I often perform this reality check at work, especially on days where
the sun shines and I'm watching the clock tick over to 1:17pm from the
dull banality of my cubicle.

No one ever signs up for this. Unless you're the type that really has
nothing to do but collect a paycheck and dreads going home. This is
when I remember that I really do like my job, even when it's hard to
stay focused on a nice day.

Which comes down to this: I'm doing my job because I like it. I make
compromises like missing out on the beach because I enjoy spending the
salary I earn. I could do a lot, lot worse in terms of my career.

But maybe I can do better.

And that's where I peer into the abyss briefly before turning my
attention back to my spreadsheets and workload.

We can always do better. This haunts me. This involves risk. This can
involve failure.

I've been there before. Switching jobs. Moving across the continent and
even to another country. Each risk was met with many failures and many
successes. Luckily, or more likely due to the critter that I am, I
ended up scoring much more in the 'win' column.

Is it time to do better? Maybe. Maybe not. I've tried to settle my
brain about what I've devoted 50 plus hours to each week. It mostly
works. Sometimes it's frustrating.

Why on earth am I bringing this up? Well, I ended up asking the same
question to myself today with regard to making art.

Why am I making art anyway?

Specifically, what am I gaining with posting and sharing art? Sure, I
enjoy making things. That's not really the issue. Who am I making this
for? Me, firstly. If art ceases to become enjoyable, I always knew that
I'd have to reassess how I'm doing things.

At various times over the last couple of years, I've had rather odd and
altruistic goals with art: spiritual, cultural (i.e. furry), social and
even humourous directions. There's so much that's in my head that needs
to get out it seems. I spend so much time making these strange little
visions come to life and it's been rewarding and frustrating.

Unfortunately it feels like I'm acting in a play being staged in an
empty theatre.

That's not to say I do not appreciate your comments and interaction: I
really, really do love this part. I just... don't know what to do with
the feeling of disengagement.

Ultimately, this is my responsibility. I need to engage more. Take more
social risks. Do better.

So, while it might not be time to make a career move, it is definitely
time for me to step forward and make a stronger effort to put myself
out there.

Sure, I'll fail and stumble, but that's just part of growing. One
wonderful suggestion came from  daitenshi

Whenever I fave something, I make a comment about why I faved it.

There's nothing better than knowing one's art affected someone, even if
it just made them smile.

And that's why I make art.