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Do not suicide. Do not give up.
11 years ago
General
This is just a long text wall and has some things that maybe just say how naive and stupid I am so maybe you dont want to read it. It starts moody and depressing but the end i think it express some sort of joy.
weird title...i guess it was kinda redlight enought to call attention and modest enought to not call a hoard of yellers.
This is the thing. I feel bad. I`m frustrated and theres challenges that are crushing me down, and when I comment it with people, they just..basically give up on anything special we work together.
but..I am actually managing it! The summer started in a fantastic strike of luck, I could fill a little my paypal,hoping someday doing that trip I'm dreaming for. i actually could tell myself i was improving, my first comic took shape and I witnessed a fantastic game to come out and that has much more to tell, i loved it.
As manny people know, I dont have the happiest existence, I could go for hours talking about how im treated, the things ive suffered,the daily pains and annoyances and of course that godamn inflation that is driving me crazy. just homeworks represents a bonebreaking pressure crush that makes me cry, and just reminding that im skipping it to writte this will surely make me regret wasting time... but.
I'm still here.
a summer that started so good developed into a calamity of depression, and not even for me! I was FINALLY doing ok, dealing with my problems and feeling kind of confortable... but, It all started with a joke, You dont tell someone his best friend is dead (im sorry for reminding you, i know your sorry, and i forgive you and hold nothing agaisnt you, youre still a fantastic friend and im glad you keep cheking on me with so much care).
that was heavy for my weak heart to handle and i atcually took a couple days sleeping just thanking it wasnt true,i gess it was the scariest time of my life till then, ddint passed a week before an absolutelly new friend, someone that was having me really worried just attempted to...well, its on the tittle, I panicked, i didnt knew anything tio actually help and a person just was Giving up in front of me, totally stubborn and not wanting to hear me. I admit it, I panicked, i revealed information and that only got people to shout me about me being insensitive, but i just didnt know what to do other tha scream for help. In any case, Ill never give up on people who needs me, or have I blocked anyone yet? I'm there! im there because i worry about people, never give up on my arms, im trying to never give up on yours.
things are ok on that subject by now, it doesnt help that im still worried. ive been trying to keep on my stuff, the problem is, I never tought Id actually cast a shadow over people, I really never spected that, i dont want anyone to feel less than me, Put me down of that high pedestal youre putting me on, Ive felt that way before ,and unless and artist is a jerk, theyre not going to feel good in the same situation, for your own healt and that of the artist you like, adopt a good attitude, stop beating yourself so rudelly and keep working, if you give up before start, you could call yourself forgotten, if you start but dont trust in yourself, youll only be a disappointment (and to yourself) being a good artist has a lot to do with the attitude, energetic and passionate,curious, these 3 things are not hard at least prettend you feel, once you pretend youll start to adop, and sooner or later everything is going to work out. I am not better than you, youre not by any means obligated to stay behind me and smell my hipotetical farts, you better take a deep brath and step on the accelerator so you can gimme some elbows bumps.
Well, this has been extending a lot, id like to talk about manny more things... but, while writting i was slowly changing moods (i think its kinda noticeable) and i think this is enought for now.
In conclussion: Im feeling needy of hugs, i want a warn and long nap and not having to be worried, but you guys are my worries, so please be ok!
PD: THE NEXT ONE WHO SAY SOMETHING, AND I ANSWERS WITH "WHAT?" AND HE ANSWERS "NEVERMIND" IMM SOOO GOING TO FUCKING PUNCH EM IN THE FACE FOR GIVING UP ON MY BAD SENSE OF HEARING!!!!
weird title...i guess it was kinda redlight enought to call attention and modest enought to not call a hoard of yellers.
This is the thing. I feel bad. I`m frustrated and theres challenges that are crushing me down, and when I comment it with people, they just..basically give up on anything special we work together.
but..I am actually managing it! The summer started in a fantastic strike of luck, I could fill a little my paypal,hoping someday doing that trip I'm dreaming for. i actually could tell myself i was improving, my first comic took shape and I witnessed a fantastic game to come out and that has much more to tell, i loved it.
