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This Is Going To Hurt. Part I
11 years ago
Basically, I'm made of pure WIN, 3 parts Awesome, and a touch of insecurity.
-Dakota Darkwolf
-Dakota Darkwolf
Saturday, I finished reading The Fault In Our Stars by John Green. I knew it was going to hurt. It was a "I'm going to finish this book and have Post Book Depression later! Let's Go!" I finished it, my eyes got wet, but I didn't cry. It has been a long time since I read a book that I cared about; since I read a book that moved me. Essentially, it's about Hazel Grace, who I'm going to say. . . thinks she's damaged. The only thing else I can say with out spoiling it is to share a piece from the back cover: ". . .funny, thrilling, and tragic business of being alive and in love. "
After finishing the book I spend the next couple hours bemoaning its end, which mostly includes burying myself in the bed covers hating the light of day.(Hey, I have Sunday AND Monday off to do chores, right now I can spend time to recover from PBD) Zeta shows up around noon to snuggle, I mean lunch, we go to lunch. Between a mixture of working 6 days in a row, staying up until 230am, and TFIOS/PBD* I got all upset at Zeta for no reason.(Sorry, honey!) After work, Zeta and I head up to north Phoenix for sushi. I have a like sake with dinner and feel like myself again(while admitting I shouldn't need alcohol to relax!).
When we leave Sushi Station I see some huge lighting in the distance. Not huge like huge as in 'on top of us,' but huge as in 'it lit up the entire storm cell.' Not distance like really far away, but distance as in 'we can still catch that!' After making completely sure Zeta wanted to drive into drive into Who-Knows-Where, we're off! God, driving out there was the best part. We were surrounded on 3 sides by lighting. It was so beautiful. We ended up in a Walgreens parking lot on Pinnacle Peak and Pima St. Of course, I'm Spazzy and Scared, because my grown-up excitement about monsoons was at war with my childhood fear of thunder and lighting. The blowing dust and sparse fat drops of rain warned of the encroaching storm. We sheltered the car next to the building and waited. It was on us in seconds. And it was large! At the worst of it we had hail, lighting strikes within some distance, two parking lot lights go out, and Walgreens lost power for a few seconds. It was terrifying and exhilarating! The only reason I wasn't in tears is because I was with Zeta. The heavy rain and thunder lasted for maybe an hour. When the rain died to a drizzle and the thunder left us with a lighting show, I was pretty AMP'd. We listened to some music in the drizzle, before we decided to move on.
Sunday morning was a challenge. I hit a emotional brick wall, hard. I don't want to go into a lot of details, but I admitted to myself that I was raped in the past. Soon after, still emtionaly wrecked, I went to see The Fault In Our Stars. Mostly because I had somethings I couldn't tell Zeta, because John Green took my words.
Sunday night. . . was like thunderstorms when I was a kid. I thought I was having a panic attack, but I has having something close to a LabCorp breakdown. I ended up telling Zeta about the whole situation leading up to and after I was raped. It was like a cancer, I had to get it out of me. She had to know I was damaged.
She. . she listened. She didn't interrupt. She didn't point out the bad decisions I'd made. She. . . just accepted me.
Remember, how I said The Fault In Our Stars is about a girl who thinks she's damaged?
After finishing the book I spend the next couple hours bemoaning its end, which mostly includes burying myself in the bed covers hating the light of day.(Hey, I have Sunday AND Monday off to do chores, right now I can spend time to recover from PBD) Zeta shows up around noon to snuggle, I mean lunch, we go to lunch. Between a mixture of working 6 days in a row, staying up until 230am, and TFIOS/PBD* I got all upset at Zeta for no reason.(Sorry, honey!) After work, Zeta and I head up to north Phoenix for sushi. I have a like sake with dinner and feel like myself again(while admitting I shouldn't need alcohol to relax!).
When we leave Sushi Station I see some huge lighting in the distance. Not huge like huge as in 'on top of us,' but huge as in 'it lit up the entire storm cell.' Not distance like really far away, but distance as in 'we can still catch that!' After making completely sure Zeta wanted to drive into drive into Who-Knows-Where, we're off! God, driving out there was the best part. We were surrounded on 3 sides by lighting. It was so beautiful. We ended up in a Walgreens parking lot on Pinnacle Peak and Pima St. Of course, I'm Spazzy and Scared, because my grown-up excitement about monsoons was at war with my childhood fear of thunder and lighting. The blowing dust and sparse fat drops of rain warned of the encroaching storm. We sheltered the car next to the building and waited. It was on us in seconds. And it was large! At the worst of it we had hail, lighting strikes within some distance, two parking lot lights go out, and Walgreens lost power for a few seconds. It was terrifying and exhilarating! The only reason I wasn't in tears is because I was with Zeta. The heavy rain and thunder lasted for maybe an hour. When the rain died to a drizzle and the thunder left us with a lighting show, I was pretty AMP'd. We listened to some music in the drizzle, before we decided to move on.
Sunday morning was a challenge. I hit a emotional brick wall, hard. I don't want to go into a lot of details, but I admitted to myself that I was raped in the past. Soon after, still emtionaly wrecked, I went to see The Fault In Our Stars. Mostly because I had somethings I couldn't tell Zeta, because John Green took my words.
Sunday night. . . was like thunderstorms when I was a kid. I thought I was having a panic attack, but I has having something close to a LabCorp breakdown. I ended up telling Zeta about the whole situation leading up to and after I was raped. It was like a cancer, I had to get it out of me. She had to know I was damaged.
She. . she listened. She didn't interrupt. She didn't point out the bad decisions I'd made. She. . . just accepted me.
Remember, how I said The Fault In Our Stars is about a girl who thinks she's damaged?
Narune
~narune
Wow, sounds like an emotional rollercoaster hun.
