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Ho hum just a little sad ramble
11 years ago
mostly I feel like talking a bit but ppl are busy or I don't wanna bring them down and I don't want to fire up my twitter w/ sad things I guess
Seriously feel free to ignore this as it's more for myself to get how I feel out.. just... y'know, simple sorta vent journal cuz I don't do so well bottling my feelings up.
Mostly it's just a hash of the same fucking old thing always: I feel lonely.
I try really hard to surround myself w/ people to chat to on like twitter or whatever.. I've definitely gotten better over the past few months. But sometimes you can't run away from it y''know. Like I have a handful of great friends but I miss having someone to be really close to--to have that talk ALL THE TIME friendship. I Miss that so much.
And sometimes I feel like I just don't know HOW to make friends or relationships beyond the casual kind. How do I even begin to try to get close to anyone. When the hell did I turn so closed off? Maybe during the times I tried to open up to anyone and everyone and just got a bunch of clingy suck-ups, who knows. But I seem impossible to find anyone to properly click with, or, well, impossible to figure out hot to even search for that. I try not to think about it.
But it's hard sometimes... like I p much don't expect myself to ever gain anything more than friendships--and I really don't mean to say this in a woe on me I am foreveralone.jpeg type way or anything.. like it's just something I p much accept and am okay with? But then I want friends to make up for it and just
Real friends aren't easy to make.
And there are certain things that I would like to have to be a happy person that I don't necessarily get from all of my friendships, you know? Like people bring different things and just /sigh
I just feel lonely damn it!!
And every now and again this feeling fecken strangle holds me and won't brush off no matter how I try to not let myself think about it.
Like the only way I know how to fight this is to not think about it.. to try and make myself more desirable somehow. And honestly I have no fucking clue how to do that besides become a better artist and use THAT to make ppl notice me and maybe start trying to be friends w/ me. But that's crap cuz then all you get are thirsty little leaches who just want to get noticed by senpai 8( /sighs
man.. I've always tried to be accepting of ppl even like that cuz real friendships could happen anywhere y'know but I just feel like I turn more bitter and shut off as I get older. Sucks.
Sighs man I'm sorry this is all such a shitty journal post... I really don't like being a downer fjkds; try to not be so much but fuck if it doesn't get persistent sometimes. And there's nothing to really frickin' do about it and even talking it out like this just makes me start tearing up uuGHHH UGHH okay
i'm being ridiculous
wheezes a lot
Anyway sorry I just wanted to ramble for a while I guess pls, again, don't mind me
Seriously feel free to ignore this as it's more for myself to get how I feel out.. just... y'know, simple sorta vent journal cuz I don't do so well bottling my feelings up.
Mostly it's just a hash of the same fucking old thing always: I feel lonely.
I try really hard to surround myself w/ people to chat to on like twitter or whatever.. I've definitely gotten better over the past few months. But sometimes you can't run away from it y''know. Like I have a handful of great friends but I miss having someone to be really close to--to have that talk ALL THE TIME friendship. I Miss that so much.
And sometimes I feel like I just don't know HOW to make friends or relationships beyond the casual kind. How do I even begin to try to get close to anyone. When the hell did I turn so closed off? Maybe during the times I tried to open up to anyone and everyone and just got a bunch of clingy suck-ups, who knows. But I seem impossible to find anyone to properly click with, or, well, impossible to figure out hot to even search for that. I try not to think about it.
But it's hard sometimes... like I p much don't expect myself to ever gain anything more than friendships--and I really don't mean to say this in a woe on me I am foreveralone.jpeg type way or anything.. like it's just something I p much accept and am okay with? But then I want friends to make up for it and just
Real friends aren't easy to make.
And there are certain things that I would like to have to be a happy person that I don't necessarily get from all of my friendships, you know? Like people bring different things and just /sigh
I just feel lonely damn it!!
And every now and again this feeling fecken strangle holds me and won't brush off no matter how I try to not let myself think about it.
