So just a random little update on me and how I'm doing since I don't talk about it much on here and I don't think people follow my twitter much (@sierrak85).

Things were /really/ rough these past few months, emotionally and financially. Lot of dark thoughts and stuff, but it tends to pass. I don't know if it's lack of exposure (probably) or if my stuff just isn't that great? People tell me it is but I guess I'm my own worst critic.

I've been fighting with the laser to get the results I want, and I think I've finally dialed everything in just right. I did some awesome Star Wars pints/shots the other night for a friend and I'm super excited about how those came out (so is he).

The hardest thing for me right now is just feeling really stagnant with transition? I mean, my body's responding really really well to hormones and I *feel* a million times better, but there's some stuff that is just prohibitively expensive. Not to be all, like, 'oh I'm so poor' or anything. It's just how things are and I'm trying to change that. I've sold pretty much everything except for my desktop and monitors? I mean it kind of sucks but I feel oddly at peace with the brunt of that stuff gone.

My roommate has been awesome and supportive and I owe him so much thanks. I've gotten some work lately, and with AC coming up I'll definitely be doing more work, which is nice. With nothing to do it's kind of just counting the hours between medication (literally) and trying to keep myself busy. I count myself lucky to have a lot of really good friends.

I'm still telling myself that I'll do well at AC; I mean, the option to not do well doesn't really exist. I've talked to the VA and they're supposed to be changing the money that I owe them each month, so hopefully that happens and frees up a few dollars here and there. Being waitlisted for MFF kind of took the wind out of my sails the other night, I'd had a really good day and had actually sold something on Etsy! It wasn't being waitlisted that hurt so much, I mean, I can deal with "you weren't fast enough so you didn't get a table," I get that. It's something that I would have had direct control over (It's why I didn't get a table at Rainfurrest). I think the bigger reason it hurt was that since the selections were done by a panel of judges... I don't know. It just really played on my insecurities about the stuff I do not being 'good enough.'

I knew it would be a huge gamble to not do copyrighted/trademarked stuff or popular fandom stuff, and sometimes it's just frustrating to think that maybe I could be doing better if I could whitewash my morality and ethics, you know? Not that some of that doesn't exist in a sort of grey area, but I'm just naturally averse to it. I've been tempted to swallow my pride about it, especially when my bank account is flashing red, but I just...can't. I'm kind of stuck on doing certain products, too. I really really want to branch out into doing more woodwork (It's fun and it makes the garage smell like christmas!!!!) but I just don't know the demand for some stuff.

I've been hesitant to look at other venues than furry conventions, because I know the genre, I know my customers, I love my customers, and I'm not really interested in anime conventions or comic conventions or anything else like that. If I can get to a point where the business is generating enough to sustain itself, I can start experimenting with other mediums and other ideas for stuff. I just get really frustrated at the financial barrier to entry related to some stuff - Can I afford to drop $20 on something that isn't going to sell, when I can use that same $20 on something I know will?

Overall, I'm kind of getting to a point where things aren't so hopeless. In the last year I've met some really awesome new friends and had some really awesome customers, and I am so thankful for all of them.