So for anyone who's interested in me or my work or why updates are slow etc ... I'm just going to leave a little note here about what's going on with me lately.

Firstly, you should all know I'm still suffering with Anxiety, Depression and currently low self esteem. This impacts on my school work, commissions, personal art, premades/conventions, and even my own personal free time. I'm not getting nearly as much done, but I'm also not even gaming or reading in my free time. I spend my 'free time' feeling guilty that I'm not working, having emotional breakdowns/crises, and seeing pretty much the only person on the face of the earth that actually seems to care about me, but also makes me calm down often. As I've only been suffering with this just over a year, I'm still not coping well, and though I'm going to my best efforts to help, I just can't shake the feeling that I'm just too broken to be put back together. This is partly the reason I'm writing this journal, to update anyone on my personal condition, why I'm not doing too much work etc but also because I'm having a pretty crappy meltdown this evening. In fact, I haven't left my room since I got home. These moments happen, and I can't do anything about it. And at this particular time, I can't even face any work.

So, deadlines. My final major project is due on the 6th of this month and I have no idea how I'm going to finish in time. That's 4 days. That's all. I've got an awful lot of work to do in a very little time. I'll definitely post photos of my final work here, probably along with some sketchbook pages and development work and all that. This will get me my final grade for my foundation year. Working mainly on sculpture and accompanying drawings, combining both fine art and illustration by allowing me to create characters, demons if you will, based off current emotions and issues. Not too bad but motivation is almost completely exhausted for this project.

I'm off to University in September! How scary ... I don't feel old enough for that. I'll be studying illustration, mainly in an attempt to start drawing more, and develop and learn because I feel I don't any more (largely due to personal issues). I can also work on a bunch of 3D work, sculpture and model-making and whatnot, so I'm not restricting myself. I hope to get back into drawing like I once was, and yes, you'll get to see as much of it as I feel like showing!

I'm also off on Holiday at the end of this month for 2 weeks, so do expect some serious delays around then. I hope I'll draw more while I'm away, but I really don't know what will happen. I'm not looking forward to being away from that one person who helps me when I need him most, and last year my 'relaxing holiday' was the start of my more severe depression which left me in a worse place while I was meant to be enjoying myself.

I am possibly moving house later this year, so there's a bunch of stress and decisions and whatnot going on with that, too. It all depends on my family and if the sale actually goes through smoothly and stuff.

I'm not too sure I have all that much more to say, really. Gives you all an idea of how things are going for me, why I'm not uploading much or re-opening commissions yet, etc - things I am frequently asked across my network of websites.

Expect a POTENTIAL pre-made head within the next 2 1/2 weeks or so. I've been struggling a lot with cash, and I'd like some spending money for when I go away, if possible. After friday this week I'll have no school work commitments and more time to get things done.

Hope you're all doing well and if you read this, both congratulations for making it through it all and you have my thanks for actually being interested in my well-being. Or perhaps it's just because you're waiting for commissions to open up again. It could be anything, really.

~Kloof