So I know not to many people if any actually read these things so I think its safe to vent here. A lot of things got me excited today only to have only a couple of things really shut me down.

Woke up today and realized that I'm only one step away from being able to apply for my dream job, If I pass this HAZMAT course I'll become a full fledged Baltimore County Firefighter. Then told that I need to get my stuff all figured out to move out... in 2 weeks, not all that bad, I new it was coming I just wish I was a little more prepared for it.

Got to work and if anyone knows my job situation at all, It suuuuuuucks (Shitty Walmart), well come to find out my job load was really light and I was complimented on my customer service (Rare), Changed my Taxes, and after alot on convincing I got my asst. Mgr. to change my work hours to fit my new travel schedule to and from work.

And thus ends the good stuff...... I get a text message, an old friend of mine wants to talk, we haven't talked sense my senior year in High School, and hes the one who helped me find out who I am and also my first BF (Ended on good terms even if we was very sexually controlling) so yeah sure I'm all for that. So this is the thing that really knocked me down,

I get him on Yahoo messenger and we are chatting and hes kind of hitting on me saying "Oh I'd like to move down there so we can hook up every once in a while, Are you still a freak like you were when you were with me" so on and so forth, Yes I'm in a sexually open relationship but I'm revisiting what I'm willing to do and who I'm willing to do it with. So I tell him that I'm engaged and am very happy with him and that yes we are open sexually but I don't think its a good idea for him to come all the way from Maine down to Maryland just so he can hook up with me.

All of a sudden he just explodes on me with "Your no good for anyone unless its bent over with a cock up your ass you fucking fur fag", "Your not meant to be with anyone unless your being used as a toy for their sexual satisfaction", "You fur fags are going to hell" and "The reason your sexually open is so that while he is "Dating" you he can see people he really loves but has a 100% guarenteed fuck toy"

Being the kind of person I am I look all tough on the outside but inside I'm a very sensitive person, It doesn't take much to wound me emoationally, Like an Ex said "your a teddy bear wrapped up in a big wrapper of tough ass firefighter." So I look for solace in those I hold dear and if I can't find it, the words just keep chewing at me.

So its at this point that I get off the chat and block him and this whole time I'm trying to get a hold of my Mate so we can figure out our moving and financial needs for our move. Come to find out hes with a friend so I can't really talk to him about the stuff I needed to originally or the stuff that just transpired. So I guess I'll have to wait until Sat. evening to talk to him about all this so in the meanwhile I'm going to either curl up in a ball cry a little and question if I'll have somewhere to go when I get kicked out while or work on my story and cry a little, although I already heave a head start on that already.

For those of you reading this, if you read it all, thank you for caring even just a little bit.