FA+
Shop
[ranty vent journal]
11 years ago
All right, so... it's been about two months since I posted anything here. I guess I might as well write an update.
First, yes, I'm hella bummed about Robin Williams. I'm not a big moviegoer but I might look up a bunch of his films and watch them. He was awesome. God rest his soul.
My medication is treating me reasonably well. The changes are slow, but they seem to be happening. Some of my compulsions are vanishing and I catch myself *not* doing things I used to have to. Only downside is one rather... unpleasant side effect I've experienced, which I won't get into in a public journal, but it makes some activities... difficult. >.=.>
That aside... I've been really frustrated lately. I haven't worked much at all this summer... I've signed up for as many shifts as I possibly could, and despite that, I only had three shifts in June, *one* in July, and thus far, only four this month. I've applied for more jobs, including one at the agency I work for already and one at the Guitar Center out here, but no luck. Applied for a job at CostCo yesterday. I'm extremely bored and I just kinda feel useless and unneeded.
I've been essentially been working full-time at home helping my parents with some home improvement stuff while my sister's out of the country, not getting paid in anything but their appreciation, and it's really exhausting. Satisfying in a way, and I'm glad I can help, but... the only reason I've been able to do so much is I haven't had any work to do :/ I'm only marginally better off than I was last summer when I had *no* job. As it is I work so infrequently that I feel a lot of anxiety every time I go in, simply because I haven't gotten used to it. I've never gained any confidence.
I'd feel better about my situation if I didn't now have car problems hanging over me too. For the past few weeks my car has been refusing to start, at random. The battery voltage drops below 12 volts and my car simply won't have it, and I have no idea why. The battery is less than a year old and properly maintained, the alternator works fine. The car runs fine otherwise. But it's left me stranded in town five or six times over the last few times I've gone anywhere. One time was at work, where I was able to get it jump-started thanks to the fact there's a full-time mechanic there, but the other times I haven't been so lucky. Worst of all, I can't predict when it'll happen -- last week I drove around town without issue, stopped for five minutes to air up my tires, then got stuck at the gas station. Took it on a ~80 mile round-trip to see my good friend
the next day, no problems (and it was such a nice change of pace to be able to hang out with him, really helped), then the day after it started happening again.
I dunno what to do about it. No diagnostic tests have turned up anything, nor has my internet research. I can't have a vehicle that might strand me, but since I've had fuck-all in terms of work this summer I don't have money to throw at fixes until something works anyway. If I can't find a solution, as much I'd hate to, I might be forced to sell it and get something cheap to get me around through winter until I can get something decent again.
tl;dr: Meds are helping slowly but surely, but life in general is kicking me around no matter what I do. I'm trying my best, but little is going right.
Ugh.
First, yes, I'm hella bummed about Robin Williams. I'm not a big moviegoer but I might look up a bunch of his films and watch them. He was awesome. God rest his soul.
My medication is treating me reasonably well. The changes are slow, but they seem to be happening. Some of my compulsions are vanishing and I catch myself *not* doing things I used to have to. Only downside is one rather... unpleasant side effect I've experienced, which I won't get into in a public journal, but it makes some activities... difficult. >.=.>
That aside... I've been really frustrated lately. I haven't worked much at all this summer... I've signed up for as many shifts as I possibly could, and despite that, I only had three shifts in June, *one* in July, and thus far, only four this month. I've applied for more jobs, including one at the agency I work for already and one at the Guitar Center out here, but no luck. Applied for a job at CostCo yesterday. I'm extremely bored and I just kinda feel useless and unneeded.
I've been essentially been working full-time at home helping my parents with some home improvement stuff while my sister's out of the country, not getting paid in anything but their appreciation, and it's really exhausting. Satisfying in a way, and I'm glad I can help, but... the only reason I've been able to do so much is I haven't had any work to do :/ I'm only marginally better off than I was last summer when I had *no* job. As it is I work so infrequently that I feel a lot of anxiety every time I go in, simply because I haven't gotten used to it. I've never gained any confidence.
I'd feel better about my situation if I didn't now have car problems hanging over me too. For the past few weeks my car has been refusing to start, at random. The battery voltage drops below 12 volts and my car simply won't have it, and I have no idea why. The battery is less than a year old and properly maintained, the alternator works fine. The car runs fine otherwise. But it's left me stranded in town five or six times over the last few times I've gone anywhere. One time was at work, where I was able to get it jump-started thanks to the fact there's a full-time mechanic there, but the other times I haven't been so lucky. Worst of all, I can't predict when it'll happen -- last week I drove around town without issue, stopped for five minutes to air up my tires, then got stuck at the gas station. Took it on a ~80 mile round-trip to see my good friend
the next day, no problems (and it was such a nice change of pace to be able to hang out with him, really helped), then the day after it started happening again.I dunno what to do about it. No diagnostic tests have turned up anything, nor has my internet research. I can't have a vehicle that might strand me, but since I've had fuck-all in terms of work this summer I don't have money to throw at fixes until something works anyway. If I can't find a solution, as much I'd hate to, I might be forced to sell it and get something cheap to get me around through winter until I can get something decent again.
tl;dr: Meds are helping slowly but surely, but life in general is kicking me around no matter what I do. I'm trying my best, but little is going right.
Ugh.
could be anything, but that one is fairly common. and usually completely non obvious. but it can and does run down a battery when there's no other obvious reason for it to.
cars! i like buses. they have mechanics on staff. just have to buy a ten ride once in a while, or a monthly. walking to and from the bus stop is good cardio.
unless of course you live where there aren't any, or like me, might occasionally like to go places where they don't.
as for the other thing, i really don't know. i guess i'm kind of really not entirely human and kind of glad i'm not.