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Shutting down.
11 years ago
General
I know I've been absent lately, and there really is no good excuse for it other than I've been suffering from a mental breakdown. I'm stuck, really. I am going to talk to the doctor about raising my medication, but until then I don't know what I am going to do.
I know I made an apology a couple months back, but I feel like I owe another one. This year has not been kind to me, and my communication aspect as reflected upon that. I can't even draw anymore without hating it and myself...it just everything feels wrong. I didn't mean to insult, hurt or anything to anyone. This feels really disjointed because I feel really disjointed.
I apologize for the delay in refunds, mostly because my bank account got hacked into and I've been scared to do anything with it ever since. I don't know how they got my information since I am usually on top of it..I don't know. I don't have one at the moment and I share one with my parents atm..which makes dealing with paypal and them tough.
I just feel..I don't know, like sleeping and never waking up really. I've been making empty promises because I don't want to admit I'm sinking. That's why I keep saying "Oh the next day!" because I don't want to disappoint anyone, because I am afraid of making them wait for me.
Well, here's the truth. Truth is, I work basically check to check. I'm only paid 7.25 an hour, every two weeks. I have to make all of that last every two weeks, so I am very strained because I still owe refunds. Sharing a bank account with my folks does not help because..usually they dip into my 'share.' They do pay me back in cash, however cash is kinda useless to me right now since everything I -need- to do is online.
Again, before anything is said, my suit was paid for by my folks. I did not touch any commissioned money in dealing with that. I got the question "Why didn't you get your parents to pay for refunds instead of your suit?" Because it's my business, not theirs.
Where am I going with this. I am not doing it to garner some sort of pity...I just want to sort of illuminate what's been going on in my broken mind. I feel like...I don't know, really. I need help. I really do.
I know I made an apology a couple months back, but I feel like I owe another one. This year has not been kind to me, and my communication aspect as reflected upon that. I can't even draw anymore without hating it and myself...it just everything feels wrong. I didn't mean to insult, hurt or anything to anyone. This feels really disjointed because I feel really disjointed.
I apologize for the delay in refunds, mostly because my bank account got hacked into and I've been scared to do anything with it ever since. I don't know how they got my information since I am usually on top of it..I don't know. I don't have one at the moment and I share one with my parents atm..which makes dealing with paypal and them tough.
I just feel..I don't know, like sleeping and never waking up really. I've been making empty promises because I don't want to admit I'm sinking. That's why I keep saying "Oh the next day!" because I don't want to disappoint anyone, because I am afraid of making them wait for me.
Well, here's the truth. Truth is, I work basically check to check. I'm only paid 7.25 an hour, every two weeks. I have to make all of that last every two weeks, so I am very strained because I still owe refunds. Sharing a bank account with my folks does not help because..usually they dip into my 'share.' They do pay me back in cash, however cash is kinda useless to me right now since everything I -need- to do is online.
Again, before anything is said, my suit was paid for by my folks. I did not touch any commissioned money in dealing with that. I got the question "Why didn't you get your parents to pay for refunds instead of your suit?" Because it's my business, not theirs.
Where am I going with this. I am not doing it to garner some sort of pity...I just want to sort of illuminate what's been going on in my broken mind. I feel like...I don't know, really. I need help. I really do.
Maybe you should try some medications, take a little break, find where you are, and do your own thing. There's no point in forcing yourself to do anything you don't want to do!
Hope you get better soon, bud!
I hate taking even MORE meds because I'm already on a ton of stuff as is...but what's another pill in the box. Maybe it'll help.
Thank you so much for your words of kindness, I'm really at the edge of the rope here.
It's fine, I just wish I could help more :c
Along with depression meds, sleep meds and birth control, I'm also taking steroids to counter basically my intestines falling out x_x Maybe everything is starting to mesh together.
ya know honestly quite awhile ago I paid you to do a badge.. but really I dont need one. I dont need a refund or anything at all. I guess keep it as a "tip" more than anything!
take a break, do what makes you happy, and I hope you feel better soon! :C
Just..I ask for a little more time. Right now, I realize I need to sort of pick myself up.
Thank you again for understanding, I just need...something. I don't know. I feel like I'm living just to make it day to day.
Thank you so much for lending an ear...I really appreciate it
You know I try to be a friend to you.. that's why I'm telling you this:
I've been making empty promises because I don't want to admit I'm sinking. That's why I keep saying "Oh the next day!" because I don't want to disappoint anyone, because I am afraid of making them wait for me."
The problem is that you make people angry with empty promises.. including me.
You should stop doing that, you don't see the damage you create with that. You dissapoint people, make them angry, and that's why people start anti-sugarfactory drama.
Many people, that owe something from you, rather would like to hear "wait for <time>" rather than "tomorrow!" And not getting anything. You dissapoint people with false promises. Please stop that..
I hope you will deal with all the debts you have.. and have it empty.
Just be open to the people who owe something for you.
Sorry to hear you have to endure it
im here if you need to rant.
My problems just keep piling, recently got diagnosed with fibromyalgia too which ive been having for years due to the extreme stress
new journual with new infos n stuff...
but few person still wait n doesnt have more patience. Sorry to say, but you cooked for yourself.