I had decided to go through my old notes in my Nitetigrezz account, starting with the oldest. Spanning back over the past four or five years, I only got through about four out of 31 pages before I had to stop for the night.

There's so much history in those notes. So many commissions never completed xp character descriptions, art approvals, how are yahs... words of unshakeable friendship from people I haven't heard from in years. Those are the most emotionally draining. I know without a doubt that I can be a difficult friend to have. I poof so often and grow quiet for so long that it's easy to give up on me. On top of that, I've changed over the years. I'm not the same girl I was four years ago. But reading some of these notes... people so certain they would be there for me no matter what, only to fade away with the rest.... There's a dull, tiring pain that goes with it. It's so easy for me to make friends. Keeping them seems to be the hardest thing.

I dunno. I'm just... drained.