous, but you still won't risk it. You won't eat any.
If YOU are not affected by it, then you don't get a say. You can agree with people who DO have to deal with it, but you can't have an opinion on it. It's not about opinions but about rights.
There is a cool little song from a play called "Avenue Q" titled "Everyone is a little bit racist." Racism and sexism are not purely a white male owned thing. Hell, just to say that is is a racist and sexist thing.
You sure made this go down hill rather quickly.
Also, you point out Avenue Q, but did you actually listen to the song? It talks about prejudices related to racism. About how people say things the way they've been said for a long time, and there's the "even though we all know that it's wrong" part. They know it's wrong. And that is the part that a lot of people won't admit. People will say it's just "an opinion" and won't say "I know it's wrong" which would already be a good step in acknowledging it.
And you're the one who's caused that. If you didn't come to me and tell me to get over and move on from something that makes every single day of my life uncomfortable to live, it wouldn't have gone "down hill".
Wow you are so full of shit, you must need a lot of bleach to clean out the stains. Making broad generalizations of people to the point of being the oppressor while at the same time assuming I don't know what it is like to be a minority within a minority. Wow, you are so close-minded, you cannot even see your own hubris and hypocrisy. You are treating me like an enemy when I freaking agreed with you.
And you called gender something like a religion, and said that you don't see it, and I explained to me that gender was a way for me to feel like I'm not alone.
And when you said "In America people are entitled to their opinions and free speech and it is considered a right, even if some person or group finds it offensive unless it is inciting physical violence against someone or some group."
First, I never stated that this is where I lived, and second, this kind of opinion IS something that incites physical violence against a group. Trans folks get attacked all the time over their identity, because people think it's wrong, because in their "opinion", people "like that" shouldn't exist.
I don't have any reason to agree with the views of people who are a threat to my life or my well being in general. I don't have to give anyone freebies because "people have opinions".
I've had friend get beaten up. I've have friends thrown out of their houses. I've had friends threatened for their life, all because someone had an opinion.
And I'm not the oppressor. The oppressor has power.
I can't stand trolls and some of my best friends are trans. I want to curse this troll.
Usually if you ignore them they move on. But you can still want to tear their guts out.
...Whew glad I got that out of my system. Just remember trolls are people who's lives suck so bad they need to make others feel worse.
And if you need help their are friends willing to help ^w^
Kay. Sorry for the inconvenience.
You are right on with your definition of sex and gender.
However, I'm noticing you keep referring to cisgendered and cispeople as if they are somehow a threat or an oppressor to the transgendered community. =s
Personally, I don't like to blame cispeople, heterosexuals, christians, etc for discrimination because that's just wrong. The only people you should blame discrimination on are the individuals who are bigots, but even then try to educate them and make them understand before you start disrespecting them because people always have misconceptions and misunderstandings of certain groups of people that they are not aware is offensive.
And I'm not blaming every single cis person, but cis people who have that mentality that gender is in any way related to biology. Which is why I said "any cis people who believe that gender has ANY physical connotation", and not that cis people were immediately wrong.
But yeah, I did try to explain, and I said it was hurtful, but they started saying that is was an opinion. And it isn't one.