Like the only way I know how to fight this is to not think about it.. to try and make myself more desirable somehow. And honestly I have no fucking clue how to do that besides become a better artist and use THAT to make ppl notice me and maybe start trying to be friends w/ me. But that's crap cuz then all you get are thirsty little leaches who just want to get noticed by senpai 8( /sighs
man.. I've always tried to be accepting of ppl even like that cuz real friendships could happen anywhere y'know but I just feel like I turn more bitter and shut off as I get older. Sucks.
Sighs man I'm sorry this is all such a shitty journal post... I really don't like being a downer fjkds; try to not be so much but fuck if it doesn't get persistent sometimes. And there's nothing to really frickin' do about it and even talking it out like this just makes me start tearing up uuGHHH UGHH okay
i'm being ridiculous
wheezes a lot
Anyway sorry I just wanted to ramble for a while I guess pls, again, don't mind me
I hope you feel better soon~. And you shouldn't feel bad for wanting to vent now and then~! uwu
and i've gotten better but all anyone wants is free stuff sigh
I don't know when or how it became so hard to get close to people, either??
And yeah, ugh, giving free art can be helpful and nice and make people feel appreciated but AAH it can also make ppl really greedy and take advantage of you ughfdks; o<-<
socializing for me got harder because i've been taken advantage of a lot.. maybe if you find the source of your unease you can figure out how to maybe work with it?? or at least warn people of it
No worries though, that feeling comes and goes even if you have good friends. Sometimes it's good to let it out and just express how it makes you feel to make it all better again.
But don't ever think it's bad to vent or get stuff like this out, it's not all that uncommon feeling like that, i feel like it a lot too, and it's okay to talk abt it
ye
;3;/ hope you feel better though
I am really busy right now too, but maybe toward the end of the month or early next month things will clear up a bit more for me again?? It'd be nice to just go out and chill or something /nodnod
Ahh thank you tho 8( /hug
/hughug itll be opkaaay
I understand how it is to surround yourself with friends but not really be able to get past that 'casual' stage with. It might really really stink to hear this (and be a bit corny), but it's literally just because you haven't found the right person / people yet. I've gone years without feeling close to anyone, but the moment I clicked with my BFF it was *instantaneous*. You just know it when it happens. So just keep meeting people and chatting and who knows, you might find that kind of person very soon! You seem like a lovely person so I doubt the problem is in you. uvu have a little more faith in yourself! I've know the sweetest, kindest, most awesome people who have have gone through the very same stages as you.
I don't know if this would be helpful at all but if you need a random person to vent to further feel free to note me! I like being able to help with that sort of thing if I can haha. Eitherway, goodluck on your journey heh <3
Ah what just gets tough is up until the beginning of the year, I've had at least one of those always there to chat with you friends for yeaaaarrrs. So it's liKE I KNOW WHat I'm missing out on and heck do I miss it y'know? @____@;;;;;; Yeah I try not to dwell on it the best I can cuz those types of friendships literally just happen on their own when they do but it still sucks. groans
thank you so much tho, it means a lot 8(
so yeah i know how shit it can be especially when you need someone to vent to and such, really i wish you the best of luck and hope you get to feeling better!! hopefully everything works out in the end uvu
I'm really sorry; I hope you can find a friend to talk to sooner rather than later, I really do. I guess, I mean I feel awful saying this but, I guess the next best thing I can do is say that at least it gets a little easier. Some days, anyways. But yes, I really do hope you can find someone you click with. Everyone deserves a real friend, not just admirers or leeches.
I've had those really awesome friends that I could talk to at any time about anything and it was as easy as air and never left you feeling lonely cuz you always had someone around to chat with and connect to and all that, yeah! And just this year, for the first time in a loonnngggg time, I don't have anyone like that... I mean I almost always have someone around to chatter w/ but it's not the same sometimes
KNOWING WHat you're missing and having no idea how to get it again is the freakin' worst @________@
Thank you a bunch, tho 8( jfkls
But you're welcome! anytime.
