When do you know you should stop trying? At what point do things shift from just bad luck, to wasting time on something that will never happen? If insanity is doing the same thing over and over, expecting a different outcome... how many times do you have to do the same thing and get the same result before it becomes madness? And how long do people expect a positive attitude to last when the world is grinding your soul into a dung pile?

How does one "pull themselves up by their bootstraps" when those bootstraps have broken from tugging on them so much?

I feel so alone even in crowds... Nobody loves me. Everybody loves me they say... but nobody wants me around. Everyone wants me around they say... but they wont invite me along. They'd invite me along... if I lived closer. I don't live that far away they say... but they won't drive up to visit and grab coffee. Is this that "hint" that they talk about people "taking"?

Everyone loves my badges... but nobody buys one. When nobody buys them, I don't make any. When I don't make any, I get out of practice. When I get out of practice, my next badge wont look as good. When my badges don't look good, they next person with money to buy a badge from me won't want it anymore. If I made them for free to stay in practice, why would that person waste money when they could just wait until my next batch of free ones?

How do you know when to stop trying? When does it become insanity?

I'm just becoming full of anger and fear and distrust. I can't make new friends because one wrong move, one wrong question, one wrong long-silence and I distrust them. They must hate me if they are not online for two days in a row. They must be gathering gossip to talk about behind my back if they are this interested in me. They must want my bootay if they are touching my shoulder... Do I hug back, or do I lean away? Should I tell them how my day really has been, or do I shrug it off and deflect so they won't get mad at me for always being a downer?