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Process of healing
11 years ago
Some of you may think that I hate Draft. Thats the farthest thing from my mind or hate Diego untrue. As Draft knows I am unable to knowing hurting anyone specially him. Yes we tried to make it a threesome. I try to do out of love for Draft. Yes I can be a lusty creature specially trying to please Draft or trying bond with Diego. But let it be know that I never did anything without him being present. He stay with me so long not out of love for me, but for honoring his word. When reading his last 2 journals and notice how far down the ranking I was and that the bedroom activities were just work with no love. It just explain everything about us stressing each other out. Now that I'm able to think things out more logically I know your breakup was for the best (love needs to go both directions or it will not work). That I truly wish them the best together. If I had let Draft bring Diego into my house. I most likely would experience a new emotion. That of jealous and it would have been with Diego. So we would have a worst breakup and hurt Diego in the process. Just another thing Diego was trying to love me. So let me go on the record as saying he a great guy and in the future we will be good friends it just takes time.
Hollyfox, Wolfie and several other furs have been helping me with cleaning out my dads house to get it ready to sell (this is another stress in my life at the moment). Also to help me get thru the pain of the breakup. So I would like to thank everybody from the bottom of my heart.Specially to Hollyfox who spent over 40 hours at dads house cleaning and helping me out now at my place as well.
Next problem since this my first real relationship. Yea I know it's hard to Believe. Will be seeing Draft and Diego together and happy at future events. It just make me remember that someone you love is happier with someone else and you have not mate. I will not be mad, but just sad and depressed over it. This cannot be avoided without me removing myself from all activities. From what I have read staying at home would not be good for my healing.
Last the future for over 30 years I have been alone. I never try to find a mate because Of the inability to love another person.I tried several other social activities was unable to bond with anybody and had few friends. But October of 2012 something happened. I starting rapidly losing my eyesight in my left eye when driving to fangcon. So we had to stop in Little Rock, so that I could fly back ASAP. I was diagnosed with a detached retina requiring surgery early the next morning to save my eyesight. While I was laying in bed blind in my eye trying to heal. One furry came along online and stirrup unknown emotions in me. So I finally found out that I could truly love someone. Which lead to Draft and me being together. What I'm saying is that I do want a mate in my future. But due to my age, that I have a house and a stable job until I retire. It limits the possible number of furries down a lot. I'm looking for a mate not to become someones sugarfurry (if you are interested in green and not grey than stay away).
Ps
To everybody
I do not want ppl to feel they need to pick sides in this breakup.
To ppl that do not know me personally
I will let you make up your mind what kind of person that I am.
To Diego
I do not want you to feel that you caused the problem. Please forgive me about not having you come live with me. I started thinking after you were down that things had a high possibility of going wrong and hurting you. You are a nice person and want to be close friends in the future.
To Draft
Sorry about the texting, bad sex and other issues. After things calm down I want you to be my best friend . I wanted you to be my mate not to cause you so much pain and bad feeling that drove to find someone else. For that there no words that I can express to tell you how sorry I am. Also I will not destroy or remove any pictures/videos of you or us together. For in time I will come to enjoy them again.
Hollyfox, Wolfie and several other furs have been helping me with cleaning out my dads house to get it ready to sell (this is another stress in my life at the moment). Also to help me get thru the pain of the breakup. So I would like to thank everybody from the bottom of my heart.Specially to Hollyfox who spent over 40 hours at dads house cleaning and helping me out now at my place as well.
Next problem since this my first real relationship. Yea I know it's hard to Believe. Will be seeing Draft and Diego together and happy at future events. It just make me remember that someone you love is happier with someone else and you have not mate. I will not be mad, but just sad and depressed over it. This cannot be avoided without me removing myself from all activities. From what I have read staying at home would not be good for my healing.
Last the future for over 30 years I have been alone. I never try to find a mate because Of the inability to love another person.I tried several other social activities was unable to bond with anybody and had few friends. But October of 2012 something happened. I starting rapidly losing my eyesight in my left eye when driving to fangcon. So we had to stop in Little Rock, so that I could fly back ASAP. I was diagnosed with a detached retina requiring surgery early the next morning to save my eyesight. While I was laying in bed blind in my eye trying to heal. One furry came along online and stirrup unknown emotions in me. So I finally found out that I could truly love someone. Which lead to Draft and me being together. What I'm saying is that I do want a mate in my future. But due to my age, that I have a house and a stable job until I retire. It limits the possible number of furries down a lot. I'm looking for a mate not to become someones sugarfurry (if you are interested in green and not grey than stay away).
Ps
To everybody
I do not want ppl to feel they need to pick sides in this breakup.
To ppl that do not know me personally
I will let you make up your mind what kind of person that I am.
To Diego
I do not want you to feel that you caused the problem. Please forgive me about not having you come live with me. I started thinking after you were down that things had a high possibility of going wrong and hurting you. You are a nice person and want to be close friends in the future.
To Draft
Sorry about the texting, bad sex and other issues. After things calm down I want you to be my best friend . I wanted you to be my mate not to cause you so much pain and bad feeling that drove to find someone else. For that there no words that I can express to tell you how sorry I am. Also I will not destroy or remove any pictures/videos of you or us together. For in time I will come to enjoy them again.
What Raynard says is very true. I've been single the majority of my life now and have been again for quite some time.
Robin Williams said it best... "I used to think the worst thing in life was ending up all alone. It's not.. The worst thing in life is ending up with people who make you feel all alone." - Robin Williams
The right person will come along, and I say that for myself as well. I know this is your first and it's rough. I've been through a few unhappy endings now, and somehow I still believe that the right person who will appreciate me for who I am is out there. The same applies to you. I read some of what you wrote and I think you are way too hard on yourself. Just because someone perceives something to be a certain way, doesn't mean you did anything wrong. It can literally just mean that you both had different levels of expectations for the other person.
I have come to refriend a few of the folks I formerly dated. Admittedly, there are some that it's best if our paths don't cross again. One of my best friends to this day is an 'ex'. Did I mention I don't like using the word ex? It sounds so final, and I try to believe nothing is final, it just changes form.
*hugs*