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17/07/2014
11 years ago
i didnt have it in me to get out of bed this mornignand when i went back to sleep i had a nightmare that someone stole my food... i got angry and beat them up
like........... every dream i have is either something like tthat or me getting a datemate of some kind i think my priorities are very clear
ive been vaguely annoyed recently because my friends are ignoring me. its not a big thing though so i dont have a reason to actually shout at them but i end up doing all these stupid things to try and make them pay attention even though they cant take 5 minutes out of a video game to talk to me
ive been worried about college, im going to art foundation next year
ive been excited about it for months i wanted to skip my holidays so that i could go there straight away but now that ive had so many weeks to start feeling afraid about it... my friends from school will be there mostly but im just worried.. im so worried
my entire time in primary school and secondary school was just horrible on account of me being autistic... difficult to make friends and i ended up being on the outside all the time... i have a kind of chronic shame and embarrassment whenever i go outside and ive been staying indoors all through the holiday..
a good thing though is that the counsellor there wrote her entire paper on gender dysphoria and im really excited and scared and lucky to be able to have her there next year... my friend says shes lovely.. in the mean time a counsellor from camhs, the old place that did more harm than good actually sent me a letter asking if i wanted to see her... she is also a gender specialist, despite the last guy i saw there saying that there are no gender specialists in north wales
i dont know.. ive been feeling worse and worse about my body over the course of a few years.. its always been difficult to control and awkward and now i know why and im honestly just hoping i get some surgery before i try to diy it
i should go back to shitposting in journals instead im sorry
like........... every dream i have is either something like tthat or me getting a datemate of some kind i think my priorities are very clear
ive been vaguely annoyed recently because my friends are ignoring me. its not a big thing though so i dont have a reason to actually shout at them but i end up doing all these stupid things to try and make them pay attention even though they cant take 5 minutes out of a video game to talk to me
ive been worried about college, im going to art foundation next year
ive been excited about it for months i wanted to skip my holidays so that i could go there straight away but now that ive had so many weeks to start feeling afraid about it... my friends from school will be there mostly but im just worried.. im so worried
my entire time in primary school and secondary school was just horrible on account of me being autistic... difficult to make friends and i ended up being on the outside all the time... i have a kind of chronic shame and embarrassment whenever i go outside and ive been staying indoors all through the holiday..
a good thing though is that the counsellor there wrote her entire paper on gender dysphoria and im really excited and scared and lucky to be able to have her there next year... my friend says shes lovely.. in the mean time a counsellor from camhs, the old place that did more harm than good actually sent me a letter asking if i wanted to see her... she is also a gender specialist, despite the last guy i saw there saying that there are no gender specialists in north wales
i dont know.. ive been feeling worse and worse about my body over the course of a few years.. its always been difficult to control and awkward and now i know why and im honestly just hoping i get some surgery before i try to diy it
i should go back to shitposting in journals instead im sorry
Sorry to hear about the situation with your friends. No one can blame you for trying to reach out to them.
It's totally natural to feel nervous about college right before it starts! Just stay positive, I'm sure you'll do just fine! (•̀ᴗ•́)و ̑̑
That's awesome about the counselor though! Maybe having her there will help, even if only a little?
Ahhh That was tl;dr, sorry about that.
Best of Luck!
And trust me, once you know you're autistic it gets a lot easier.
<3
^-^