Gdit, sorry, I know how to reply to people I swear >>;;
It's also really sad when you just freakin' drift apart from someone like it just happens and there's just no coming back from it
juST LOST CLOSE friendships are the worst and they haunt you cuz you know what you're missing out on from not having them ff fjk;s o<-<
But i have a lot of really good friends now and friends that have that click and honestly i think the best thing to do is just talk to people and find who is easy for you to talk too and maybe they will end up having the click? Like its just something that will happen and you will know it dfgfg //useless advice dfjgjkdfg DON'T LOSE HOPE theres always someone out there, you probably just haven't met them yet! ;u;/
I miss that shit dang x_x
Opening up to a bunch of online strangers is really hard too especially when all you seem to get are people that are in it for the art or you just don't mesh well with (sometimes i get really confused when people add me to skype and they have really formal writing styles and im over here like KJHDJGDFG OMG SCREAMS IN CAPS all the time LOL)
its defs like playing the lottery for finding someone you get along with but hey sometimes all you need is that one person you know? do you ever just maybe message followers/artist you watch that you like the way they talk and see if they have skype or whatever messaging system you use? ;o;
for a long time, i was doing a lot of things to try and make myself more desirable and whatnot. to be wanted, liked and be in general a pleasure to be around. that meant a lot of things and some of them i don't really regret (made me find myself and some were just fun.) but it also was kinda damaging to my self esteem and my soul. not until a bit ago did i break this and i realized things i needed to stop and things i needed to change.
these lonely feelings will be there, and they will be there for a while. i can say however, keep on trucking girl, show the world you are a beautiful person!
xoxox ^_^
it's really weird how you can get dropped like a stone as soon as someone gets a SO. And, like, idk... I can get it to an certain extent, but it can suck if it's a really abrupt change or whatever. Like you can be friends w/ someone at the same time, that is possible. sighs having relationships--of any kinds--w/ other people is frickin balls and a complex, confusing mess to try to sift through
I mainly use skype now, but if you wanted, we could totes talk whenever~
Like, even if I'm not on, I'll get a message eventually.
I admit I'm not great at starting conversations, though.
But I'm a great listener. :D If that counts for anything.
I promise I don't ask for free art, hahah. I wouldn't even dare.
Mind if I add you to skype? c: Same email, right?
I apparently don't know how skype works, hahah, I don't need your email.
I think I found you, but I'll wait
A lot of my RL friends have gotten busier as of late so I've turned increasingly to the net for relief. Online, though, I'm always terrified that I'll fall into that creep category. I seem to be a bad judge of the rapport I build with others online.... :(
Regardless, I hope you catch some kind of break soon. The lonely game sucks butt.
next month Im doing http://frolicparty.com/
and every sunday I go to a local bar with a bunch of suiters (bit out of your way, but offer is open)
Lets be socially awkward together \o/
especially when you feel to shy to be like
'so are we friends now?'
it takes one person to kind of open up first for it to become a close friendship I guess
it's hard to know when that kind of thing is welcome, isn't it? ;;
I don't think it's your fault or that you're undesirable as a friend ;v;
I think people are just shy. I think you seem really really nice as a person, but the thing is with really good artists? I kind of tend to assume they're too super busy for chit chat, and maybe other people do too. you surely have a lot of potential compatible, supportive and silly and lovely friends out there, it's just making the first step to open up is hard.
speaking of which skjfsds
could we skype sometime? or something? or not I don't mind aaaaaah
I don't mean to sound weird or creepy but in the context of this journal I guess I do LOL
I've kind of wanted to approach you for chatting before but NERVES NERVES NERVES
I don't mind if you don't want to because I can be a pest sometimes ;v;
I'm the kind that gets stuck on art and stuff a lot and asks for opinions - fair warning! u//u
i talk to literally 2 - 4 people, for years now, so I totally get where you're coming from. the loneliness can be crushing sometimes, especially because I haven't been friends or even acquaintances with another artist for a very long time, but I don't know what to do, really. I've always been socially anxious, even online.