Finals are over, and as much as I want to be happy and smiles I can't bring myself to do so. I've been working on art, so at the very least you can all look forward to several of the pieces being removed from my queue this week.

I just had a moment where life became too real for me. A moment where I realized nothing I do in this fandom equates to anything in the job world, in the real world. While the relationships I've made are lasting and true, I feel the need for success. I'm 20 years old yet I couldn't feel younger. I don't have internships, I don't have any future for me other then more school, and even within the school I'm in my GPA isn't as high as it could be if I drove myself harder.

Sometimes I think about leaving the fandom, and honestly it's one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make. I'm overreacting. I've just started immersing myself in the fandom and it helps some of my feelings of impending horrid lonesomeness, but I have to wonder if it's the best choice for my future. I'm not saying I'm leaving the fandom as of yet, but I just have to wonder if the time I'm investing into art and into meeting people and going to events is really worth it....