I usually try to stay happy... I usually try to smile my way through everything. Nobody sees me cry, nobody sees me hurt, nobody sees it when I hurt myself just to feel a different pain... but I hurt everyday now
I want to be happy again, to feel like somebody important, to feel loved, but I don't feel that anymore... I just feel numb inside.
Nobody seems to want me... my family even said they wish I'd move out but I can't because of my son. My friends have all but stopped messaging me (most of them messaged me on my birthday and that's been it)
I just feel like I'm worthless, a nuisance, an obstacle to the world feel happy, but I can't give up
So everyday I get up with the sunrise, pack a lunch, go to work, and work until I ache and bleed. Then I go home and help around the house: Cleaning, doing dishes, laundry. I try to spend time with my son, but he avoids me lately, favoring my parents over me. Then I go to bed and repeat this 4 days a week... my weekends are no different except that instead of work, I try to spend time with my son even more, and he avoids me even more...
But he needs me... so I keep working. Selesh needs me, so I keep working. My family needs my income, so I keep working... and praying for it to end...