As manny people know, I dont have the happiest existence, I could go for hours talking about how im treated, the things ive suffered,the daily pains and annoyances and of course that godamn inflation that is driving me crazy. just homeworks represents a bonebreaking pressure crush that makes me cry, and just reminding that im skipping it to writte this will surely make me regret wasting time... but.
I'm still here.
a summer that started so good developed into a calamity of depression, and not even for me! I was FINALLY doing ok, dealing with my problems and feeling kind of confortable... but, It all started with a joke, You dont tell someone his best friend is dead (im sorry for reminding you, i know your sorry, and i forgive you and hold nothing agaisnt you, youre still a fantastic friend and im glad you keep cheking on me with so much care).
that was heavy for my weak heart to handle and i atcually took a couple days sleeping just thanking it wasnt true,i gess it was the scariest time of my life till then, ddint passed a week before an absolutelly new friend, someone that was having me really worried just attempted to...well, its on the tittle, I panicked, i didnt knew anything tio actually help and a person just was Giving up in front of me, totally stubborn and not wanting to hear me. I admit it, I panicked, i revealed information and that only got people to shout me about me being insensitive, but i just didnt know what to do other tha scream for help. In any case, Ill never give up on people who needs me, or have I blocked anyone yet? I'm there! im there because i worry about people, never give up on my arms, im trying to never give up on yours.
things are ok on that subject by now, it doesnt help that im still worried. ive been trying to keep on my stuff, the problem is, I never tought Id actually cast a shadow over people, I really never spected that, i dont want anyone to feel less than me, Put me down of that high pedestal youre putting me on, Ive felt that way before ,and unless and artist is a jerk, theyre not going to feel good in the same situation, for your own healt and that of the artist you like, adopt a good attitude, stop beating yourself so rudelly and keep working, if you give up before start, you could call yourself forgotten, if you start but dont trust in yourself, youll only be a disappointment (and to yourself) being a good artist has a lot to do with the attitude, energetic and passionate,curious, these 3 things are not hard at least prettend you feel, once you pretend youll start to adop, and sooner or later everything is going to work out. I am not better than you, youre not by any means obligated to stay behind me and smell my hipotetical farts, you better take a deep brath and step on the accelerator so you can gimme some elbows bumps.
Well, this has been extending a lot, id like to talk about manny more things... but, while writting i was slowly changing moods (i think its kinda noticeable) and i think this is enought for now.
In conclussion: Im feeling needy of hugs, i want a warn and long nap and not having to be worried, but you guys are my worries, so please be ok!
PD: THE NEXT ONE WHO SAY SOMETHING, AND I ANSWERS WITH "WHAT?" AND HE ANSWERS "NEVERMIND" IMM SOOO GOING TO FUCKING PUNCH EM IN THE FACE FOR GIVING UP ON MY BAD SENSE OF HEARING!!!!
Also... I dare you to say what again, I double dare you!
Couldn´t resist that one, sorry.
Keep going, ride on the horizon!
Sounds difficult, I'm sorry, but hang in there! =)
I don't know you, but i guess its irrelevant when people wanna offer help and support :) *offers a hug*
Glad you're feeling better though :3
I don't know if this will help, but I figure it can't hurt; please forgive me if I'm being presumptuous. But; life is additive, cumulative, inclusive, and really big, it's not actually subtractive, limited, and exclusive. There's a lot of pain and hurt and really solid reasons to be depressed out there, and there are all these wonderful things out there as well. The world is very much about and.
I wish you the best of luck, and I'm glad you're getting a better handle on this stuff.
I know I never talk with you these days, but I'm always around.
I really hope you can eventually take that trip and go somewhere nice, get away to someplace normal where you don't have those daily struggles to deal with, and perhaps stay there a while?
And remember, you're still a cutie c:
I'm always arround but, if you need someone's ear, i'm always checking my notes ;)
Only difference is that people berate me for my ranting... which I deserve.