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Tear-Rendering Envy...
11 years ago
General
I miss my Dad so terribly... I saw something on Tumblr that triggered a horrible memory & realization for me. It was nothing heinous, but rather, a beautiful moment in time shared between a father & daughter:
http://bexlogic.tumblr.com/post/896.....olly-petitbear
... It just happened. I truly wish them all the best but I felt my chest tighten with indescribable anger & a sadness I can't even begin to convey with mere words.
It was a night I had a heated argument with my parents. I won't go into details as to what it concerned as it matters not. I remember screaming at my dad with tears in my eyes, absolutely furious with him. I was beyond enraged at how he had hidden his fatal condition from us, from me, for so long that we knew what was eventually to come because of how severe his health had turned. I remember sobbing, yelling how because of his foolishness, I can't bare the thought of having a child, them never knowing their grandfather. After all was said & silent, Dad hugged me tightly as I cried uncontrollably. We eventually got past that argument, forgive & forget, and moved onward but still...
Eric's dad would be very limited to interactions with our offspring, and while my mother is sweet & kind and I know she'd be a wonderful grandmother, I still can't take it knowing my dad would never see my child if I became pregnant tomorrow. I know it sounds horribly selfish to deprive my husband of this decision based on that (among other numerous reasons) and Eric tells me whether I choose to bare a child or not, he'll always love me & never pressure me is kind & sweet of him.
But I just... I just can't.
http://bexlogic.tumblr.com/post/896.....olly-petitbear
... It just happened. I truly wish them all the best but I felt my chest tighten with indescribable anger & a sadness I can't even begin to convey with mere words.
It was a night I had a heated argument with my parents. I won't go into details as to what it concerned as it matters not. I remember screaming at my dad with tears in my eyes, absolutely furious with him. I was beyond enraged at how he had hidden his fatal condition from us, from me, for so long that we knew what was eventually to come because of how severe his health had turned. I remember sobbing, yelling how because of his foolishness, I can't bare the thought of having a child, them never knowing their grandfather. After all was said & silent, Dad hugged me tightly as I cried uncontrollably. We eventually got past that argument, forgive & forget, and moved onward but still...
Eric's dad would be very limited to interactions with our offspring, and while my mother is sweet & kind and I know she'd be a wonderful grandmother, I still can't take it knowing my dad would never see my child if I became pregnant tomorrow. I know it sounds horribly selfish to deprive my husband of this decision based on that (among other numerous reasons) and Eric tells me whether I choose to bare a child or not, he'll always love me & never pressure me is kind & sweet of him.
But I just... I just can't.
Electricfox777
~electricfox777
*Hugs Tightly*
