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More goddamned bad news
11 years ago
It's almost like I'm not allowed to have a good life sometimes...
I only just now realized that I left my entire goddamned sketchbook at Holden Beach. It had over seven months of my most recent work in it, and without it I literally have to start over a half-dozen images from scratch; even worse, it's the only sketchbook I've been using all that time, so I have no idea how to get back to drawing without it. I had a bunch of poses and faces in it I wanted to use, and my sketches for several commissions, so that's all fucked to hell too.
I'm so upset and angry that I'm physically sick, and I'm probably backsliding right into another depression at the worst possible time right when I'm trying to find a summer job. I'm such a fucking useless piece of shit, that thing was the most important item I'd packed besides my wallet and phone and I can't even fucking remember to put it in my bag when I'm done with it. That house was a fucking sauna with no internet and doodling was just about the only thing that made me smile there; I was fucking wiping sweat from my brow as I drew. I hate myself so, so much, I'm so angry I've just about come full circle and lost the ability to feel anything besides exhaustion. What the fuck did I do to piss off God, huh?
I only just now realized that I left my entire goddamned sketchbook at Holden Beach. It had over seven months of my most recent work in it, and without it I literally have to start over a half-dozen images from scratch; even worse, it's the only sketchbook I've been using all that time, so I have no idea how to get back to drawing without it. I had a bunch of poses and faces in it I wanted to use, and my sketches for several commissions, so that's all fucked to hell too.
I'm so upset and angry that I'm physically sick, and I'm probably backsliding right into another depression at the worst possible time right when I'm trying to find a summer job. I'm such a fucking useless piece of shit, that thing was the most important item I'd packed besides my wallet and phone and I can't even fucking remember to put it in my bag when I'm done with it. That house was a fucking sauna with no internet and doodling was just about the only thing that made me smile there; I was fucking wiping sweat from my brow as I drew. I hate myself so, so much, I'm so angry I've just about come full circle and lost the ability to feel anything besides exhaustion. What the fuck did I do to piss off God, huh?
Maybe it might still be there if you can get back there tomorrow, it might be a long shot but its good to keep hope
It's something I've had to learn to do as well: control the emotions to slow down and think about the options. Personally, i think planning a day to go drive back and grab the book is completely acceptable, as long as it's that important.
Wish i could be there with you, hun. Help you out :( I can take the heat, it would seem, far better than you. Sadly, i cant do the physical labor much. Not thanks to the heat- i'm able to labor in rather extreme temps well, but my metabolism and glycemia are like "nup!"