There are things I do sometimes I live to regret, saying things when it had been better keeping my mouth shut...sometimes I think honesty with a person more of a curse than a best policy...or that sometimes you don't have all the facts on something, and it comes back to bite you...I entered an auction this week, and I didn't have all the money I needed for the winning bid, I had ordered transfers for it...but I knew that it would take time for them to clear...I wasn't aware at the time that it was a whole pay up front deal, maybe now with my stupid actions they'll put pay up front on the rules for future auctions...but...

I feel broken right now, like I've had my dreams smashed in front of myself...xehta13 has banned me from all future auctions for my past mistakes (three strikes my ass), I don't know how he feels about commission work...I still like his girls, both in Liena's Way (vanilla, amber) and FFT(Kni, Rouge, Anna)...commissions may be the only thing Xehta will be willing to do for me now that I've screw up royally

I'm sorry, right now I just feel broken, like I just want to lose my mind and descend into madness...start slaughtering people...the only thing that is keeping me together right now, are my two friends, Jewelwriter, and mechamightyenador...if it wasn't for them, I'd have ended up in prison well before this...in fact, there are times when I've imagined meeting Jewel irl...of course it then warps to us getting married...but it's just a dream, I know...it can't, or with how I'm feeling now...never be real.

I've said enough...good night all...